I don&#39;t want to know!

• United States

30 Mar 13

If he has to spend a dime on food to get us through till I get paid again he goes nuts and says I'm not doing my job. I spend over $500 a month on food for this house. Still it doesn't last till the very end. When I make soups to make meals stretch he sticks his nose at them. That's his problem. I just stay in my room to avoid any possible fallout.

2 people like this

TheRealDawn

@dawnald (85146)

• Shingle Springs, California

30 Mar 13

sounds like a big baby

Kathy1981

@Kathy1981 (157)

• United States

30 Mar 13

Sounds like your daughter and you would be better off living on your own. Hoipe it all works out for you. I spend about $150 each week for a family of five. But my kids and boyfriend will eat anything.

mean husband

Cutie18f

@Cutie18f (9546)

• Philippines

29 Mar 13

I think your daughter's husband is insensitive. Obviously he does not like you. He's mean, I can see that and it's not good to be around someone who is like that. It is better to avoid him when he's around. As to your hunger, you can probably have a bite and that's it, just to save you from hunger. I do hope things will improve.

2 people like this

• United States

30 Mar 13

I think he tolerates me more than anything. He can't keep his wife at home unless I'm here. If I'm off living on my own she will leave him. I think he resents that. It's because he is always trying to pick a fight with her.

1 person likes this

HULYO

@julyteen (13252)

• Davao, Philippines

30 Mar 13

OMG! it's a simple things and they make it more complicated. Small problems can be solve in a couple of seconds if both willing to settle it. Even I am poor, I never fight my wife with regards to money

1 person likes this

fight

HULYO

@julyteen (13252)

• Davao, Philippines

1 Apr 13

I am not a person who persuade to anybody because of problems. If the problem can be solve through conversation, I will do it right away and I won't let the day passed we are keep silent.

• United States

31 Mar 13

She is lucky to have you not tell at her and stuff.

Jenny1015

@jenny1015 (13366)

• Philippines

30 Mar 13

I'd probably feel the same as you are feeling right now. The lesser I know about their arguments, it would make feel better. But then again, the problem persists...so the best way really is for your daughter to be able to help with the finances in the house. Hope you ate feeling better now.

1 person likes this

Jenny1015

@jenny1015 (13366)

• Philippines

1 Apr 13

I see.....well, if your daughter has some mental illness, as you have mentioned, then her husband could of no help with her condition. I mean, he could be crazy and your daughter has to keep up with him.

• United States

31 Mar 13

My daughter can't work. He wouldn't let her work if she could, anyway. Strange dynamic there. My daughter has a few mental illnesses and is on medications that keep her halfway sedated all the time. I do most of the cooking. She cooks Mexican dishes but that's about it. When I don't cook they eat those prepared foods. He likes his canned kiddy food. I don't eat that crap because I don't want to clog my arteries and I'm also losing weight. I have to tell him sometimes how he makes us feel.

RitterSport

@RitterSport (2451)

• Lippstadt, Germany

6 Apr 13

hi dear PQ I am glad you have your own room so you can sort of keep out of the line of fire. Its sure good that your daughter has a therapist and she can trust her obviously so she can share about the bad patches of her marriage. I would stay out of the line of fire too if I were in your shoes. things wont change as S uses you as a maid and wont honor you as his mom in law or he would not turn his nose up on your cooking.

1 person likes this

• United States

8 Apr 13

Corned beef does go well with cabbage. It's cured in a brine when you buy it. It's great.

• United States

6 Apr 13

Hi RitterSport, You know what? I made a crockpot full of corned beef and cabbage with onions, carrots and potatoes. I did not offer him any. I let K fix him hamburgers or ravioli, but I didn't worry whether Ge are any ir not. I are almost all of it this week.

RitterSport

@RitterSport (2451)

• Lippstadt, Germany

6 Apr 13

hi dear PQ thats wonderful I would like to taste your crockpot dish for sure it sounds so yummy. I love beef and I love cabbage and I bet they go great together.

