Why does the woman have to respect her husband and do everything else?
By Dominique25
@Dominique25 (9464)
United States
December 4, 2012 11:02am CST
Quit frankly I'm tired of hearing this (not that anyone from mylot has said this). I have read it, most religious individuals always talk about it. Yes I know that it is suppose to lead to a better marriage down the line. But does a wife really have to be the one to do everything and make all the sacrifices, in order to make her husband happy when he is suppose to be the one taking the lead in the family. Why should a woman put her life on hold, sacrifice her wants and needs if her husband isn't willing to do anything for her? That just doesn't make sense to me.
5 people like this
18 responses
@allyoftherain (7208)
• United States
4 Dec 12
I believe you're referring to the Biblical idea of "wives submit to your husbands" in the Christian perspective, something that causes a bit of unrest in the feminist mind. I can only talk about this through my Christian perspective, if you're referring to another religious viewpoint in particular then I'm just way off and I don't know how to answer you.
This is in Ephesians chapter 5 of the Bible. Personally, I never read this as wives having to do everything and make all the sacrifices, but rather to follow her husband's lead. The Bible isn't any less harsh on husbands, and I believe they are also called to make a number of sacrifices for their wives. The very next verse after "wives submit to your husbands" is "husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her... husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies." (NIV) So I would say that the Biblical ideal says that husbands are also to make sacrifices and be very willing to do things for their wives.
I don't know what religious individuals you're talking to, they certainly don't come from my church.
I'm not married personally, but from watching couples who believe in this Biblical idea of marriage, it looks to me that when it's played out in its ideal form both husbands and wives still have to make the same amount of sacrifices and compromises. It's like a ballroom dance. The guy may lead, but if he's stomping on his partner's toes and running her into walls then he's not doing it right. The dance isn't all about him, even if she's following him.
![](/Content/images/emotes/surrender.gif)
![](/Content/images/emotes/whistle.gif)
2 people like this
@allyoftherain (7208)
• United States
5 Dec 12
Thanks you two!
I try my best.
LovingMyBabies, I've also noticed lots of people seem to conveniently forget the next verse in sequence. Selective memory perhaps? ![](/Content/images/emotes/rolleyes.gif)
![](/Content/images/emotes/lol.gif)
![](/Content/images/emotes/rolleyes.gif)
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85275)
• Valdosta, Georgia
5 Dec 12
I like this response too! And I am glad you pointed out the very next verse after that. SO many people leave that part out like its not there and men don't have to follow it but we as wives do! More men need to read that verse and remember it because if they want us to compromise they need to do the same!
2 people like this
![](/Content/images/ajax-loader.gif)
@StLouisMetroTutoring (678)
• St. Peters, Missouri
4 Dec 12
Grrrr.... yes, I hear it all the time too! It's true, women are to submit to their husbands. It says this clear as day in the Bible. Women should do everything in their power to help and please their husband. However, it also says in Ephesians 5:25-26 - Husbands, love your wives, JUST AS CHRIST LOVED THE CHURCH AND GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER TO MAKE HER HOLY, CLEANSING HER BY THE WASHING WITH WATER THROUGH THE WORD. Ephesians 5: 28 talks about man loving their wife as their own body. 1 Peter 3:7 tells husbands to be considerate with their wives and to treat them with respect. Colossians 3:18-19 tells husbands to love their wives and not be harsh. Doesn't sound to me like women are the only ones with the responsibility to do everything possible for the other.
2 people like this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
5 Dec 12
I completely agree with you. The husband has responsibilities as well. And he should strive to carry those out if he wants his wife to respect him and really admire. That is the thing that drives me crazy. I do the things that I'm suppose to do yet my husband doesn't and it seems like the pressure is still put on me to do more for him. Even though he doesn't do things for me. I think both husband and wife should work to do their part and that makes things so much better.
@StLouisMetroTutoring (678)
• St. Peters, Missouri
5 Dec 12
This was God's plan for a happy and successful marriage. It's not following God's plan to follow 50%. I like the analogy to a dance that was made by a previous poster. Somebody has to lead, but it doesn't work if the partners don't work together. The idea is that the husbad will lead in such a way as to create harmony between the partners. If he doesn't know how to do that, he needs to seek instruction.
I'm really sorry you're having to go through this. My marriage was similar in many ways. I'm now divorced :( I couldn't deal with it.
