"Hi" Silence.Okay I will keep my mouth shut. lol.
@Hatley (163776)
Garden Grove, California
January 7, 2013 4:04pm CST
As old as I am I still wonder why sometimes when you live where you are constantly around co residents nobody speaks to you in the elevator,.I mean not even hi, good morning, or go to hell. To me'
it feels cold and at times a bit chilly.I do not expect a over whelming bubbly conversation. But does it hurt anyone who sees you every damned day not to at least say Hi to you ?For example these three Vietnamese girls get in the elevator with me and so close I can feel ones breath,yet not a one speaks. Maybe this is just a cultural thing or is it a deliberate up yours old lady. I did the hi thing just once,ice cold silence. Your take mylotters. I do not want to hold long conversation for petes sakes but a nice hello or hi would not hurt.
Now several of the men here always say"Hi who are you doing today" That m kes me respond with "I am just fine and you ? " Is this the modern thing or is it age related or what? I am not an outgoing person and am really rather shy but if anyone needs help I will respond at once.I have made some good
friends through having helped a person to her feet even though I only have one really good arm.Now in an impersonal setting like in a medical building where you have to take an elevator to the fifth floor I do not expect strangers to speak to me.but even there I
have had several people at least ask me what floor I want? 
15 people like this
52 responses
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
7 Jan 13
Well, I know myself too well. I would have said to the Vietnamese ladies.."Hi girl, how is everyone doing today?"...and no response, then "oh, is no one talking today?" and no response, then...ok, then I'll just sit here and leave you alone and not talk. That's me. I find what they did rude, unless they don't understand English. I normally get people to talk to me though, even if they're shy to a degree. I do it all the time, even though I'm a bit shy myself. It's psychology and I love to play the role, although I don't even know what the heck I'm doing, HAHAHA! 
3 people like this
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
7 Jan 13
Thank you dawnald...takes a bow.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Jan 13
HI Kashmeresmy cat you are more outgoing than I . Hlep .I felt snubbed the one time I said hi to one of them.They speak good English although in the dining room they speak only Vietnanese.'
So I just guess i ts cultural with them.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
8 Jan 13
They would probably just stare at her like she's a bump on a pickle. Or maybe they would just look away and not speak. If they haven't spoke by now, they aren't likely to start. Hatletmy, you might tell them that you don't bite. 
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
gh myh whole comment flew off grrrrrrrrrrrrr. just remembering the Sioux Indian in the library while a movie crew was making a short thing on library use and were pointing cameras all over the place.'He yelled "no no Do not use that devil machine, You steal my spirit no no." So they did not film him and really they had not informed people that they were taking their pictures and thats really illegal yo know.
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
8 Jan 13
I don't know what it is Hatley. I don't believe it is an age thing. After all, you are elderly and you are not like that. I see lots of elderly people who are very friendly and will greet you in passing. My take on it is that you just live with a bunch of grumps.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
8 Jan 13
I always smile and greet people in passing and always have. I have met some wonderful people just by saying, "Hi, hows it going?" Often just a smile will lead someone to open up a conversation. As many that are friendly, I've also noticed that many just can't even bother to smile or acknowledge that you've spoken to them. I figure that they are having a bad day or possibly a bad life or that they are just plain rude. I just let it go like you do.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
Hi I do too and its made me a numberof fri ends here but sadly most have moved on now.So many left that are I guess just wrapped up in their own concerns and do not want totalk t o anyone. so I will wrap my self up too in thinking of what t opic can I wirte abou t. lol
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi sid thats what I am thinking too. Then I was brou ght up on the farm and went to school in a small town.,Everyone knew you and car e here nobody know anybody and further more they do
not care either. So I shall chalk it up to leave me alone old lady and ignore them as its only a two minute
ride anyway.
ride anyway.
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
8 Jan 13
Maybe your Vietnamese neighbors might be just too shy or intimidated coz maybe they hardly know English and that keeps them away from being friendly. I mean, a smile can do, right? But some people are a bit insecure when they are in a foreign land. They might be scared that you'd actually start a conversation with them and they would be in panic on how to respond to you. Well, it's just what I think.....
