His date lied about her weight (online dating)

Unfortunately it is true that many people lie in their profiles and many people get disappointed when they discover that their date has lied about their appearance, life situation etc. I think that it is important to keep your expectations down when you meet someone from the internet because the person might be different in real life. I also feel sorry for the woman, and if I was in that man's situation I would have introduced myself and talked to the woman instead of leaving without a word. I would be upset that she had lied, but I would still talk to her and listen to her explanation.

I think that option b is quite common. Some people aren't comfortable with their own body and they assume that other people would have the same kind of negative thoughts about their body so they change their description in order to seem more attractive. I would imagine that the woman in this story did that as well. She was probably afraid that the man would reject her when she told him that she was overweight, and he did reject her, but I am not sure if he did it because he wasn't attracted to her or because of the fact that she lied about her appearance. In her situation I would prefer to be honest. Of course you can get rejected when you are honest, but I still wouldn't hide the truth.

I think when you lie, the only person you are hurting is yourself. Like when you lie to a person, you risk the trust they've given you and if they don't trust you, well, who's having a hard time then? I guess every bad thing we do backfires on us and we don't even know it, maybe that is true karma?

I would also characterize his reaction as immature and he could at least have introduced himself and talked to her instead of leaving without a word. I do understand that he was upset to discover that the woman has lied about her weight, and in her situation I would have been honest about my appearance, but on the other hand I think that she lied because she was afraid of rejection and maybe because of bad experiences in the past (she could have been judged because of her appearance in the past) In his situation I would wouldn't have left like he did. Maybe the woman was a wonderful person and he never discovered that because he just left.

It is a bit ironic. The woman probably lied because she was afraid that she would scare the man away if she told him the truth so she didn't tell him the truth...and she ended up scaring him away. If I had been in that woman's situation I would have been honest about my weight. I don't think that there is much point in lying about something like because my date would discover the truth as soon as we meet, and he might get very disappointed when he discovered that I had lied about my weight.

There are success stories as well and I actually met my husband on the internet, but it can be a big challenge to find the right person. I agree with the thing you wrote about the lies. Some people lie about some of their personal details because they want to appear more attractive, and I have heard a number of stories where a person went on date with someone that they had met on the internet and they didn't recognize the person they met because he or she had lied about different things. Or course there are also many people who are honest and don't try to appear more attractive than they really are, but it can be long process to find the right person. You are also right about the scams. Romance scams have become quite common, and the scammers use fake photoes and lie about everything to get money from the victims. That must be a really painful experience for the victim. They thought that they had found their dream man/woman and then it turns out that the person was only in love with their wallet.

Porcospino~ I met my husband online too in a chat room, so there are people that it works for online. Of course we have to be aware and cautious but without the internet who knows if you or I would have met our husbands...I am glad I found my husband online! =-) It makes for a different story than most people's.

I have heard about that, too, I mean people who want to test their date in order to find out if he or she would stay if they discovered that their date wasn't as attractive as they had expected. If the girl in the story had done that as well, there is no doubt that man failed the test since he just left without a word. In his situation I think that it would be better to stay and talk to the woman for a while. I would have done that and during the conversation I would have tried to find out more about the woman and the reason why she hadn't been honest about her weight.

We know only the story from his point of view, and I think it possible that he hadn't been completely honest either. If that was the case he "forgot" to mention it when he told the story I think that he should have stayed and talked to her. I wouldv have done that if I had been in his situation.

I agree with that. I wouldn't stand the person up. I would stay and talk to the person. Maybe this woman had a great personality and the man never discovered that because he didn't even take the time to talk to her. I am not sure if he left because he wasn't attracted to her or because of the fact that she had been lying to him. I would be disappointed if I disappointed that my date had been lying to me, but I would still stay and talk to the person.

I would also have talked to my date and tried to find out more about her. I would have been interested in getting to know her as a person instead of just leaving without a word. I would have been upset to discover that she had lied, but I still think that it would be better to stay and talk to her. I agree with the last setence that you wrote, we shouldn't judge a book by its cover. If we do that we might miss out on a wonderful person.

