Stuck in our comfort zones

Don't force yourself if you feel you're not ready yet, no one else knows better than ourselves. Not because your boyfriend has done his things he should push you to do the same. If he really wants to help you, he should start by helping you getting a job first then teach you the things he had learned on how to be independent so somehow you will think about it and get inspired to do it.

Hello Aja ! Be happy you're having a responsible and independent boyfriend ! Don't get him wrong , he is just teaching you but just not in right timing ! Consider his suggestion it is for your own good and just tell him kindly that you are in that plan but just not now . No need to fight for him , he just wanted to assure you that it is okay to be independent by making himself as an example . I guess his intentions are good but maybe the way he delivers it not that sweet ! Just forgive him and see the beaitiful side he got.

While your boyfriend definitly does have a few good points, I can understand why you are currently hesitatnt to leave your parents home. You do not have a steady job right now and that will make it very difficult if you decide to go out on your own.I would suggest that you and your boyfriend and parents first discuss the situation in depth before you make any decisin.It is difficult, expensive and sometimes even dangerous in the bog old world.You need a good support network of family and friends :) ... oh, and as for being stuck in a comfort zone, for sure, thats ME :)

I had been told that before by my ex. At first I reacted the same way you did. But as time went on I began to realize his counsel for me regarding being independent, not by means of overthinking and overreflecting on his advise, but rather different circumstances in my life showed me he made sense. To be honest you gotta see his words in another perspective. Guys say it as it is and women are prone to take things too personally even when the guy didn't mean to. You seem to be approaching it too personally when he says that advise to you but if you take away that thinking that it's meant to hurt you, you will realize he is being realistic about it. He's not gloating, he is telling you the reality that the best way to start being independent is now. If you wait some more and wait till the time is right to be independent, you wil never get your chance to be independent. You have to start in small steps. It doesn't have to be sudden. Life doesn't happen that way. Don't wait until something gets you stuck in that family situation before you can get out.

I was once in your shoes. When I was still a college student and was having a problem with my family, my boyfriend that time "who is already my ex-boyfriend now" told me to leave our house and look for an apartment. He told me that he will answer my expenses so that I can learn how to be more responsible. Well, I don't know much household chores and he thinks that I can know more of it when there is no one I can depend on with my foods, clothes and others. I did not agree with his suggestion because I don't want to depend on him for my daily expenses. I don't have a work too that time and I wonder how will I survive. Of course, I cannot ask him to answer everything because he must also spend some money for himself. Well, if your boyfriend cannot understand what you said just let him.YOu are not yet ready and you cannot forced yourself to stay away from your family. It is not practical. Wait for the right time that you already have a job and you think that you can stand on your own feet.

After reading your discussion, I remember a quote from Robert Kiyosaki saying: If you want to be rich... don't allow yourself the luxury of excuses. I was stuck in my comfort zone 2 years ago. I keep complaining and making excuses and when it comes to excuses, I never ran out of that.. Just take a little step forward and you'll see how exciting it is outside your comfort zone! :)

It's hard to a woman to live separate from her parents specially in our country that woman will be cared off by both the parents and siblings. I didn't encourage my sisters to live independent because I don't want to put them in danger. You know, alot of opportunist nowadays, woman can be the easiest victim. But I don't like man still live their parents after 20 years old. I live separate from my parents at the age of 18, right after I finish my college course and got my first job 2 weeks after our graduation.

Oh, I'm an electric fence personality. If I step too far outside my comfort zone, I get a jolt of electricity, and I go right back into my comfort zone. Thing is, your boyfriend should be helping and supporting you, not pushing you. He shouldn't be making you feel bad about yourself. If it feels bad, something is wrong, and it's probably not you. You have to want to do it, and when you really do want to do it, you will do it.

If you don't have a job, how are you supposed to go out and live on your own? Where would the money come from for food, rent, utilities, etc.? I think that one of the best things that you could do to "step outside of your comfort zone," would be to dump your boyfriend. He isn't being loving and supportive. He is being pushy and rude. He is subtly undermining your faith in yourself. You do need to move beyond your parents' home. However, you also need to have enough resources in place that you can support yourself--not just go out, fail and end up back with your parents. That would be far worse than the situation in which you currently find yourself. Do what you need to do to build a solid foundation for yourself. Find a job. Continue your education. Join professional groups. Then, once you have a solid enough foundation, move outward and onward.

My situation is different. I have gone through all those uncertainties, having left home to fend for myself the difference being that I stayed with my sister until I got married not the best solution but I had little choice as she decided everything for us as my mother had great confidence in her. The only time I had put my foot down was when she showed displeasure when I got a job that made me financially better off than her. I had no alternative but to stick on there for a few more months till I got married but those few months were hell for me. That is history now and much water has flowed under the bridge since then. Your boy friend is not doing the right thing by making you feel that getting out would be the best for you. You know yourself better than anyone else. You could start the process of learning to take decisions right where you are now and then slowly move out.