1 person likes this

MarksvilleandMe

@Pegasus72 (1898)

•

8 Apr 13

Sometimes mixed living situations don't work out and there needs to be rules. If it is your house you need to sit down and lay some out.

1 person likes this

• United States

8 Apr 13

We have been roommates for about 8 years now. We mostly get along pretty well, but SIL has a huge stress level. He's trying hard too keep his temper down. He gets stressed a lot over my daughter's illness and get medical bills.

MarksvilleandMe

@Pegasus72 (1898)

•

8 Apr 13

Money issues are always hard on any relationship. I hope things get better for everyone around.

winterose

@winterose (39887)

• Canada

30 Mar 13

I have told you many times that best is not to be living with them but you say you can't afford it. So yes just try to tune out. You have already had the talk with him that you give all you can to the house and he knows that. If he wants to be a jack&&s it is not your fault. Try to focus on other things but don't starve yourself either, he eats the food you buy most of the time, so what if the big baby didn't get the food he wanted you did the best with the money you had. This is me in my therapist hat talking again.

1 person likes this

winterose

@winterose (39887)

• Canada

2 Apr 13

yep that is the way to do it

Amber

@AmbiePam (93738)

• United States

3 Apr 13

My thoughts? Someone needs to give them a kick in the pants and send them to marriage counseling. And then maybe they can treat each other as well as you, right.

1 person likes this

• United States

6 Apr 13

I agree with you. There are times when I think they need it.

BarBaraPrz

@BarBaraPrz (47615)

• St. Catharines, Ontario

29 Mar 13

Well, you know all us free-thinking females here will say he needs to grow up, at least have a technical adjustment upside the head, for being like that. I bet that soup you made was delicious, and probably enough for two days, especially as you just eat a thimbleful at a time.

1 person likes this

BarBaraPrz

@BarBaraPrz (47615)

• St. Catharines, Ontario

30 Mar 13

He just doesn't know what's good for him.

• United States

30 Mar 13

My daughter loves my soups. They last about 4 or more days with me and K. I eat 4 ounces at a time. Every couple if hours I would eat some if I wanted some. He just sticks his nose up. The first time really hurt my feelings after making a nice stew. He'd rather have her open a can of beef stew all greasy from the can instead of eating what I cooked. I made up my mind I was cooking to suit me and he can eat his canned crap for all I care.

1 person likes this

laydee

@laydee (12798)

• Philippines

30 Mar 13

I don't see anything there that is your fault. I think he's just trying to be macho and stuff, I'd probably just work harder to earn more and then cook food for my daughter and me and I wouldn't give $h!t to what he's going to say. I think these types of men are just there for egos. If he can't pay the light bill then it's his problem. How's that yours? These sorts of talks gives me more motivation to earn. Have a great mylot experience ahead!

1 person likes this

laydee

@laydee (12798)

• Philippines

31 Mar 13

Who bought the car? If it's yours, then he has no right to be controlling you. If it's not, then I guess you're under his control then. Further, your daughter is a pushover and she's allowing her husband to push all of you around. That is sad.

• United States

30 Mar 13

He is a control freak. He doesn't even allow me to drive one of the cars unless my daughter needs to go somewhere. I get paid on Wednesday and they will be gone to a couple of doctor appointments. I have to sit home and wait on them instead of using the other car to get a few things I need. Stupid and controlling!

1 person likes this

Artemeis

@artemeis (4194)

• China

31 Mar 13

It is very obvious that your SIL is the one that needs therapy and lots of it considering what he is undoing. I cannot respect such a man who does not have a single heart or respect for elders and a nice person like yourself. Isn't he aware that food prices have gone up and that he should at least chip in for the family? No wonder you are so stressed up and having these panic attacks. I am sorry to hear what your daughter, granddaughter and you are going through but I cannot help asking you to start making plans for yourself. I find such frustrating experiences too stressful for you and it seems to be affecting your well being now. Please start for your health and sanity sake.

