Married life is very hard to live because...

Simple. It is time you should wake up and smell the coffee. I have been reading some of your posts on FB and elsewhere and everywhere possible I have been telling you that it is You who makes it this way or that way. You never cared to even look at any of those words. Still, the same here. Too many shoulds... and too many woulds... nothing is guarenteed and if you need to make your life happy, it is you who has to make that happen... nothing will happen in sharing your sad moments anywhere as long as you dont get up and act doing right. she should be physically and mentally ready to cope with this new life and the mom should be ready to welcome her with open arms and change her attitude thinking that she just has left her own home. Right? WRONG! Come out of this buddy... it was a myth in todays era. You cannot force anyone today.

Hi shibham, Good to see you after a long time. A DIL is always a daughter and MIL is always a mom. Just tell your wife not to worry much as you are there to listen to her stories and she can take guidance/help/suggestions/involvement from MIL for any of the decisions (that even include deciding the menu for the day/nite). Elderly people always want to show off their seniority and especially when it comes to daughter in law, they don't like to miss a chance. Also tell your mom, you yourself are not understanding your wife at times and you need her help... only some emotional dialouges (oh, one a week may be) is enough to bring the balance between the two. I have gone thru all these situations but i'm happy as of today my MIL is so proud to have me as a dil or i should say a good care taker of her son.

Hi! Experience is a hard teacher and you are getting the experience of married life. It was you who opted for it, now you should face the music (for life time). Your position between your wife and mother would be like - Tongue in between the two sets of teeth (upper row and lower row) and there would always be chance of bitten by either row of teeth.

Hello Shibham, How are you? You may aware that no notifications are coming to our mail from mylot and I seen this topic in top topics. I opened on reading the headline and surprised to see the starter is you (really I laughed loudly on reading the topic of course before reading the content). You have been away and I thought what happened to you after marriage. So the life is not so smooth the way you thought, is it? I think there is nothing to worry both of them (your mom and wife) will adjust with the new situation very soon. I understand if there is any problem you will be in trouble situation as both of them are dear to you. You just keep silent wherever it is necessary. No need to rush into decision and blame any one. I agree, both of them should ready to change their attitude and welcome the change in life. One should ready to compromise. This is life Shibham.

It's hard to adjust to a new family. Sometimes it goes smoothly, and other times it is awful. It just depends on the people, and how much they have in common and so on.

i read from other responders that yours is an arranged marriage, don't worry changes is constant and if your life had changed because of marriage and with in laws, soon it will be changed also and I hope for the better. You just need time to adjust and they need time to adjust too. Time is all you need and try to break barries between you and your in laws, cook something special for them, it always works on me.

Several changes will happened after marriage. Both should make change not only the new member of the family. I think if both have respect to each other, it will not hard to deal with your in-laws. This post also related to your discussion, please join the interest http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/2744134.aspx

One has one's own home, and one can make a home with one's spouse wherever the couple chooses. My boyfriend and I have not yet married, nor have we yet set a date. However, we already must deal with each other's mothers as though we were already married. I have helped my boyfriend deal with his mother's deteriorating health and need for a nursing home just as I would if I were already her daughter-in-law, and my boyfriend interacts with my mother the same way he would if we were married. We chose to build a life together. Our families have nothing to do with our choice of each other as partners, nor do they have any say in where we choose to live. We did that once--moving to be near his mother--and that was rectified by me within about a year's time, because I detested being in that state. Now, we have moved her to be near us; if we move again, she will likely stay where she is, because it is a good nursing home.

i think there are really ones who don't get along, but i also know some friends who do get along with their inlaws.. some would even bond like go on shopping and even a trip. With my own mother-in-law, i haven't bonded with her that way as they live far away but so far things are well with both of us, sometimes i do call her and ask her how she is and update her with the kids. there is no bias feelings or whatsoever, in fact i really like her, she is like a mother too and that is the same with my husband and my own mom, they both get along and my own husband treat her like his own mom too.

hi Shibham! Nice to see you here again buddy, from your discussion, i take it you are now happily married and yes i am really hoping you are happily married as marriage is a wonderful thing too... as for the daughter-in-law and your mom relationship.. i take it something is quite not going right. But it really takes a lot of adjustments..with your wife being with her and your mom adjusting to her too and i tell you it takes a whole lot of patience. i would often say i am quite lucky as my mom-in-law is quite far lol but really i would also try to extend my patience and understanding if we are living with her too there are also some who would really opt to live separately.. if that can be done, you can make you own home too my friend. i really hope you will sort this out. Yes married life will always be hard, it will never be a breeze or else it wouldn't be all worth it my friend.