Yes, I think that she could have been in denail of her size. Maybe she was skinny in the past and still had the same mental picture of herself. It is true that some people lie on dating sites in order to get a date. My ex-boyfriend did that as well, but I do understand him because he had a lot of negative experiences in the past and he was afraid that the same thing was going to happen again. Personally I prefer to be honest from the start and if someone rejects me because of my honesty they weren't the right person for me anyway. If I had been in that man's situation I would also have talked to her instead of standing her up.

That is a very good point. I think that you can say that she is insulting you if she assumes that you would judge her based on her weight. I have experienced that once. I was in touch with a man and when he sent me his picture I wasn't able to write back right away and I received another mail from him where he told me that he was very disappointed that I judged him because of his appearance. He assumed that I had rejected him because of his appearance and that wasn't the case at all, I just didn't manage to write back immediately. I was disappointed to discover that he had that kind of thoughts about me. I wouldn't judge him (or other people) based on their appearance.

I think that trust and respect are some of the keywords in this case. I think that man might have chosen to leave because of her lies and not just because he didn't feel attracted to her when he saw her. I do understand that she probably lied because she was afraid of rejection and maybe because she has bad experiences from the past, but I would still have told the truth from the beginning if I had been in her situation. I believe in honesty from the start. Of course you might scare away some people if you are honest, but I still think that it is better to be honest about your appearance etc. When you actually met the person you will not be able to hide the truth and the person might get really disappointed when they discover the lies.

That is one of the reasons why I wouldn't lie to my date about my appearance. When he discovers that I have lied (and he is bound to discover that when we meet in person) he will find it hard to trust me and he might think that I have lied about other things as well. I would not walk away like that man did. I would be upset to discover that the woman had lied to me, but I would still introduce myself and talk to her.

I would get hurt and disappointed if I discovered that my date had lied to me, but I would still stay and talk to the person and try to find out why they had described themselves the way that they had. The things that you mentioned about trust and respect are some of the things that I also thought about when I read the story and I wonder if the man walked away because he didn't like her appearance or if it had more to do with the fact that she lied. I think it is possible that he got so disappointed to discover that she hadn't been honest about her appearance and lost his trust in her and his respect for her and left because of those things and not because of her appearance as such.

I thought about the same thing when I read the story about his date. I think the woman was afraid of rejection probably because of bad experiences from the past. I am not quite sure if he stood her up because he didn't feel attracted to her and judged her on her appearance or if he left because he was angry about the fact that she had been lying about weight. Some people would focus more on the fact that she lied than the reason why she felt the need to lie. I find it hard to understand that he didn't even want to talk to her. He might have missed out on a very nice person that way. He never find out because he didn't even give her the chance to explain.

I think that you handled the situation much better than the man that I mentioned when I started the discussion. He simply left without a word and let the girl wait in vain. I think that it is better to let the person know that we aren't interested and that will also give the person a chance to move on. Personally I also think that a age gap where the person is twice as old as me would be too much. My husband is older than me, but it is not a very large age gap and it is has never been a problem in our relationship.

It must have been a real surprice to see her in person. I can imagine the situation where you open the door and find a person that you don't even recognize. I would have been surpriced in that situation, but would have I done the same thing as you and talked to her just like we had planned. After the initial surprice I don't think thay I would have thought must about her appearance, It would be much more important to me that we got along and that we both enjoyed the time that we spent together. I think that it would have been better to tell the woman that he wasn't interested or that he was looking for different type of person if that was the case. It hurts when people just leave without a word, and it would not be hard for her to guess that he saw her and rejected her without a word. I feel bad for the woman who had wasted her time and waited in vain, and I think that he should at least have talked to her instead of sneaking away.

Honesty is also important to me and I wouldn't lie about my appearance. If I had been in his situation I would have stayed and talked to my date anyway. I would not be happy that the person had lied to me and personally I would have chosen honesty from the start, but I would also understand that my date probably lied because the person was afraid of rejection for instance because of bad experiences in the past.

I wouldn't leave either, I would introduce myself and talk to her. Yes, I am sure that she would get hurt if her date just leaves without a word, and I wouldn't do that. On the other hand I would also find it hard to ignore her lies and pretend that I didn't notice a difference between her photo and her actual appearance. I would be curious to find out why she had chosen to lie about her appearance. She might have done it because of negative experiences from the past or maybe she truly believes that she is skinny.