1 person likes this

@celticeagle (168126)

• Boise, Idaho

30 Mar 13

I am sorry to hear that you have to go through this. I am certainly glad I am not in a relationship with any man. Not worth it to me anymore. I feel badly for your daughter. I would hate to live under those conditions. She has to make her own decisions but I certainly agree with you that she needs to get her GED and all. I bet she would feel a lot better and stronger to combat his negativity and abusive behavior. Sounds like he needs some counseling himself but I know how their ego gets in the way of any real help. My ex had a colossal ego and we would have all kinds of fights. He was disrespectful of my feeling and did not always consider me in things he did. And he wouldn't let me be me. I wanted to show him my love in my own way and he wouldn't have it. And his way of discussing things were loud and unruly. Some men can definitely be a situation to put with.

1 person likes this

combat

ged

my own way

celticeagle

@celticeagle (168126)

• Boise, Idaho

30 Mar 13

I am describing him to a tee because I have lived with someone just like him. Neither of you should have to put up with his verbal abuse. And letting him do it is giving him power. That needs to be taken away. I hope that your daughter gains the strength at some point to get away from him. His abuse is doing no one any good. I'm sorry. I can't be nice about such things. I had a rifle pointed at me at one point and it was fired. Luckily it jammed.

• United States

30 Mar 13

You are describing my son in law to a Tee. He is loud. He belittles us and treats me like a child. I get stressed out and then I can't talk. Just 'da da da de de de' stuff comes out of my mouth. There are no words in my head and he just goes on to call me Baby Hughey. I can't help it when I can't talk. I stay to myself as much as possible. My daughter has her counselor that she talks to. She said she was sorry to stress me out and to forget what she told me. She said she would save it for Amy.

1 person likes this

courtknee525

@courtknee525 (3742)

• United States

30 Mar 13

I really hope you've been eating. It doesn't seem right that he does this to the both of you because it puts you and your daughter in a tough position. His bad attitude towards your daughter could make you feel bad and make you feel guilty because he blames you for things that aren't your fault. And it puts your daughter in a difficult position too because she's caught in the middle between you and her husband. He shouldn't be so picky about the food. I think someone should teach him about the saying "Beggars can't be choosers" and in a situation like that he needs to suck it up and eat whatever you guys have rather than acting so childish. I'm glad you have a safe place you can go to to get your mind off everything. I hope everything gets better for you and your daughter

1 person likes this

• United States

31 Mar 13

Things are better now. It blew over till the next time. It happens about once a month on the food and he picks at K at least twice a week. She has gotten tougher with him. She said she will take the spare bedroom if he continues to treat her that way.

Laurenlynn

@Laurenlynn (715)

• Canada

30 Mar 13

I feel so bad for you and your daughter that SIL is no good to treat you like that! It honestly makes me feel sick when I hear anyone mistreating a mother in law. It sounds to me this would also make your daughter feel upset as she is close to you, and she enjoys and appreciates your good cooking. It sounds to me like your SIN is a spoiled brat, I would like to know how he treats his own mother? I hope in time things get better for you and your daughter. If you were my mother and my husband treated you like that he would be gone!

1 person likes this

know

want

• United States

31 Mar 13

She told him just how she felt too. She said she doesn't even want to sleep in the same bed with him after he has talked to her so bad.

Brian

@wolfie34 (26771)

• United Kingdom

30 Mar 13

Er, why is he pointing the finger at you? Is he a child? Is he incapable of making his own decisions? NO, he's a man, and thus should be taking responsibility and not looking to blame anyone else, if he is looking for someone to blame, maybe he should look in the mirror!