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi jenny no thats not true with them as they speak fluent English and are really forthcoming not at all shy at least with their clique.no they are rather arrogant if anygthiong. but I will smile and hjuyst ignore them from now on as I do not like being ignroed or treated like s.h.i.t. myself.they have been here at Golld Crest for five years so no exu se.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi jenny yes I made up my mind to ignore bad manners on their part and to enjoy my life anyway as there a re more things to be happy about than sad anyway .
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
8 Jan 13
I see... so they are a bunch of snobs! Very unfriendly neighbors! Well, life goes on even without them. Let's all move forward.
Well, life goes on even without them. Let's all move forward. 1 person likes this
@ARIES1973 (11426)
• Legaspi, Philippines
8 Jan 13
Hi auntie!
Perhaps you could start the conversation. They must be too shy to start it. There are times that if I can feel somebody that I do not know is always looking at me at public place and it seems that he/she would like to say something, I would be the one to break the silence.
Have a nice day!
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi Aries oh those three are anything but shy as they talk to th eir clique members non stop; in a flood of Vietnamese although they speak excellent English. I wish I cou d be more forth coming like that but I am always afraid I will be rebuffed I g ess.I remember with almost hatred being talked a bout as a kid "OH shes so bashful" as if it was the most hideous thing to be and I have hated that word ever since. Shy is okay bashful sounds ominous to me lol.
1 person likes this
@ARIES1973 (11426)
• Legaspi, Philippines
8 Jan 13
Okay. Auntie, my nose is bleeding again. you gave me a hard time understanding this paragraph. I have to use my online dictionary again to know the meaning of difference of bash and shy, hideous, ominous and rebuffed. Anyway even my nose is bleeding continuously, I've learned something from you today. Have a nice day auntie. 
1 person likes this
@Mavic123456 (21893)
• Thailand
8 Jan 13
Ouch..... I am so guilty with this, i have an attitude that if the person will not greet me first i won't greet. Yes, now i think i have to change this attitude... In your behalf i applogize for those whom i have not greeted even the simple word of "hi" and a smile.. Promise that i will be more courteous to the people i will be meeting along the way.
. Promise that i will be more courteous to the people i will be meeting along the way.@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi I would not have felt hurt except that they made it a p ioint to turn their backs on me so now as far as I am concerned I will ignore. I can smile nicely and that is that.I do not easily
for give something really rude like that.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
Happy New Year Mavic. The sun is out and its a gorgeous day and I decided to ignore those who do not respond and be happy anyway.
.@Mavic123456 (21893)
• Thailand
8 Jan 13
Ohhh even if i dont say hi to strangers i dont turn my back on anyone... Aunt Hatley, in fact if a stranger smile at me i samile back and if a stranger talk to me i reply. Whewwww... So i am not rude .... Yet. Happy new year aunt hatley
1 person likes this
@ElicBxn (63594)
• United States
7 Jan 13
It could be a cultural thing. I'm not too sure, but I have found that certain groups are not too friendly outside of their "comfort" zone and for some, that means in their own groups.
I am also rather shy, but I've worked hard to move out of my comfort zone and try to be friendly to people.
I've noticed that certain cultures are less open to outside contact, outside their peer group, for example.
So, if these Vietnamese girls (I'm guessing young women) may feel that because you are 1 - Anglo and 2 - older that to speak to you might be considered disrespectful, even though in our culture, not speaking in response is disrespectful.
maybe someone in mylot would know better than another older Anglo woman would...
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi ElicBxn yes I do get your frigt. Yes t hey seem very Americanized and use terms like yeah a lot. So yes I am
sure its got to do with my age so am just shrugging it
iff and going on about my own affairs.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi ElicBxn yes I really think thats it as they do tend to pal in a clique so I will just put it up to culture.a lot of other people do speak to me and I of course do respond. I am pretty shy so it
takes a a bit of friendliness for me to respond then I will respond readily. oddly here my Indian friends seem to see me as a person to look up to as I am elderly kind of nice for a change. lol. I do try to move out of my comfort zone too as I hate people thinking I am snobbish when its just shyness.Now this one chinese man here always speaks to me when we are in the elevator just a few words but it just acknowledges I am alive and sharing a ride.lol
then I will respond readily. oddly here my Indian friends seem to see me as a person to look up to as I am elderly kind of nice for a change. lol. I do try to move out of my comfort zone too as I hate people thinking I am snobbish when its just shyness.Now this one chinese man here always speaks to me when we are in the elevator just a few words but it just acknowledges I am alive and sharing a ride.lol1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
7 Jan 13
Hi Hatley, how are you? I am taking a short break from my class. Today is the first day and I am still in my first class and sooooo tired..But it's okay, I am sure it is taking so long because I am also reading the syllabus which takes a while plus trying to get a routine down. So this week is going to be super long...
