With Friends Like These...
By hvedra
@hvedra (1619)
December 4, 2012 10:05am CST
Recently a couple I know have split up and that is sad enough in it's own way. He left and put his hand up to say it was his fault it wasn't working out (no third party, just a break down in the relationship). He asked that people leave him alone and support his ex-partner as he knew she was very upset.
I sent a PRIVATE message via Facebook (they live at the other end of the country) telling her I was sorry to hear what had happened and generally trying to cheer her up and keep her positive.
Other people have been rather to keen to post things on her wall, their own walls and other friends' walls and a lot of it isn't supportive or positive but just stirring the situation. If there was any chance of reconcilliation, whether the relationship resumed or they remained friends, they've done their best to sabotage it. Any little dig they can get in they've got in and any poison they can put down they have.
She can't see it yet, because she's still raw from the break up and thinks they are "on her side". Really, they are just using her pain to get their kicks from being nasty about her ex and to make her give them attention. I can see this, as can others who are a bit distanced from the situation. I just find it sickening that she's going through this and other people are making it worse because they seem to get a thrill out of it - kind of like being in the tabloids, I guess.
Have you ever been in this kind of situation, where you can see how mean folks are when someone they know is down and vulnerable. Where they are pretending to be on side but really the only side they know is their own?
Over to you mylotters!
1 person likes this
10 responses
@mzz663 (2772)
• United States
5 Dec 12
I know supporting someone going through a tough time is hard and seeing people do this to them is painful, all I can say is if it were me, I would just keep doing my best to support my friend and hope that she fares well. When she starts feeling up to it, she could delete the ones that are enjoying the whole situation and having fun with it.
It's bad enough that the couple is going through everything they are going through. I know people tend to pick sides. If I know someone going through something like this, I try not to choose sides, leave them alone for a while, let them know if they need anything, they have my support. Like you said, for one to pick and choose sides and say nasty things, actually remove them selves from the friendship if the couple ends up back together, neither party will trust those people anymore.
1 person likes this
@41CombedaleRoad (5955)
• Greece
5 Dec 12
I can't understand why people put private things on Facebook. These two unfortunate people need to be left in peace, there were no pointed fingers at the other and I admire them for this. The woman needs space and time to recover and the man to reflect on why it was his fault.
It is important for them to retain their old friends, although I know this is difficult around when people break up, it is natural to want to take sides. However that is an immature way of looking at things and, as you say, it makes any possibility of a reconciliation less likely.
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
4 Dec 12
I have seen similar situations and even have gotten into one before where a bitter ex slashes away at the other one, both are my friends however. In this situations I tend to remain neutral and never to choose a side. More importantly, if necessary and possible, I try to console the person not by uttering bad things about the other side but actually trying to make the person look at other things to focus to. Like you, I definitely feel bad about those that pretend to care when all they actually do is just make things worse.
1 person likes this
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
5 Dec 12
Other people just have so many things to say. Sadly, they do not realize that they are adding injury to insult! They are being so insensitive over the person's feelings. We could really not please everybody and so what can we do about them. Tell them straight to their face that we do not need their opinion and just to leave us alone.
1 person likes this
@mariaperalta (19073)
• Mexico
5 Dec 12
so sad.. I hate true life stories like this one. Thanks for sharing with us here.
@ZoeJoy (1392)
• United States
5 Dec 12
I don't know of people who are mean spirited to those who are going through a hard time due to a break-up in their relationship. I avoid gossip and don't participate in it. I do know of a couple who broke up but it was her fault. She was still upset with the break-up even though it was her fault. I stayed friendly with her but also, avoided gossiping about them. I hope for the sake of both couples, they can heal and move on with their lives.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
5 Dec 12
Talk about vultures picking over the bones, that truly sends a chill down my back, why do people get off on other people's misery, I have never been able to comprehend that? It's like your own sad little life isn't sad enough so you have to make someone else's equally sad. As the title of your discussion denotes with friends like these who needs enemies? I am not a lover of Facebook myself, having lost the fight to compete with it for my friends' affections, she would much rather post private stuff about her and her family on Facebook than confide in me. Why do some people think it's okay to revel and savour other people's misery and using Facebook as the platform is even worse!
@bestboy19 (5478)
• United States
4 Dec 12
I have had friends who've been in unfortunate situations, and those situations have been talked about; but I can't ever remember anyone being unkind to the victim or his/her ex.
@angelkarah050182 (4980)
• Philippines
4 Dec 12
Oh, my. I hope she won't get affected by these messages on her wall. She should just delete them. Some people really have the habit of putting some salt on other people's wounds. They make the problem worse. I hope they should just mind their own businesses. They should leave her alone. Sometimes that's Facebook's disadvantages. They would attack you online. It should be better to keep your life in private. Thanks for sharing and happy mylotting.
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
4 Dec 12
Absolutely horrible! And yes I know plenty of people that have done this and it is so wrong. Your right, with friends like these who needs enemies?
If they have nothing nicer to say to her they really should just shut their mouths. She does not need anything else right now while she is going through such a hard time in her life...
I think you did the right thing by sending her a private message, not broadcasting it all over facebook! =( I feel bad for her.
