Who do you love more, your kids or your husband?
By cherigucchi
@cherigucchi (14876)
Philippines
March 16, 2013 10:30am CST
This is a strange question I know. But have you ever thought of this at least once in your lifetime? I guess your answer depends on what kind of marriage you have.
I remember a time when I told my husband that I love him more than my kids however it does not mean that I love my kids less. Why not? They are my kids and I love them so much!
I told him such because I know that one day my kids would grow and would start building their own family soon. Whether we like it or not, we are going to be left alone at some point of our lives. I told him that since it would inevitably happen, I want to make sure that we are not going to forget each other in the middle of our responsibility in raising our kids, that we should always take time with each other, nurture our relationship so when we get older, we would still be having much love to share.
I do not like us to be lost in the middle of the pressures of raising a family. That happens in any marriage that the couple forgets each other and at the end of the day, they would soon realized that had fallen out of love and just stick together because they had to. I do not like that to happen to us. We have to take care of each other from the day we got married up to the last air we breath here on earth. Sounds like...a hopeless romantic??
1 person likes this
19 responses
@Ixodoi (445)
• Israel
17 Mar 13
My kids come first. And The fact that my husband put our kids first is also part of why I love him. How do I know that I love my kids more? - I will leave my husband if this will be better for our kids, no mater how painful it will be for me, but I'm not certain I'll be able to do the reverse things (leave my kids for my husband).
I always hear in the news about women that let their husband abuse their kids, since they "couldn't stand loosing him". I failed to understand that. If someone will hurt my kids - I'll kill him, or at least give him to the police and make sure he will always be away from my kids. And the things is my husband agree with my completely.
Don't get me wrong, I'm deeply in-live with my husband. However, we chose to be together. God chose me to be with my kids.
@cherigucchi (14876)
• Philippines
18 Mar 13
If that's the case, of course I will do the same thing. Our love for our partner is somewhat conditional no matter how much we deny it. When a situation like that calls for it like seeing your partner hurting your children, that's another story. I would definitely kick him out of our lives! Hahaha
@extremefun4fun (2908)
• India
17 Mar 13
It is good to know, that love for our kid is something else from the love we have for our spouse. for me, it is depends on my husband behave, but right now I love my kid but I do not love my husbnad because of many wrong behave of him. so I live with him only because of my kid, otherwise, I would never like to spend a second with him. but , if somebody has a good husband, then I think it is good, to love him, as a husband and also love our kid as a kid, becuase finally our kid will go for their destiny and own life, but husband will be there in the time we grow old. so good husband has valued of love.
@cherigucchi (14876)
• Philippines
18 Mar 13
That is exactly the point of this discussion. We can take this as a reflection. Not many of us are so open minded taking time to evaluate it. And just like i kept on saying, we can only validate the answer through the present situation we are in.
@pahak627 (4558)
• Philippines
17 Mar 13
I have a different view on this. Of course, I love my children more than my husband. You know what? If one loses her husband or his wife, that can be replaced if one wants to but if your child is lost, that child could not be replaced. We know for a fact that our husband is not related to us by blood whereas our children came from us. They are the fruits of the so-called love between married couples. We sacrifice everything just for them. They were in our wombs for 9 long months and several years of caring while they were still growing up.
@cherigucchi (14876)
• Philippines
18 Mar 13
You are giving another side of the coin here. You are right when you said that our partner is not in any way related to us by blood but he is bloodly related to our kids. If you know exactly what i mean. Nevertheless, whatever it is that makes us love both does not matter anyway because all the feel are basically the reflection of what we actually feel inside.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
16 Mar 13
I agree with someone else here. I don't think my love for either is stronger, I just think it is a different love. I love them all equally but I love them all differently. They all have different personalities so my love for each of them is different. I could NEVER choose between my husband and children. I love them all so much.
@cherigucchi (14876)
• Philippines
17 Mar 13
And it is really such a tough question to answer. I agree that both love can never be compared because they are far different from each other. We should never choose in the first place. Being a mother is different from being a wife.
@crazzydolphin (3636)
• United States
16 Mar 13
my husbnd and i always say "i love you more than anything" but when we say that we know what we mean and that is this "i love you more than anything except for my kids". my kids are my life they are my whole world and i would do anything to protect them. i love my kids more than my husband and he loves our kids more than me. we both know this and are ok wit it becaue our kids come FIRST before anyone that includes each other. that doesnt mean we do no show our love that doesnt mean that we dont find time for our selves or for each other we just have to fnd new and creative ways to do so wth out kids. we love to go camping and that is family time but still we find some alone time also when they go to bed. i agree with you about having to keep the love between your husband and you. yes you really have to wory about yourselves to but to me we do that and we still put our kids first. yes they are going to leave someday but that doesnt mean you will love them any less and that doesnt mean they are out o your life. it just means they grew up. there are ways to do both. but i will always love my kids more than my husband and nothing will ever change that.