1 person likes this

passing the blame

cutepenguin

@cutepenguin (6431)

• Canada

30 Mar 13

He must be hard to live with. Some people aren't satisfied unless they're pushing someone else down. It's awful. However, I don't see how the light bill is your fault. Everyone has to contribute to the household. It sounds like everyone is stressed right now - not having enough money can make people react badly. Maybe he will be easier to live with once he has less stress on him. One can hope for that at least.

1 person likes this

• United States

30 Mar 13

The light bill isn't my fault but he says I cost him money when he has to spend money on food. He has made me pay him back for food he bought. I've never made him pay me back when I've paid the TV or Internet bill. TV is gone now cuz he didn't pay that bill.

goldenteardrops

@goldenteardrops (747)

• United States

30 Mar 13

sounds like he is not mature..why not just you buy your own food and let them have their own and see how he likes that.?? I think also as a thought maybe go to church talk with the pastor in private talk out the situation..sometimes when someone visits and sees a differance they act differant..perhaps also he may not be happy with himself..he needs a sample model to see how to treat people ..sometimes they want control and could be jealous as a treat of ordering..wonder what his folks think about this? Not everyone is in the health food things..I know I want to be but things are too high for me..so I have to go to the lower level of some junk food..which also are high to in some ways..bananas are 69 cents pound..I am on a set income and cannot afford it or apples... sometimes in a nice way think of something that maybe they like and you ..and maybe work on a menu together..seems like that maybe the problem mainly ... I hope things work out over time thay may..argueing gets no response and goes no where but sometimes an outsider can bring more to attention as one friend who visits and knows and sees how others are treated and show good examples as careing...

goldenteardrops

@goldenteardrops (747)

• United States

30 Mar 13

be careful to watch for abuse..if this ever happens please tell someone ..

1 person likes this

• United States

31 Mar 13

He's just verbally abusive, and he only does it when he gets frustrated or gets in a bad mood. He is a good man but I think he has a little anger problem.

• United States

31 Mar 13

I have them take a cart and I take a cart so they do but what they want. I pay for it. He pays the utilities and most of the rent. I do part of the rent and all the food.

Jennifer

@LovingMyBabies (85288)

• Valdosta, Georgia

30 Mar 13

Sorry but he sounds really mean! I don't like him just from what you have told all of us here. =( I wish you could go somewhere else, I know that is not possible but I wish it for you. He sounds like such a mean person to blame you like that for the light bill not getting paid. I'm sorry PQ!

1 person likes this

• United States

31 Mar 13

He acts like this every so often. I k ow he loves me but he just acts like an azz sometimes. He is acting better now.

doroffee

@doroffee (4222)

• Hungary

30 Mar 13

Oh, I know, it's really hard if you live with this couple, and the guy is blaming you for something like this... even if you used your own money for that soup... and he's saying that it's your guilt that he can't pay for the bills? Maybe then they sould manage the money better? I'm pretty sure they could buy cheaper and simpler stuff than frozen pizzas. I just hope it's going to be sorted out, and you could be calmer.

1 person likes this

• United States

30 Mar 13

It will get sorted our once I get paid and the house is stocked with food again. I don't pick out junk. I make good food. I make lots of crockpot meals. He just sticks his nose at it. He would rather eat his canned crap and complain about what I cook. I already told him that I'm going to cook food I like and if he wants to eat frozen pizzas and canned junk go ahead but I'm cooking for food to last.

dagami

@dagami (1158)

• Rome, Italy

30 Mar 13

it's good that you leave them alone with their bickerings. let them settle their differences amongst themselves. staying in your room seems the best solution to me. if you're there with them you will get drawn into their fights and he'll think of you as the typical meddling mom in law. i find your son in law a bit selfish, if i may say so. i grew up in a different culture where food is always shared in the family. when one member goes out to the supermarket, it is expected that he buys food for all of those in the household. he must have known that you don't eat the kinds of food so why didn't he buy something for you? is his responsiblity limited to paying the light bill? why would he say that he can't pay the bills because he got food? doesn't he consume food and electricity as well?

1 person likes this