Wow, maybe that is why people don't talk to me, I can go on and on, can't I? But a polite "hello" shouldn't become a thing of the past, it is rude and I think people like this are very unhappy..
1 person likes this
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
8 Jan 13
I wonder if I would be just brave enough to say hi anyways, even if the girls were rude..
Yes today was my first day and I am disappointed, I didn't get as much done, but like you said, I am trying to organize and it may take a few days, maybe a week to get it together. Here it is, almost 9:30 PM and I am going to go ahead and start my second class, get the syllabus and rules of the class along with my first reading tonight. That way I can start tomorrow morning with my reading and hopefully get the rest of my classes going..
Yes today was my first day and I am disappointed, I didn't get as much done, but like you said, I am trying to organize and it may take a few days, maybe a week to get it together. Here it is, almost 9:30 PM and I am going to go ahead and start my second class, get the syllabus and rules of the class along with my first reading tonight. That way I can start tomorrow morning with my reading and hopefully get the rest of my classes going..1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi carm I have never taken any classes on the net but have been tempted too sev eral times. if nothing else some writing classes to motivate me to start writing again.i may try another hi some time soion bu t for o now I will just be happy in my own little way s.
I should be wr iting a gain as its always been my passion. lol
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Jan 13
hi carm wow I typed two sentences and they flew off. grrrrr.How is the book coming:{ I wold love to talk to some of these people but I said hi to one of the three Vietnamese girls and got a cold stare.
So today is your first day and I think thats always the hardest as you struggle to get things lined up.
Odd thats most of the guys I say hi to aallways respond and ask how am I and I always say " I am fine and you"
"1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166761)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Jan 13
A nice smile goes a long way too. I know I refrain from talking sometimes, just not knowing for sure what to say. By the time I have decided the elevator is there, I am off and on my way. Hehe Shy is me too. Its a sign of the time. People don't care about others anymore. And maybe they are shy as well.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi Celtic I think its from living in impersonal big cities.
I have had it with them i will smile and thats it. Snub me once shame n you snub me again shame on me.I need to grow a tougher skin and ignore them. not worth feeling hurt.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (166761)
• Boise, Idaho
8 Jan 13
You are so right. Hope it works okay for you.
1 person likes this
@JamesKYTan (1605)
• Malaysia
8 Jan 13
It is a cold cold world. If I am in an elevator and there are familiar faces around even though I don't their names I will just say "hello" to them. That is polite and courteous. Most often they acknowledge back. Even complete strangers in a crowded elevator I sometimes at them if they look at my direction and they smile back. That is life.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi james I once smiled at the people ahead of me getting on a very crowded mus and they smiled back then the driver smiled and I smiled back . I got t o wondering as I rode back to my apartment how fa r one smile could go as they do trigger other smiles.yes it is a cold world really . People a re so leery of others they do not really know and I think this is more prevalent in bigger s cities. I gre up on a farm and went to school in a small town. S o we all knew each other and cared for each other too.
and I think this is more prevalent in bigger s cities. I gre up on a farm and went to school in a small town. S o we all knew each other and cared for each other too.@JamesKYTan (1605)
• Malaysia
9 Jan 13
Laugh and the world laughs with you. Weep and you weep alone. So spread the smile around. Smile is a contagious disease that everyone want to catch.
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
7 Jan 13
What's their English like? That's the only reason I can fathom for the Vietnamese girls to ignore you.
To be honest, I'm not a big fan of elevators (or lifts as they're called here) as I find them very claustrophobic, but there again, if I had mobility problems, I'd be in one like a shot lol.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
7 Jan 13
hi something ate my co mment. ggr. Oddly their English is better than m y American English. Oh Janey if I did not have to use oneI would be thrilled as I am on the second floor.Also with a walker I cannot climb the stairs to get up here easily.I have don e t hat four times over the years because of power outage. loll
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi janey a caregiver came with me and held onto my arm so I got down just fine. lol
@Janey1966 (24170)
• Carlisle, England
8 Jan 13
Oh my, I hope the stairs weren't too steep for you.