@challs12 (548)
• Malaysia
4 Dec 12
I don't know what kind of sacrifice that you mean. I knew husband and wife have their own duties to carry on in marriage. As I understand, husband must be a leader to one family. Husband has duty to look for money to support the family, to help wife to do some housekeeping duties, to give security to the family in what ever manner and many more not to mention here. And for wife, she has duties to take care husband's property, to take care the children, to take care of her own pride and to support her husband in terms of spiritual so that husband will always be motivated to work hard for the family. In this case, wife will be full housewife and not working.
So, I think if everybody understand their duties before entering marriage, then there will be no problem and there shouldn't be any sacrifice. Unless you got married by force or due to some other reason where you are unwillingly to get married. So, if you get married base on your willingness and without force, then you should understand all the basic understanding of one marriage. And you should understand what the duties each party should carry and there will be no sacrifice. But in the middle of the marriage, there might come problem when one party forgotten their responsibilities and duties, so, better discuss it in a nice way so that the defect can be corrected.
![](/Content/images/ajax-loader.gif)
@challs12 (548)
• Malaysia
5 Dec 12
I can understand how your situation. But to make motivation to yourself and to avoid negative consequences, you must look at this kind of problem is just like a going concern process of marriage. We must keep talking, discussing, advising and solving problems from time to time in our marriage in order to make sure our marriage can sustain with pace of time. Things change over period of time, so do us. So, process as I mentioned above is very important to make sure our marriage can adapt with the change. Never give up. From time to time, we will be able to catch up with problems in our marriage and no matter what changes has taken place, we will stay together happier all the times. So, always have positive and initiative to start a discussion with your husband. Man always careless and blind.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
5 Dec 12
Yes I understand what you mean. But like you said towards the end spouses can start to forget their responsibilities. My husband unfortunately has done that. So that means I have extra loads of responsibility on me. We all have only 24 hours in a day. So we have to prioritize our time and that calls for sacrifices of other things.
![](/Content/images/ajax-loader.gif)
@LovingMyBabies (85275)
• Valdosta, Georgia
4 Dec 12
I have never understood this either. I have a hard time thinking that I should do whatever my husband wants me to if I don't agree with it.
I don't completely submit to my husband, if I did we would be in a lot more trouble than we are in now. Because we would do all of the get rich quick schemes out there! Lol.
I feel I am just as important and equal to my husband. I don't think women are less than a man in any sense at all!
1 person likes this
![](/Content/images/ajax-loader.gif)
@LovingMyBabies (85275)
• Valdosta, Georgia
5 Dec 12
Oh yes we would be in trouble if I did everything he wants me to do...
And I remember you talking about the business your husband wanted to get into. I'm sorry it fell through but I am glad you didn't just up and move and quit your job for it because your right it would have been MUCH worse if you did!
We do matter and we need to start letting people know that we matter too! It's not just about what our husband needs or wants, we have voices too that should be heard. My husband KNOWS if I don't agree with something I am going to tell him and we will compromise. That is how our relationship has lasted as long as it has, we compromise together... =) He knows I have a voice and I WILL use it! LOL.
1 person likes this
@Arieles (2473)
• United States
5 Dec 12
I do believe most woman are allowed to do as they wish within reason in a marriage. Granted their are things that do need to be discussed, you know all the important topics. I also believe the husband and wife should take care of each other, they may have different ways of supporting each other, but that is how I see it. No one should put their life "on hold" waiting for someone to decide what they want to do. Men and women should sacrifice for each other, no one partner giving or receiving more than the other.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
5 Dec 12
I completely agree with what you are saying. That is how I feel. We should both be trying to help and support each other. But unfortunately that is not the case. I hope that in time things will change. I'm just starting to feel exhausted about giving and not having any help. I think it is really unfair.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
5 Dec 12
Oh my, that's torture. If both husband and wife got in to marriage because they love each other, then this scenario can't be happening. Both should love and respect each other. The husband doesn't enslave his wife, and the wife should keep her self worth.
I, for one, am not a martyr, and even if I respect my husband, I also want to be respected, and I'm getting it.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
11 Dec 12
Yeah I completely agree with you. That is how a marriage should be. Unfortunately that is not how my husband feels about these things. Hopefully in time though things will change. Because if they don't I know that our relationship will not last. I'm tired of being the only one working to keep it together.
