Trying To Limit My Expectations...

Yes, one should be self-sufficient, satisfied in oneself. This is the word used by Paul, who taught that a person should be content in all circumstances. And know how to be abased - humbled in lowly circumstances. Together in these two phrases that encompass all the things in the course of human life. Paul learned the secret of experiencing Christ in everything and in every place ( Philippians 4:12 ).

I hear you, LovingMyBabies. I am much like you. I do have expectations when it comes to the people around me -- and they like to tell me about it all the time. I have been told that my daughters excel in their educations "because it's expected" of them. I have been told that I have a tendency to idealize relationships and that, because I am a "feeling" type of person, that I expect others to be the same way -- and that they are not always "capable." I admit I'm perplexed that people are incapable of expressing their feelings... but I make myself remember that it's true for some. It's like being in a relationship and wanting more romance or caring or simply loving gestures, you know? It's like you just expect the other person to know you want those things because you, yourself, feel them and feel that it's an important part of the relationship. I've been told that people cannot read my mind and therefore cannot "live up to my expectations." My problem, I guess, is that I don't feel my expectations are unrealistic. I have equal expectations of myself. I don't pressure my girls at all when it comes to school. Their successes are their own, you know? I'm proud of them, absolutely, but I've never once said "I expect you to be an honor student" or "I expect nothing less than A's" or whatever. In my personal relationships, I admit that I keep my expectations to myself... and I wait. I wait to hear the "I love you's" or the "I was thinking about you's" and that kind of thing. I admit that, if they don't happen, I feel disappointment. I find myself thinking, "How can you not know that I want to feel special or important or valued??" But the more I hear from other people and take in their thoughts and opinions, the more I feel that I expect too much. Like you, I've tried to adjust my expectations and views... but there is still a huge part of me that believes I shouldn't have to. It's a struggle, yes, when one tries to assess "am I really expecting too much??" There's a Ben Franklin quote that says, "Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed." But then there's also a JFK quote that says, "Once you say you're going to settle for second, that's what happens to you in life." I think I'm hoping to find a place that is somewhere between the two.

Sounds like one of my favorite Winnie the Pooh quotes. It was something like, "no expectations equals no disappointments." It's been a while since I've listened to Winnie the pooh so the quote may not be exact but it was something like that...the meaning was the same.

I have found in my life that most of the time people disappoint me. I guess I am a little like you and just expect people to be good, decent, honest people. In reality not many people are like that. I too need to work on bringing down my expectations a little (ok a lot). I have managed to do this to some extent with a few people in my life. I have found that expecting less from theses people helps to not get so disappointed in them when they do not do what I would expect from them. Then I am just pleasantly surprised when something good comes from them.

If you expect nothing and accept everything then you will not be disappointed. Especially words from yours truly. lol

That is really very very true! Though we do not like to expect so much, we always find ourselves having them most of the time. I think expectation is somewhat synonymous with the word hope...and you know that hope is a positive word. There is this saying that reminds us...expect for the worst but hope for the best!

I agree, I start to change my expectations when i was a college when i experienced the pain, disappointment and depressed of the failed expectations of mine, since then i start to change and control my self about expectations, now i only consider things that is present, i don't usually think of the future, because the fact that i don't have idea on what is coming. Though i have planned and stick to my plan, still the outcome is not what i expect there always a change of course.

Exactly! Too much expectation causes disappointment and even depression. I always try to lessen my expectation to avoid getting hurt. I know it's not easy- and we cannot avoid expecting things, but we must try to withhold our feelings.

[i]Been there, Done that, Bought the T-shirt. I'm the same way. That's why I've considered myself to be a pessimist. I think it's easier to expect less from people. So that when they do follow through, it becomes more of a pleasant surprise. Good luck!

We are often hurt bad if we have such high expectations on a person. It may be impossible not to expect, but we must learn to realize, too that there are always two possible things that can happen- either the good or the bad.

Although I have always been the person that will stop at nothing until I got it. Basically will not take no for an answer, I have to say I never expected much out of life or people for that matter. I know not everyone would like me and I accepted that many years ago. I especially accepted that from girls back in the day. I knew I was nothing special and I didn't stand a chance. So I just dealt with that. As for life, well all I ever wanted was to be as comfortable as possible, enjoy my family and friends and that would be fine with me. Yes I do love my electronic things, I always have. But I feel okay with how my life turned out. What else can I do but accept how things are now anyway. Look, I have been married, had kids, now I have a great awesome girlfriend, the girl of my dreams actually. We knew each other years ago. I see my kids, I know they love me and thats all I really need now.

Hi, You are right. We should work honestly without expecting anything from others. Our life would be happy if we don't have expectations.

This is a good move, to limit our expectations. Often we expect too much from something or someone, we become dissappointed when it does not meet our expectations. Parents may expect the children to be excellent in school, expect them to grow up securing an excellent job and have good marriage life and so on. Yeah, there are a lot of expectations from us in life, in a family, working life and even friends, neighbours and relatives. However. the more we expect the more disappointment we get if the outcome is otherwise. If we could learn not to expect too much in life, we could at least have a happier life.

When someone smile at you. You smile back you don't know why. like when baby smile at you , You also smile back. You know why because we are mirror’s reflect what ever face it. if we want to control what in the mirror we have to control our self . don't look at people to see there reflection make them reflection of you “Be the change that you wish to see in the world.” ? Mahatma Gandh

it's having high expectations of others that has been my downfall throughout life. I have expected people to do the right thing according to my standards and values and I still can't seem to get past that. I have never had expectations for myself because I was always led to believe that I was worthless.

We all have something we need to work on. It is good to realize that there are many people in the world and not all of them will agree with us or even like us. I think that as long as we like ourselves and are hones within ourselves then that is all we can do. We can't expect others to do anything. We can expect it of ourselves. Life is a journey.

Yes I completely agree with what you are saying. Even though it would be grand if everyone liked us and we didn't have many problems (especially the ones that happen one right after the other). I'm trying to work on this as well. It is very hard. For example there are people who are just out to take advantage of others and that drives me crazy. The impound were our van is said that my husband could come in on saturday to have the van scrapped and the guy recommended the place and this is a place that he takes vehicles too. Then he called last night saying the place is closed on Saturday's. What in the world? I really think he set this up so that he would charge us an extra $100 for keeping it until monday. It is very disappointing when we see that people are greedy and they take advantage of others who obviously has less money than they do. Because he is making a killing charging $25 a day for having vehicles sit in his yard.

Well the more expectation I have, the more disappointed I get. I do want my life to be so perfect and so ideal but I found out sometimes it's not possible. But if you look around, there are so many things that you really have, you just taken them for granted you focus on what you don't have.

that is right, i have been there myself and too often i get disappointed. lately i have tried not expecting too much on things and people and i can say that it has a good effect on ourselves and life. we are more contented and happy in life. good luck to you too.

Its an idea to keep in mind that the lower our expectation is, what we do receive will be more rewrding for us. Its hard not to expect sometimes, the best because we want the best for ourselvse and our loved ones. Our expectations can obviously have us feeling worse in the end when we don't get what we want though which is why I'm sure you've felt the same.