Start with Trust

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I have found myself in the middle of a relationship, in which I have demonstrated insecurity at a great level. Perhaps, it had something to do with unfortunate events that have happened in my life. However, I should not have let this happen. I need to give my beloved some space and a benefit of the doubt. Fighting over the same thing that is not there has led to a "repair-period" that will involve a psychologist. It happened so that I lost my brother at the age of 4. The doctors told my mother that I would grow into an aggressive man. Due to the fact that my brother has died when I was a little child, some psychological defence-mechanism has worked against me. It has led to numerous insecurities with other people. Including my beloved, the one and only that I plan to marry. So, what has caused me to spoil my relationship? 1. She has an ex as a friend. So what? Nothing special, as it turned out. Just a guy whom she kissed twice a lot of years ago, before I even came into the picture. I even forgot that I had a similar friend on my facebook list. A close female friend of mine whom I kissed back in my teenage years. There are no feelings left from that whatsoever and I wouldn't betray my current girlfriend. So, why should she betray me? 2. Two of her male friends got interested in her. Yes, two of her male friends got interested in my beloved. However, she told me about it in both cases. She warned me that there was nothing between them and that she would meet up with them one time to find out whether they could handle being just friends. If they would be hurt and definitely wanted something more, then she would have quit such friendships. I didn't trust her to handle such situations, even though I should have. As a result, she saw that those two friends would not get rid of their feelings and then she stopped those friendships. However, I kept fighting about it up to now. Why? Perhaps, that leads me back to my self-defence mechanism. As a result, I kept quarreling with my beloved. Every month, within almost three years of our relationship, I have been distrustful. I have been insecure, when, really, my girlfriend was totally faithful and even told me everything. She even confessed to me that she wanted to be an actress someday, but she wouldn't feel right kissing other men on-screen. She would only want to do it with me. So, there I am - getting my psychological treatment soon. I hope to make it better. I'm sure I will. Real love always perseveres.