@jureathome (5361)
• Philippines
18 Dec 12
I also hope for your wishes to come true very soon. I hope sooner than later. Good luck. Pray to God, as well.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
4 Dec 12
I agree with you to a point on this but I really don't think the husband should take the lead and that is where some woman fall into this trap. Both husband and wife should be respectful of each other and it is up to both of them to work together in partnership to make the marriage work. It doesn't matter how they do it but they do have to be in agreement on how it will work for them and they both have to be respectful and loving toward each other. If one is dominating and the other is unhappy then you just have a bad marriage. It is two people working together and it is the only way.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
5 Dec 12
I agree with you. I think things work better when both partners work together. I would like for things to improve because we both want it to work not because of me doing everything. I want him to show that he loves and respects me and for him not to expect me to be the one to make our marriage better by me working to make him happy all of the time.
@silverfox09 (4708)
• United States
5 Dec 12
Woman are equal as man and if they see that they will be treated as such . I think it should always be a fifty fifty in a relationship . I would not put anyone above me but as your equal .
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
5 Dec 12
I agree with you. I think that we should be treated the same. I know that is why I'm starting to feel tired of all of this. I'm starting to feel very unappreciated for all that I do. It would be nice if my husband would do more and help out in different ways.
@angelkarah050182 (4980)
• Philippines
4 Dec 12
For me, I can sacrifice for my husband and he can also sacrifice for me. I am the one working for my family and he's doing the housekeeping. I guess his job is a lot more difficult than mine. I just go to work and look after myself. He needs to take care of our child and himself. He does all the household chores at home. I guess he's sacrificing more than me. In love, you are willing to sacrifice to make your partner happy. I guess this applies to all relationships. We sacrifice for the ones we love. :)
1 person likes this
![](/Content/images/ajax-loader.gif)
@angelkarah050182 (4980)
• Philippines
4 Dec 12
Oh. I hope he'll help you with the house chores. It's already different now. We have to divide our responsibilities at home. I stay in a boarding house on weekdays and see my husband and our son weekends. I sometimes help him do the housework but he sometimes wants me to take some rest. He just asks me when he really needs my help. I just sometimes wash the dishes and clean our bathroom. He does everything for me. I guess I'm so lucky to have him. Thanks for the comment.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
4 Dec 12
That is the way it should be. Both partners should be willing to work together to make things work. Your husband I'm sure has his hands full. It is so nice that he is willing to do all of that. Most husband's would not. Right now I just work part and literally do everything else. But soon I will be working full time and still doing all the other responsibilities. My husband just isn't willing to help out unfortunately. It doesn't matter the circumstances I'm expected to do everything.
![](/Content/images/ajax-loader.gif)
@mythociate (21435)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
5 Dec 12
How one-sided!
If you love your husband, you know what he WANTS to be doing -which he DOESN'T do because he's got to provide for your family.
Wait a minute ... what do you mean 'put her life on hold'? When they get married, 'her' life is OVER (except as she has been preparing it to become 'the couple's' life).
That's why I'm not married yet (and it's why I tried to hold a normal job, although it goes against the truth about me): because the first step in getting a wife is PREPARING TO HAVE A WIFE, which I cannot do without an income four times the size of the one I have now!
(Oh, I can hold-out until an independent woman pulls a "Sadie Hawkins" on me---tracks me down and woos me (like the infamous woman did in the town Dogpatch to inspire the man-catching race in the musical-drama Lil' Abner); but women are by-&-large too impatient to do that, making my wait hopelessly-long.)
I'm a little confused, because your cry over "her wants & needs" makes me think you think we humans are the One who sent us here---and that our job here is to "make ourselves happy." I hope my thinking is wrong on both accounts ... that you think Our Creator is the one who sent us here, and that our job is to 'do what we see him do before us.'
Please, explain what you mean by giving examples of 'how husbands fail to do anything for her' and what kinds of 'sacrifices' she must make! ![](/Content/images/emotes/blink.gif)
![](/Content/images/emotes/blink.gif)
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
6 Dec 12
Most husbands have more freedom of time than a wife does. A valuable husband does use his time wisely to provide for his family even so though generally speaking a man will have more time available. So in a lot of ways a wife will put her goals,dreams,aspirations on hold to support her husband. This is all great when a wife has a supportive loving husband. When he is not this can be a discouraging thing.
