Scared of possibilities

Well, if you think that your husband will be able to support your family entirely, you can switch to full time mom. It can be difficult in the beginning since your entire routine will change, but having one of your kids needing special attention and your full time, there shouldn't be question of hesitation. Once you observe any improvement, you can always look for other possibilities and even new job, because her needs are first, I suppose. The only issue that will remain is whether your husband will be willing and capable to take care of the entire financial support.

If your life in the city is working well for you then it is a big decision to leave it and live in the country, especially for you as your husband is away so much. Will the children have more quality time with him too, or just with you? Not everyone finds fulfilment in being a stay at home mother and if you are one of them then leaving a job you enjoy to doing one you describe as being 'tedious' would not be a sensible decision. Living in the countryside is relaxing and pleasant but not if it will cause tension in the home between you and your husband, or if you find it hard work caring for two children, one of whom has special needs. If you have relied on help in the house then this will be an added burden for you. Can you not take the maid with you?

That is where your being a mom will be fully tested. I was a full time mom when i had my first day, at the same time i was also going to school.. somehow with the help of my mom i was able to manage it, school then go back at home to take care of my kid.. As for now, i am also working 8 hours a day and i tell you i miss being a stay at home mom... how i wish i have the financial stability to stop working and be with them.. you can do it smiling, if you are willing to do it and if your heart is into it.

If your husband can provide your financial needs then there's no problem with that. As you have said, your children need you. It's different when a mom takes care of her children than having them raised by another person or people. They need your love and care. I guess when they are already big enough, I guess you can go back to work or have a business of your own. Or if you want, you can work online. You can manage your time and you are your own boss. Goodluck. I know you can make it!

I think you need to sacrifice for the mean time. You said earlier that your daughter needs special attention because of her condition and so she needs your total care and presence. Being a mom is a tough responsibility but according to my mom, no one can explain how she feels when she serves us, their offs spring. Being a full time mom is a noble profession.

it can be tough adjusting from a career woman to a full time mom.make sure you are ready for the change its big and if you really love and enjoy your work it can be unsettling.you also need to decide how much of you the kids need so that you also dont feel you have sacrificed too much.all said and done the decision is yours and i hope you make the best choice.but ofcourse if your child has a special need of your attention there is no compromise.

hi smiling no do not give uop your career as thats one way you can help in c ase youor husband is ever ill or cannot work. Whey give up a career lots of womenm m,angae caring for children and still have a career. With your husband off in another country I think you should keep your career as you must have spent a lot of time developing it. when your children are grown it would be hard to resume an old career no keep it by all means. A lot of moms just work parttime so see if you could do that. a

I have 3 kids and I am proud to say that I take care of them by myself. I only hire a nanny for a year each time I gave birth due to my operation( cesarian operation) After a year, I can manage everything myself. I know it's hard but I am sure you can make it too. There are other full time housewife with 4-6 kids and able to manage everything in the house even without a nanny or househelp. Now my kids are grown teeagers and I am working part time- and at the same time full time mom doing all the houseworks.

Living in the countryside is rather relaxing. Life there is so blissful as compared to life in the city. City life is stressful. You can try for say 6 months in the country with the help of your maid. If you can't cope then you can go back to work in the city. Don't you know it is better to take care of your own children personally. You can give 100% undivided attention. The more you spend time with them the more love develop. Quality time spent with your children the bonding of love is very strong.

Thanks for this nice discussion. In my opinion you need not give up job, i am aware of the employment situation in your country, i was there in 2004, you can hire a care taker if you can.

I always believe and will always be, that a loving mother like you can give up anything for her family's good. I know you care for your family. A career can be replaced with a better one. It's a priority thing. Family or career. Family always comes first - to me. I know that you have all the options in your hands to make the wise decision for you and those you truly care and love most. What I know is that when God closes a door, another will be opened, which is usually better than the first. It is a matter of trust.

First of all: you're not alone. We always and we all have fears before huge decisions that are gonna change my lives forever. The only thing I would advise to you is estimating the pros and the cons of each scenario, and what is more important to you. And also, difficult tasks are not impossible, and we can have hidden strength in us to solve and achieve them.

Why are you worrying about doing all the tedious tasks being a full time mom when you have 'house help'? I was a home-school mom - educated my children, planned all the lessons, took care of them as a mom and also did all my housework. There are many home-school moms with special needs children, so you will not be the only full time mom with a child who has a 'condition'. There are women who have adopted special needs children. So, be brave and strong - for the sake of your children. My Grandmother had lots of servants and a nanny for her children (which included my mom) before WWII. After the war, my Grandparents lost just about everything. They moved to a different country and had to start all over again. This time, with NO servants. My granny had to learn to change diapers, cook and clean her house, because she never knew how before. Her attitude: Life is an Adventure! My Grandfather's attitude: 'Chin up and carry on!' So, whenever I feel like complaining about the 'tedious tasks' I remember my Grandparents attitude - Life is an adventure and carry on!!! Also, she loved being able to get close to her children - without the nanny and the servants getting between her and her children . A deeper bond and closeness developed between my Grandparents and my Mom and her siblings. They pulled together and learned to rely on themselves and each other. If you think of the tasks as being tedious - they will be tedious. If you think of the tasks as being an adventure - they will be an adventure. If you think of the tasks as being loving - your tasks will be an expression of your love for your children. The 'career' of raising your children is the most important career because children are our most important resource. They need all the love and care we can give them.