Yeah married life can be hard. Especially when in laws and family are very close. It can be hard for a mother to let go of her son in the sense of letting him start his own life and not getting involved a lot. I tell my husband not to get his grandmother involved in our life issues because of course families are biased even if they may say they aren't. For example my mom is biased to me and his grandmother to him. So we have to deal with our issues on our own. Besides his grandmother loves to gossip and the whole family would know about anything we go through if he talks to her about it.

Sorry but I don't believe one word of it. How people are, behave has to do with yourself. Parents know children will grow up and start a life of themselves with or without a new partner. This is normal, it's nature. As a parent you do a lousy job if you want your children to stay with you till the rest of their (or your) lives. Even animals know that children should leave the nest and prepare them to take care of themselves. A good parent is happy if their child is able to manage, if the child is happy and finds what he/she needs (a partner or ..). If a man (in the case of your discussion) is not choosing for his wife, for a life of his own, not willing to take responsibilities and want to stay a mother's boy/child he should not get married! Sorry no respect for a man like that.

Sorry if I'm nosy here, but I thought yours was an arranged marriage so I assumed your mom would have known her daughter in law already and picked her as best for her son all around (including how well she would get along with her in laws...)

shib, nice to see you after a while.. Hope your marriage life is going fine. It is really hard to solve the MIL and DIL problems. They both will understand each other after some time and solve their issues, don't enter in their issues, it will give a lot of unwanted problems to you. Just let them to solve their issue by themselves.

Shibham! I know what you are talking about and just be careful ; you are treading on dangerous ground now because your mother is slightly old fashioned.'old' or 'modern' ,a mother-in-law can try and be a decent motherhinlaw but she cannot become a mother.Same is the case with the girl too .Will catch up later with more views.

My mother-in-law is gone sadly and I miss her dearly. She was a wonderful woman and I am proud to have known her. She and I had a wonderful relationship and shared everything. I could go to her with my problems and she knew when to be a mother towards me and when to act like a friend. She and I both went shopping together and spent a lot of time together. I wish she was here with me now because there is so much I want to tell her. My late mother-in-law never had any daughters of her own, but she was very happy the day Randy and I got engaged and was so happy to have a new daughter. She always introduced me as her daughter and treated me as such.

Husband's mother would always have an issue with her daughter in law no matter how good the relationship they have. And this is because both belong to different families that grew up with different ways. It is hard to be caught up in such situation sometimes, especially the husband who does not know whom to take side. But I think if both are just willing to listen and accept some changes, then everything will be fine.

hi shiby, Well they say Mother In law is a Woman Hitler no offense meant It is good if the daughter in law and mother in law are in good relationship Marriage is a life changing it can turn good or bad that's why it is better to a newly wed to built their own family alone instead of living with their parents no complication at both side at this kind of arrangement they can both have adjustment to each other. We cannot please everyone sometimes what we think is not really what we really think about a person. Some people thinks a daughter in law as their slave what I mean is she is responsible to take care of her husband family and forgetting that they should take care of their own family this is my own opinion. I thought if you choose to have an arranged marriage they will get the best for you happy mylotting

It's the same case as with husbands living with the wife's parents. The mom and the son-in-law might not get along well too. This is actually very common but do hope that eventually both of them would learn to like each other. And as you in the middle, it might be tough as there is no sides to take but just patience and understanding to both the important ladies in your life.

I hear it is hard to live it these days. But however, I am amazed at some people who has the key to a good married life. I think some people get married for all the wrong reasons and that is why their married life fails. They say a marriage should be built on a solid concrete foundation in order for it to last forever. All marriages have got their own problems, and if there is love nothing seems impossible to solve.