1 person likes this
@namiya (1718)
• Philippines
8 Jan 13
I am a shy person too and around our residential community I recognize more people by faces rather than by names for I don't go around the neighborhood except for necessity cases. However, whenever I meet these familiar faces I just smile at them and if ever they greet me I dutifully return the greeting for ignoring someone is for me a sign of rudeness and lack of respect for that person. For your "snobbish" co residents however, don't you think their attitude may also be a sort of a defense mechanism to hide their feeling of inadequacy within your community?
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi namiya no I do not asx GardenGrove is right in the middle of Little Saigon a com;plete V ietnamese settlement made of the boat people who fled Vietnam as the war ended with literallyh no thing but the clothes on their backs. This is Graen Grove Aclifornis they loved our climate. I anm in a retore,emt cemter. mpt a mirsomg jp,e. kist retored [e p[;;e amd tjese trere wp,em jave beemd wjem O ca,e here fpir uears agp.
TTjeu are treated tje sa,as amupme e ;se amd theor English is very gopd. No I feel they are three little snobs myself. Anopne one with good breeding would reply to a friendly hi so I am done. I dol not want a nother snub. I will smiloe and ignore them.seein that being Vietnames in a settlementof V ietnamese it seems a por defense. For me I will just smile and thats it.
1 person likes this
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
8 Jan 13
hi my friend, i'm so sorry you have to go thru all this. reminds me of a song that is an all time classic that never goes out of style here in the Philippines and the title of the song is " " Can we just stop and talk a while" by Jose Marie Chan, and one of the lines goes like this "I've been often told our world's growing old
And that friends are harder to find
Do tell me more about yourself
We could share a thought or two
Now who would mind? " The whole song is here http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/j/jose_mari_chan/can_we_just_stop_and_talk_awhile.html another version was sang by Lea Salonga ( the Miss Saigon Filipina) Oh friend Filipinos are very friendly especially to foreigners, just don't know about the younger generation, I often make it a point to talk to elderly people even when i was younger cause from them we can get wisdom, and i know that that is where all of us are going (old age) if we do not die, wonder why some ignore the elderly? , they have so much to share we we just stop to listen.
, they have so much to share we we just stop to listen.1 person likes this
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
9 Jan 13
old age is not contagious, it's already in our genes, once you are born in this world, that's the only way to go, yep old age should be differentiated from senility, that I guess is what some people tend to over look
, yep old age should be differentiated from senility, that I guess is what some people tend to over look
Heck! Most of my acquaintances and friends are old people. I just love hanging around them cause I can learn so much from them. @Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi louievill I haved a friend here who is Filipino and so sweet, she is forever giving me little treats as we are both diabetics. She
would say hi if we ere in the elevator together. Those girls might be Vietnamese but they speak fluent English and seem very much at home here.So I was sort of surprised and irked when my hi met cold silence.Sometimes I think we are ignored as they might be afraid old age would be contagious.
uld be contagious.
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
8 Jan 13
They're usually thinking about what they have to do (and most people have to keep concentrating on 'what the plan is' or else they'll forget it).
Oh, people are USUALLY able to remember what they're doing subconciously from clues in the context of where they're going. But the only way to GUARANTEE they'll remember is if they keep concentrating on it all the way there.
Kinda like I'm way too careful now stepping off of curbs, because one time I wasn't thinking at all when I stepped off a curb and bent my ankle about 80 degrees the wrong way and hurt my knee (which still complains abbout it here three months after). Oh, the body USUALLY takes care of that stuff automatically; but the only way to GUARANTEE proper curb-dismount is to take the time to work it out CONSCIOUSLY.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi mythociate you are prob ably right. about curbs I use a walker as I have a balance problem. Stepping off a curb is to me the most dangerous part, I can step up easier but going down I can stumble and fall if I am not super careful. I had a bad fall two years ago when someone spilled coffee on highly polished tile. I came along with my quad cane, and swoosh I fell face down, broke my nose, two cheekbones, and twisted my right knee. It still bothers me at
t mes too as though I did not break it it was too painful to walk on. I had to have rehab in Care house for 20 days before I could bear to put weight on that knee. take care going down from a c urb tyourself.