@cherigucchi (14876)
• Philippines
18 Mar 13
You had explained yourself well on this. No one can judge us by how much we love those people in our lives because none of us can feel exactly the same way.
@bluebutterfly20 (462)
• United States
16 Mar 13
Well..I dont have a baby yet so that means I love my hubby ahaha. We'll see soon if what will I feel whenever a baby comes and I will be happy to let you know hehe.
@cherigucchi (14876)
• Philippines
18 Mar 13
Im going to look forward to that. You have no option here, my dear. But of course, remember that its a different kind of love we feel for both.
@MoonGypsy (4606)
• United States
16 Mar 13
i have never looked at it the way you put it before. i guess that is an interesting point of view. on the other hand, you man could leave you. your kids will still always be your kids.
@cherigucchi (14876)
• Philippines
17 Mar 13
That is exactly my point, I just want him to realize that idea. It is indeed one way of keeping the marriage tight and secure
@choybel (5042)
• Philippines
16 Mar 13
I guess that is sort of an unfair question, one that I might not even dare think of asking myself or anyone else. I wouldn't want to have to weigh my love for anybody, especially when it comes to people who are dearly close to me, although I understand that sometimes there is such a thing as hierarchy in almost everything. However, I do like the way you put it, making sure that your love for your husbands remains despite all hardship in raising a family. That is truly a nice way to show your love for your husband.
@cherigucchi (14876)
• Philippines
17 Mar 13
The question becomes unfair when you are caught in an answer you really cannot give right away because no one has dared to question our love for both. But for the expense of sharing thoughts and wishful thinking, this type of question also gives us a chance to reflect on how do we really care but not to point of loving the other more and loving the other less. It is just some kind of...a penny for your thoughts thing.
@katsmeow1213 (28716)
• United States
18 Mar 13
I did think about this once. I saw a movie where a family had been kidnapped. The mother and son had a chance to escape, but the kidnapper held the dad at gunpoint in front of where the mother was driving to her escape. Because of this she stopped, and she and her child remained in danger to save her husband's life.
If it were me and I had to choose between my husband's life or my children's safety.. I would choose my children's safety as I hope my husband would make the same choice.
@marguicha (223720)
• Chile
16 Mar 13
I would say that they are different kinds of love. I even love my two daughters in a different way, because they have very different personalities. When a marriage has things to share besides raising the children, I`d say it`s a good marriage. I had such a marriage and lasted 40 years.
@cherigucchi (14876)
• Philippines
17 Mar 13
WOW! That is really such a good inspiration. How I wish that our marriage would last longer than that!
@dorannmwin (36392)
• United States
18 Mar 13
I have to say that for me the answer to this question is that I love my kids more than I love my husband. The reason that I say this is that I give the vast majority of my time and energy fulfilling the needs of my children, which does mean that I don't really have a lot of time and energy to give to my husband.
Now I'm not saying that I don't love my husband because I do love him with all of my heart but there aren't as many things that I need to do for him as there are things that I need to do for my children.
@Chelsea70 (29)
• United States
16 Mar 13
I don't really understand choosing who you love "more." Of course we have to prepare for our children leaving home, but that has nothing to do with how much you love them. Does it?
My husband is my best friend. Our staying together does not depend on how much we love our children. But my children will never be less than loved unconditionally no matter how old they get.
@cherigucchi (14876)
• Philippines
17 Mar 13
There is no appropriate term I could use for the word "love" It is just that I want to keep that thing burning concerning my lifetime relationship with my husband. I have seen so many marriages fail because the couple had been very busy doing other things and lost touch with the romantic side. later on, they soon found out that its okay to live without each other which of course none of us (if we are in true loving relationship) would like to happen.
@ayeeesha (1127)
• Philippines
16 Mar 13
I love my husband and my daughter both. They are my life now and everything I do is for them. I don't really have to choose on who I love more because the love I feel for them, although equal, is different (but in a good way).
And I have to agree with everything you said :)
@cherigucchi (14876)
• Philippines
17 Mar 13
Thanks ayeeesha!
It is quite hard to answer but of course if you have trouble with your man you would not love him at all especially when the kids are concerned. Being a mother is totally different.
@cherigucchi (14876)
• Philippines
17 Mar 13
Thanks for this comment loyhardy. At least you got my point.
@danix1982 (593)
• Philippines
18 Mar 13
this is not an easy question but have to think this sometimes, yes now i love more my kids unlike before i love my husband. when my kids are into our life i learned to love them more than my husband.
@Nandita2013 (132)
• India
18 Mar 13
This is really a very intersting discussion I am married for 5 years and i have a three year old kid but if you ask me whom i love the most i would really be confused. I love my husband and i love my daughter too.. MY daughter is a part of me and a symbol of our love..I am incomplete without both of them..
