Fighting for the one you love
By courtknee525
@courtknee525 (3742)
United States
April 20, 2013 12:20pm CST
I'm currently in the type of situation where I'm trying to figure out how I should handle things and how I go about doing something in a certain way as far as relationships go. Early this morning I talked with my boyfriend about something that has been going on with us and his solution was something I didn't really want. But for the moment I accepted it because I could tell how upset he was and that he really needed to do something to get his mind off things.
I called him before he went to sleep but we didn't talk a whole lot about what had happened. So I left it alone because I knew we would talk more about it tomorrow and get things figured out a bit more.
After he had fallen asleep I wanted to send him a little message telling him how I feel and stuff like that. My "little" message turned into two super long messages about a lot of stuff and my feelings. As I was writing the messages, I kind of felt like one of those desperate people but in the end I told myself that no, I'm not desperate, I'm trying to fight and hang on to the person I love. He texted back not that long ago because he had woken up and he said that messages really meant a lot to him and that I was right about what I had said. He was tired but they put him in a better mood and I know that we'll definitely talk more once he wakes up.
I'm glad I sent the messages because I'm not about to sit by and let the relationship I have fall apart. I'm going to stand up and fight for it because it's what I want and I know he wants to be together too, it's just stressful right now since he's deployed to Korea. We're not broken up, we're just taking a step back for now these last few months he'll be in Korea. But I think that with time he will realize that we're better off together and that we can make things work.
After feeling slightly desperate while I was writing the message, I did change my mind and realized that I was fighting to save something that him and I both want. It also got me to thinking about if everyone here fights for the one they love or do not. So what do you do?
1 person likes this
7 responses
@911Ricki (13588)
• Canada
21 Apr 13
I think fighting to an extent, then it's just a waste of time. Communication is key, and not saying what is bothering you will just make it worse, and cause more issues. So yes, what you did was right, now I would leave it at that. Don't bring it up, until he does, or keep going back and messaging. I know many who would do that, or even if it doesn't work out you can say you tried, but after that fact going back and begging is just depserate, or even hanging onto it as well.
1 person likes this
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
21 Apr 13
I said what I needed to say in those messages, he woke up and saw them and sent a little message back and I left it at that until he woke up and skyped me. He promised we'd talk about the messages when he woke up and we did talk a little. He thought I was right about the things I said and my messages really got him thinking. Right now that's all I can really do. I know he does want to be together, he's just really torn because of how busy he is in the army and he can't be there for me the way he wants to.
@911Ricki (13588)
• Canada
21 Apr 13
He needs to think of his priorities too, yes you are apart. I know many who have stayed together for many years while being in the army. But if it keeps crossing his mind, and even considering not being there for you then maybe his conscious is trying to tell him something. My friends husband has been in teh army for years, he goes to teh US, all over Canada, and even deployed. He talked to her when he can, calls, and so on she says it's not the same as him sitting there, but the fact he is thinking of her, and still there, say with a phone call of texting, but then she also realizes his position as well.
1 person likes this
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
20 Apr 13
A good relationship is always worth fighting for and feelings are best shared rather than put off for another day. So I think you did the right thing,it gave you both peace of mind and left things open to discuss properly.
Your coming separation will sort out any problems you have, because it will give you time to step back and think things through. Write him lots of letters, he will need to hear from you.
1 person likes this
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
20 Apr 13
It felt good to get a lot of that off my chest and I'm glad I ended up sending them because a lot of times I forget exactly how I'd like to say something. So writing it all down and sending it to him was a good way to put things out there and when he wakes up we'll be able to talk more about it. At least I went through my day knowing I said some things I needed to say and he saw them and appreciated what I said.
I think he also needs to rethink things a little because he just literally woke up with the idea and I feel like he didn't really think things through all the way. I'm the opposite and I don't like to make quick decisions when I'm upset and angry, I give myself time to calm down and think things over.
I'm hoping once he wakes up he'll be in a different mood than yesterday and we'll have an easier time talking about what we'll do.
1 person likes this
@bounce58 (17387)
• Canada
23 Apr 13
I myself have a tendency to write things down to better understand what I feel. If I let it fester in my mind, it would just continue to eat at me.