@mythociate (21432)
• Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
9 Jan 13
I was only drawing a similitude there---that--as I have to consciously concentrate on 'keeping my foot bent right as I step off the curb' (almost SAYING 'keep your ankle bent!'---even though it would seem that 'keeping your ankle bent as you step off the curb' would be natural)
--some people have to concentrate on 'whatever it is they're doing,' even though it would seem natural to 'break concentration & say "hi!" & dive right back into concentration.'
... If I sound a little frustrated, don't worry; it's not you, it's this computer! It has taken three-and-a-half/four hours to get online while Microsoft was downloading/installing an update ... 'keep working while this loads in the background' MY A$$!
@kareng (59050)
• United States
8 Jan 13
I think a lot of it is the generation gap. I find kids and teens these days just do not have the respect and manners that we were brought up with. You mentioned some of these people were Vietnamese, maybe they just are not comfortable in their surroundings or with the language?
I see the same thing here in our building. Lots pass in the halls without saying a word. A friendly hello goes a long way, and it doesn't kill anyone.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi karen no those three girls speak better English than I who am a native here.So its not that. I think they have a clique of four and seldom do speak to anyone else. So okay JI will keep quiet and not sully the air with unwanted hi's.
s.
@3SnuggleBunnies (16374)
• United States
9 Jan 13
I think it depends on the person and like you said possibly the culture. The city I grew up in you didn't say Hi to no one you minded your business and went along your way. The city I live in now many times if you are walking down the street people will say Hi or Morning/Evening and go on their way... I was blown away the first time that happened here because I was used to people not saying anything to you. The only time people would talk to you is if it was a place of business and it was their job. To each their own, just know you are trying to be nice and friendly to those around you and realize you won't always get a response back.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
9 Jan 13
hi 3snugglebunnies yes I think it really does and the age and c ulture. A lot of the younger people here do not speak to us old
fogeys and yet some are very friendly too. I was amazed at the culture of the older Vietnamese. I will be sitting outside in front and an old white haired Vietnamese will always nod and call good day maam . nice day isn't it?" MOst Americans if they do not know us will surel y go past and not even see us. But the younger ones do not do that.So I think my age is the stopping block so I will ignore , smile and go about my business as usual.
smile and go about my business as usual. @wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
8 Jan 13
It sounds like you have some really rude people in your building. When someone says "hi" to you, it is appropriate to at least acknowledge the greeting even if one does not wish to have some long conversation with the person.
At one point, I did live in such a building. Of course, it was a place where a number of the residents were--how do I put this politely?--riff-raff. I was quite happy to move out of that particular building, because the people weren't simply cold. Some of them bordered on the criminally insane.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi wilson here we are all retired and a few are bi poolar and when
not on meds oh my . I just am going to ignore these women and smile and not speak as I do not need to be rebuffed again. they are rude and also quite arrogant so leave them alone. I will be myself and to heck with those who will not respond to me.People retiring here do come in all guises from smart to stupid to kind to mean just name it. I would love to be able to afford an apartment but I
cannot do so so here I am..I am only here because we were evicted ah honmeless four years ago and am still stuck here. the economy really jst stinks so bad.
st stinks so bad.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi MandaLee I wou d have spoken to you too so I am just going t o ignore it and speak to others who do speak to me and be happy
knowing I am not that rude.I try to be kind to everyone so its hard to sometimes understand some people.
ple.
@blue65packer (11826)
• United States
8 Jan 13
When I use an elevator I don't expect someone to say anything to me. Maybe what floor I want but that it is it. I don't and never expected anyone to talk to me while on an elevator. To me it is no big deal and never will be.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
hi blue65packer whew guess I got told off. well if you had to use the damned elevator three timers a day every day and the people who
u se it with you are co residents I think it only polite to say ni but thats my opinion and you have yours.So people are not to ever be friendly but just be cold fish okay.look on an elevator in some place else no I d o not expect any one to do any damned thing but
you could have been a bit more tactful.
have been a bit more tactful.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
8 Jan 13
HI DDAGUNO havfe not seen you for awhile.Yes when I said hi I did expect a hi back but its okay. I will live. just sort of sad how c ool people are now days. No manners, no caring at all.
