I'm being selfish
By 911Ricki
@911Ricki (13588)
Canada
January 24, 2013 2:10pm CST
This friend who called me about getting pregnent, she called back and had told her Mom. Well her Mom wasn't overly joyed about it, and thought the samething, she isn't working, she can't support herself, dependent on everyone else, and the fact she now has to grow up.
She kept going on, I just said I can see her point, but it's over and done with you need to deal with it yourself and do what is best for the child.
She then starts going at me (I think hormones), how I am selfish and have done nothing with my life because I don't have kids. I just laughted, and told her no I don't want kids, and if I do eventually I would consider it first meaning finacnially my living situation if I am ready for them and so on.
I want to have my own place, and not struggle to feed myself and a child. I know right now I don;t want children, I know I couldn't support one, nor want to drop everything work, volunteering, schooling for the next 18 years.
But this how different we are, she barely graduated high school, goes job to job, guy to guy, and thinks having kids will complete her. She may be happy for the time being, but it;s different when the kids is here.
I know if I had a kid now, I would have to work constantly, I wouldn't have time for the kids, and people wont be there to help you constantly, the first week or two, then everyone goes back to life and your on your own. You then have yourself and someone else, it is a lot of work, and I know I wouldn't be able to do it especially with my health issues at the moment.
My other friend who grew up with her too, said she is the selfish one. She wanted a child so badly, and bringing one into the world, without thinking of the consequences.
5 people like this
10 responses
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
24 Jan 13
No, she is the selfish one. Choosing to get pregnant in order to feel "complete" is a very selfish act--even more so when one does not have the means to support the child, nor the education to be able to navigate things so that she can provide a decent life for the child even with limited finances.
I have to wait until I am reasonably financially stable in order to have children, because I intend to adopt. I expect a ring on my finger, our own house and a few extra dollars in the bank before we bring any child into the picture.
2 people like this
@911Ricki (13588)
• Canada
24 Jan 13
I think the same as you, I know things happen. But the fact her boyfriend and her have been together 3 months, and barely know each other. Having a child is big stress on your relationship, and this soon in a relationship. Many say wait until at least 6 months in a relationship, this is the make or break line. The fact she isn't working, he is barely, they live in her brother basement (her brother has big financial problems), she can't guarentee anything. She has no savings, and no future for this child. I would feel so guilty and bad bringing a child into such a household, and not being able to even provide the necessitities. She is very immature, and irresponsible she thinks it will be so much fun and she can sit at home and play video games. But she wont get mat leave seeing as she isnt working, she doesn't qualify.
3 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (47314)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
24 Jan 13
There is a segment of the young female population that think all they have to do is get pregnant and then go on welfare and they'll never have to work for a living. They're obviously deluded, but it doesn't stop them. Some of them may even come from a family of welfare dependents.
2 people like this
@911Ricki (13588)
• Canada
24 Jan 13
Once thinking about it, her mother was just like this. They have nothing but a child to be complete. She is very immature, and irresponsible and it shows. I don't want to bring a child into this world, and teach them that getting government assistance is normal, not working for what you want, and raising them in an unsteady environment which will rub off on them, and reflect who they are.
3 people like this
@lilybug (21107)
• United States
25 Jan 13
Yeah, you are not the selfish one. Choosing not to have children is not selfish. Everyone has their own ideas of how they want their lives to be and if you chose to not have kids that is your decision. She is the selfish one having a kid to make her life complete. No one else can do that for you. It is something you have to do for yourself.
2 people like this
@namiya (1718)
• Philippines
25 Jan 13
Your friend should have realized what she is getting into when she started living in with her boyfriend. Once you enter into an unstable relationship you should be ready to face the risk. Maybe she is one who have this notion that once they are in a tight situation those they consider close to them have also the obligation to share the consequences of their actions.
2 people like this
@iva75cpb (729)
• Bulgaria
25 Jan 13
It's not only about getting pregnant and bring a child to this world, especially given the situation the world is in now. Having a child comes with a number of responsibilities, involving care, financial stability, education, and so on. Every woman who decides to have a child just for the fact that she would feel proud she's a mother, and not thinking about the future, is the selfish one, not her friends who try to pour reason in her head. Of course it's wonderful to have a child, it's the greatest experience of all. I am a mother myself and when I gave birth, I had a job and financial stability, and now, as being unemployed, I know how hard it is. I'm struggling for survival every single day.
Instead of calling you selfish, your friend must ignore her hormones and not excuse with them, but sit and think. Because one day, when she feels forced to give her innocent child up for adoption, because of not being able to look after the child, she will suffer deeply...
2 people like this
@Nursefrai06 (2498)
• Penrith, Australia
25 Jan 13
I think the best thing she can do is to just accept everything. Being sad at this time will do no good to her. Negative feelings during pregnancy can be transmitted to the child. The neurotransmitters that feelings of sadness the mother feels can interfere with the child's development and can lead to psychological problems when they get older. She is already at this point in her life, she may had made mistakes but it's over now and there is nothing she can do about it. She has made a decision, the least she can do is make that decision right.
2 people like this
@julyteen (13252)
• Davao, Philippines
25 Jan 13
I remember one of my friend and staff on my offline business. When she got pregnant, no one knows except me. I am a man and she is a woman but she trust her secret to me. I was out of the country that time, so I advised her to went in our house so that she will be hide from what she was doing. She hide but unfortunately, she lost the child because of miscarriage. I consider myself not selfish. I am ready to help if I can manage it.
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
25 Jan 13
hi rickit no you are not being selfish as raising chidren is hbar work and y are so right. Yhou need to be solvent and have a place of your own before thinking of marriage and a family. that is not selfish just common sense.Like you said too you have health issues. not every young woman has to have children.she should have prepared first before getting pregnant
@kingparker (9673)
• United States
25 Jan 13
Financially, as you described her situation, she is unstable, and might not be able to support a new born child. She might end up going back to her mom and family and ask for help. I absolutely agree with you, think before you act on it. Maybe she goes with her pregnancy unplanned, but since she is now pregnant, I won't agree she opt for abortion. Let the child be born, and she should correct her attitude a bit, and be responsible for her child for her own child's sake.
2 people like this
@jenny1015 (13366)
• Philippines
25 Jan 13
She obviously have a short term goal in her life. But I hope she sees the effect of what she has in mind. I don't think that you are selfish. You are just being practical and wise.
1 person likes this