Your situation, being single is very different from mine. But I do think that you should really not be in a hurry to be on your own if you think that you really are not ready for it. I mean, considering that you are jobless, how are you suppose to pay for the rent, right? Not unless your boyfriend wants you to move in together.....

and now to give you my personal reply... There is nothing wrong in staying with your parents as long as you are not a couch potato. Men if they are mature enough realize that it takes a woman longer before they are ready to move out of mom and dad's home. Women need a lot of support and love from their families and when they know they have that it builds their strength and self reliance over time. So what if you're still with them? I moved out and moved back in with my parents TWICE. I had to. Is that my comfort zone? Not really. My comfort zone was when I made the final leap and was living on my own and made my own decisions. Your boyfriend can't decide for you when you are ready. You will know. Don't let him push you that way. Simply be honest and tell him to back off, otherwise that he is being too domineering. What kind of relationship do you want? Any man who tries to push a person into something is trying to dominate the partner. Mind you, women can be guilty of this as well but normally it's more heard of from men.

Partly I think your bf might be right. I say partly because it all also depends on how you life while staying with your parents. YOu can take care of yourself, pay them for the room you use, take your responsibility for your own acts. It's not Always about being stucked in a comfort zones, both parts can help eachother out as well (my 22 year old daughter is living with me and is doing a part of the work/care that has to be done as well).

Your boyfriend may be feeling suffocated in his parent's house and just wanted to start his own life. This can be a good thing, but not always. You will have all the time to do this, to work and take care about your house. Now, when your parents can do this for you, you might focus on your studies and get how much you can from this time. I guess it depends also on your age.

I call it being disciplined but I see now that you could say I'm stuck in my comfort zone. The thing is, it's not very comfortable and I'm missing out on so much. I'm 60 years old now and I've never allowed myself to let my hair down and live life. I've never been well off and that was always the excuse I used to myself and it's true and I could not see my way around that but now I am comfortable financially and so I'm taking off on an overseas trip soon. Ask yourself what do you want out of life. I'm sure you don't want to be with your parents forever. Do you want to travel and have adventures? To you want to have lots of fun with friends? Do you want to settle down and have a family (not with your boyfriend, he sounds too controlling)? Figure it out sweety because we only get one go at life and it goes by all too quickly.

Aja you then will not like what I am saying as your boy friend has a point. If the mama bird did not push the young birds out of the nest they will die as they will not learn how to fly.Parents too need to start suggesting to their adult kids that its time to get a job or go to college but also get their own apartment. ONce they have the job often some parents will finance the first and last payment on the apartment so the kids have an incentive to moving out and on their own. Of course they will visit their parents often but now they are adults and are making a new exciting life for themselves. Really its an awesome feeling when you realize you can work and pay rent and build your own life and bank account too.You can have friends visit you and hang out together.you are an adult now. I worked and cared for myself until just four years ago then found I needed some help so am now in a retirement center.But I am 86 and we were homeless so thats why I am really here.Do think about moving out and getting your own place as surely you do not intend to live with your parents all your life??

His tactics seem to be counterintuitive. He wants to help but he just does not know how. I was and perhaps still am in a similar situation as your own. I however really did not want to move back in with my parents. After graduating from college I was unemployed for 4 months. I had some savings to fall back on and I was not entirely prepared to enter the real world. As I was applying for jobs I took the liberty of auditing a few classes I never got to take while at my school. I learned things and wrote a really cool chapter that may get published in a popular science book someday. Having no car made my job search very difficult. I mostly applied to places in Pasadena and at my school. I couldn't get a single interview until May however and lucked out that my mentor from an unpaid internship wanted to work with me again and could actually afford to pay me something for my time. Meanwhile, I went on one interview, which I did not get but which I did not lament because the hourly pay was so much below what I had hoped for. A real estate broker kept giving me the run around such that after 5 attempts at an interview I simply told him I did not want to come in. Nobody wants to work for a man who cannot even meet with someone for 15 minutes and doesn't have the courtesy of calling to say he won't be there. Again, I lucked out in June by running into an old friend at Caltech. I asked her how she was doing and what she was doing and she said that she was tutoring in Koreatown. Half jokingly I asked whether they were hiring and she said that they actually needed a math tutor for the summer. She forwarded my resume a week later and I got an interview right away. I got the job and am very grateful for everything. My boyfriend never pressured me and offered to drive me to interviews. My sister had called him and told him to force me into getting a job, but he respectfully refused to listen to him. Just tell your boyfriend how he can help.

I went out of this comfort zone. Comfort zone is boring. when I feel a little comfortable I try to find some place to have a little thrill in my life. Odd? maybe yes. I am tired of comfort zone.

I never had a girlfriend, so I don't know what to feel, but this is so bad to force your loved one to live on own. This is important that you must find some job, but this do not means you should leave your parents to live life of your own. You can live separately after your marriage, till then live with your parents with love.

well if you feel safe at your home with your parents then i dont see why not stay as long as your parents are ok with you living with them and it may also be wise to talk to them to see how they feel about it as well