If a husband isn't supporting his wife in other areas besides providing materially then a wife can feel as though she is being taken for granted. Which happens way to often. That in turn creates problems. There are husbands who work 40 hours a week and come home and perhaps do nothing to help with children or things around the house. Yet they make time for their own interest (sports,movies,music,video games,whatever).
Then there are wives who work full time, take care of their children, take care of the home, and yet the husband isn't willing to lighten her load. Which means she has less time to do the things she enjoys.
@Shavkat (137762)
• Philippines
5 Dec 12
In my opinion, respect should be given any souls in this world. That includes, respecting your husband or the other way around. Some people need not to dwell of an idea of serving all through out, it should be in a two-way process: the give and take principles.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
11 Dec 12
I definitely agree with you about the give and take principles. I have always worked hard to give and to do better for my family. My husband however feels basically that that is how it should be. A wife doing the things to please her husband and the husband doing whatever he wants.
@robspeakman (1700)
•
4 Dec 12
I hope you finished the housework before using your Husband's computer?
Seriously though, women should need to be told that they are equal to men - they should know and expect this.
No man should treat his woman any less than himself - Lets not forget lads, these ladies have let us see them naked! We should be grateful and humble for that lovely gift
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
5 Dec 12
![](/Content/images/emotes/rofl.gif)
@katthevamp (55)
•
5 Dec 12
If you're feeling under appreciated, talk with him about it. If he doesn't seem to get it, stop doing all the household chores for a while. He'll shape up fairly quickly.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
7 Dec 12
Yeah I'm completely under appreciated. I'm sure that if I stopped doing the household chores it would make things worse. Besides it would drive me crazy. I have thought about having him do his own laundry. I just start to feel like I want him to leave and get his own place and he would then start to see how much I have to do with working,maintaining our home, taking care of our daughter, and helping him.
@farid_lmu (70)
• Bangladesh
5 Dec 12
that was actually an obsolete concept. In modern civilized society now believe in equal opportunity for both male and female. Both party should have to be sacrifice equally and share their views and opinions frankly to make their life easy.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
11 Dec 12
It would be nice if this modern civilized society practiced this more. I agree that both parties should sacrifice equally. It really would make life easier. Hopefully in time things will improve in this regard.
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
4 Dec 12
As a man, I never see women this way. I know what you mean and have read and seen the situations you have described. I actually feel sorry for those women for being treated that way and growing up in such a culture. Some people overdo this and really go to the extreme with how they treat their women, most especially their wives and daughters. They say the modern ways are evil, and I wonder what they call their actions then.![](/Content/images/emotes/blink.gif)
![](/Content/images/emotes/blink.gif)
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
11 Dec 12
Yeah I agree with what your saying. Women should be treated with the utmost respect. After all throughout history women have always done a great deal for others. It is sad that so many women are treated badly.
@sajujohn (1005)
• India
4 Dec 12
In my opinion both husband and wife is having equal responsibility in a marital life. I have also heard religions and people saying woman should be down to earth,should sacrifice everything in her life for her husband and etc etc. But my thought is that if woman could do these all things then obviously the men are also responsible for doing all these. And in my opinion if a man really loves his wife, he will be the first to do all these sacrifices and all.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
11 Dec 12
Yeah I completely agree with you. Both partners should both be willing to make sacrifices. Like you said if the wife can do these things so can the husband. It really does show love when both are willing to do their part.
@arreolabryan (856)
• Philippines
4 Dec 12
Woman have the same rights as man. It is their choice to do what they want. People may see it differently, but in reality they can do what they want.
1 person likes this
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
11 Dec 12
Yeah I agree with you. Women should make their own decisions and choices especially if their partner/spouse doesn't respect them. Hopefully more women will be able to find men who are able to respect them and help them when they need it.
@Rigel4 (47)
• United States
4 Dec 12
If you want your husband to take the lead, he will do as he please. I agree that women should be able to pursue their own desires and goal, so I would advise you to take the lead. If you take the lead because your husband won't, he may be more likely to submit to your will.
If you are making all the sacrifices, and he does nothing, you need to speak to him about your feelings. If you already have, and your situation is unbearable, you may want to consider whether this relationship is worth your pain.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
11 Dec 12
Yeah I understand what you mean. That is what we are trying to decide and work on now. Whether or not we want to improve our relationship or call it quits. It truly has been a long ordeal. But hopefully I will be able to look back on it as only a small part of a big and happier picture.
![](/Content/images/loading.gif)