Going Back to an Abusive Relationship

Well it could be her way of getting back at her husband. I mean maybe she feels cheated and what better way to get back than to go around with his best friend.

I wont go back to mine. Took me years to get out of it. Id never think to live that way again..

For years I have never been able to understand fully why my mum stays with my father who is a bully, a control freak and an abuser, it was only when I, myself went into counseling that I fully understood, my mum was abused by her own father and thus went on to find an abusive husband, I believe it's Freud's work on repetition, that is all my mum ever knew growing up, so expected it and saw it was her lot in life and thus met an equally abusive man to be her husband. I used to beg her to leave my father and I hated what he was doing to her, I was powerless, my therapist told me no one can make that decision for her, to leave him, only she can, I understand it more now, but it doesn't stop me feeling helpless and now she's 70 and deserves a little peace in her life, but she still chooses to stay with him. It's so so sad. So I can understand in a way why your friend Amanda goes back to Adam, it's what she knows and I suspect she has little self-esteem, right?

I left a very abusive marriage and I kind of get the initial going back and forth when one first leaves such a relationship. I do not get someone returning to the same one long after they escaped it. I do know that in many cases of abuse, there are unresolved issues and that longing to make it right. It's pretty complicated. The person leaving isn't leaving because they don't love the abusive partner. They DO love him and have reached a point where leaving is the only option. There is never a strong closure on these kinds of relationships. The problem is that the abuser is not always abusive. He has a side that is very loving and he may really sincerely care but he has anger issues. There is not always closure on these kinds of things. It is very complex and all situations are different.you would have to research it but it is not uncommon for a victim to return to her abuser.

that seriously hurts and no matter what it has no benefits so you need to revert back

They get used to being with them, even though they are not treating them right. Or the guy promises he has changed and he loves her. They promise things will be different this time if she comes back... They say all sorts of things to get the person back. Most of the time it is all lies. Your friend Amanda probably has no self worth. She probably thinks she cannot do any better which is sad. No one deserves to be treated badly like that. And no offense but she is not good with picking men apparently...

I would never go back to such a relationship myself. I have never had one though and I am glad i didn't. In case there was such i think I would have not gone back to such a relationship especially if i had gotten out of it already. the moment one tries to hurt me, i would have not blinked and leave him right away. I remember back in school we had a talk about this and it was said in there that most women who stay in an abusive relationship are the women who are very dependent on me. They are the ones who do not think they can live on their own and they had to be in a relationship no matter what the man is doing to them.

The answer, lack of self respect and self worth. somehow she thinks Adam is the only man she will be able to get. Wrong! The sad part we all know he is going to hit her again. I wish there was something that could be done but she is an grown woman.

Some people have such low self esteem that they don't know how to function on their own. In her eyes, an abusive relationship is better than no relationship.

This is also a question in my mind, friend. I don't understand why she'll be back into that abusive relationship? I think twice about the matter why in the world that women who are always physically abuse still looking for the positive thing?

there are lots of reasons why a certain person kept on hanging with someone even they were physically battered or whatsoever. i guess, one of it is they need companion and confidante. and the other reason is maybe they have still a feeling for that person that even they were hurt by any means, they kept on clinging on still. well, it is not easy to get rid of that person if you still have a feeling for them. you will be denying and just like cheating yourself. but then, all of it will be depending upon by the concerning person if she/he will continue seeing that guy. we do not understand and it is really hard to understand why such thing happened like that because we are not in their shoes and that every one of us is a diverse person or has a diverse personality. we can predict and sometimes we are right but sometimes we cannot convince them or force them to stop because they are the bearer of their own. what we can do is just ask and make a sigh. better for that person to be prayed to get some enlightenment and would stop seeing the wrong person and whatsoever :)

sometimes the abused always get back to the abusers... I have read several articles about that... there is something in there... like the mistress, they will always end up being a mistress... something like that.

hello , I really don't think it's worth going back to the same abusive guy who did not treat you properly.The person who has respect for women wouldn't abuse her in the first place.its not a mistake of Amanda if you keep yourself in her shoes because,She might have thought that at least she knows him a bit and she can trust him for somethings.You wouldn't know or guarantee that the new guy in life would be good or more worse than the previous one. But still,she has to take her chances,And there is no point in going back to the same guy who doesn't have a respect for her. i pray she would be fine and happy with Adam. Best regards Raj

I will never get back to the person that hurts me a lot. I'd rather be alone than being with someone who hurt. But, as your friend Amanda we can't easily judge her by going back to Adam maybe she just found that Adam is not the same as the old times or she is just having a company with Adam because she just separated with Shane. Though they are hanging out but it doesn't mean that their relationship to one another last time will coming. Maybe she just want to have a company to ease her feeling. We don't really know whats inside of her mind.

I think even women in those relationships cannot explain it either. I guess it's something about those guys' ability to entice those types of women. Maybe they know how to push the right buttons and knowing that someone could be vulnerable to something may give them the best advantage. It's sad that someone does this (there's a lot of women I know who do) but we can't really do anything about it. It's their lives and their business. Have a great mylot experience ahead!

It is definitely something hard to understand. I was in a physically abusive relationship once; I'll never go there again. Interestingly, he seemed to think I would get back with him eventually...most of his old girlfriends would forgive and forget. No way! It happens though. I've seen so many women go back to abusers. I think some of the women who stay with abusers, or go back to abusers (when there ARE other options and choices) are used to a life of abuse. It's almost as if it is all they know, and deep down they don't feel they deserve anything better. One might refer to it as a 'known', and a known is more comfortable than an unknown. I think your friend needs to seek counseling before it's too late.

Amanda never grew up. She will Always need the feeling to be needed and so she will Always believe the guy who will say "I really do love you". I think she does need this kind of relationship also will only have this kind of relationships till she is ready to: love herself, pamper herself, say NO and be alone. Being alone is not scaring at all, only strong people with a lot of self esteem can. Alson being alone is not the same as feeling lonesome. She will Always find excuses why people scold at her or say she is no good, unless she is really willing to change.

That is also one thing that I cannot understand. I have a friend who just can't seem to stay away from her husband who hurts her. Many times she went away to live away from him and always start on getting separated from him. But time and time again, she will always come back to him and she would always take him back again.

people tend to go back to their 'exes' even when they were abusive (as at the time of the relationship) for so many reasons. The guy could be exceptionally good but just have that bad side of him; being abusive verbally or there must be something the girl does that gets him upset thereby being abusive. Other times you find out that you are just so fond of him that you can't reject a comeback.