I guess that your 'messages' was some sort of a (healing) process for you too. And maybe to your bf too. I guess laying down everything helps everybody involved in seeing the big picture.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
30 Apr 13
I also think that maybe he listens to what I say better when it's in a message rather than being on the phone trying to explain. When he reads what I say on his own time he tends to realize that what I say is right and it gives him some time to think a bit
@jagjit273 (1754)
• India
21 Apr 13
Bravo lady, you took the right stand. I wish my girl friend would have done the same thing like you did. In a relationship communication is the key to success in it and for it. You communicated at the right time and in right way. The man at the other end also stands for you with your support. When a man gets true support from his lady, he becomes more powerful and courageous.
@Dominique25 (9464)
• United States
21 Apr 13
I'm glad to hear that you did that. You aren't being desperate. You two have been together for awhile and life can throw very challenging circumstances at us. So it is only reasonable that you want the relationship that you both have worked so hard to maintain to work. I hope that things will get better for the two of you. Keep us posted on how you and him are doing.
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
21 Apr 13
I'm glad I did it too. In the messages I basically said everything I felt and what I wanted to say. When he woke up we skyped a while and he did say the messages had really touched his heart and it got him thinking a lot. The only reason I sent the messages is because I know he loves me and I know he wants to be together, he's just feeling really guilty about leaving me behind. I'm hoping that within a few days he'll realize we need to be together while he's away. I know him all too well and I have a feeling it'll happen that way. During our "break" he's not seeing anyone else because he only wants me. He just doesn't want to be stressed all the time feeling guilty. For some odd reason he thinks that this break will be good for our marriage when we get married...lol I have yet to figure that one out. And yesterday while I was skyping I couldn't help but talk to him about the situation he was saying how the break may not even last the full 5 months he has left in Korea and he said it'll probably be sooner than that, it could be a month, a week, or a day. Knowing him he'll come around soon enough, I just have to be patient with him.
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
20 Apr 13
Hi CourtKnee,
I don't know about fighting to be together. For me it is a matter of do you want to be with me or not? Or do I want to be with him or not? If there is love and commitment, there shouldn't need to be such a struggle to be together. Whether the one you love is in the next room or across the world, if you have love and commitment, there shouldn't need to be a fight to cling together.
If you can wait for him to come back, and deal with the loneliness, you should have it okay. If ou want to date other people whole you are stepping back, this could give you something to think about rather than dwelling on him not coming home as soon as you would like. I think you might feel a little left out because he is choosing something to advance his career. Being with a military man isn't for everyone.
This is really hard for you, but if you had it to do all over again, would you choose the man you are with now, while knowing you have to be separated with a half a world apart from each other? If the answer is yes, the battle is already won. You want to be with this man. [em]hugs[/em
@PointlessQuestions (15397)
• United States
20 Apr 13
You have your answer then. You both are committed to each other. I think if he knows you are glad to be with him even now with such distance between you, you both will survive this and be stronger for it. 
@courtknee525 (3742)
• United States
22 Apr 13
I really do think he just has to see that even though we're apart and we tend to argue over stupid things, we really are better off together and things just aren't the same when we're not. When he woke up a little while ago he was texting me and he's starting to feel bad about deciding to take a break with me and he may be regretting his decision.
I think he just made his decision too quick and let all of his emotions get in the way rather than giving it some time. Right now I just have to give him some time to see the mistake in his decision because I know him so well and after a day or so he's really going to be regretting what he chose. For some reason he thinks taking a break will make our marriage stronger when we get married but I don't see how that makes any sense. He's got a good heart but I just hope he realizes what he's done this time
@Angelpink (4034)
• Philippines
21 Apr 13
Hi ! We are just human being , we get tired ! Sometimes we want to stop fighting , it is very tiring to be there but i don't know no matter how tired i am , i don't stop fighting also , i still hanged on there no matter how deep and bloody is the wound. I am not a martyr , this is just how i loved a relationship that up to my last breath i would hanged on there ! Crazy and dull indeed but they said love is madness , without madness it could never be love.
