Rant #1 Today...

I have met people like this, you are convenient to them all the time they want you, and find a need in you, as soon as the need vanishes, so do they, and you don't see them for dust. That would annoy me to, especially when it's done so blatantly as she is obviously doing it. Seems you are useful to her when she needs you, all the other times you might as well be invisible. Personally I wouldn't spend a moment with that sort of person, but that's just me.

She must be in the same situation as I am. I do not get to see my friends that often coz my husband doesn't like the idea of me hanging out. Why? I am not sure what the perfect word would describe it , but i just tend to just be quiet about it instead of getting into a fight. But when I do have the chance, with the help of my sister, of course, I would meet them without him knowing it.

I know what you're talking about completely. I had a friend who would do this and I was put to the side if he was around. She only wanted to hang around if he wasn't there. I don't feel that's fair. Unfortunately, it ended our good times that we had together. It's a really long, long story and that's just the tip of the iceberg, but it still means the same thing. She was my best friend at one time....so sad, so very sad.

hi she sounds rather immature and sort of insecure too as if she has to hang onto hubby all the time.I was always able to visit my friends or my mom even though married. But i was not insecure b ut she sounds like she is She will use you when hubby iks not available which seems a bit insulting.,

I met a good friend in Bangkok where we meet only when his partner is not at home. His partner is a 61-year old American guy and my friend is only 26. Whenever his guy is home, he couldn't go out at all and just spends time with him, but he still talks to me on the phone. Your case is a totally different thing though. It makes me wonder why she would ignore you like that when her hubby is home. I had been away from home for 6 months and when I came back to my home country three weeks ago, I divided my time between my family and friends. I do ask permission from my husband that I want to spend time with my friends too. he understands that. Though my family is the most important thing in the world, my friends matter to me too.

i know the feeling, but i had a different problem. anyways i hope you guys can work it out.

Well you should also understand that she has a life with her partner as well and maybe she wants to spend quality time with him more during those times she has the opportunity to be with him. I think you should just try to understand her situation rather than getting annoyed with her not taking some time with you when she is with her partner.

Maybe its not her, but him. I've known spouses that don't like their spouse to be around anyone else. If it is him, at least you know he doesn't try to forbid her from being with other people when he's not around.

So, don't hang out with her anymore.

I don't think this person can be called a friend. She knows how to manipulate others time and friendship to her advantage. I don't think I would associate myself with such kind of friend.

I never really understood women who are like this but I do know it happens. Some men can be like that too. The fact that it is your sister whom you have always been close to makes me think that sitting with her some day when you both are in good moods and just telling her how it makes you feel. How long has she been married. I see this more with women who are recently married or when they first start dating a guy. What they don't realize is that every relationship needs breathing room. Too much time spent secluded just to each other is bound to get smothering after a while.

I agree with you that person is being immature. I have had instances like this. I know of two people that have done this to me. The first person is someone who used to be my friend, but after she moved we no longer talk and are not friends anymore. I’m not really sure why because she is the one who stopped talking to me. Anyway, my point is that every day she would want to hang out and do things with me while her boyfriend was working. She knew that I am a college student and have a lot of studying to do. I take the majority of my classes online so I think the thought I could do my work whenever, which is very aggravating because it can be a lot of work sometimes. If I have the attitude that I can do my work whenever, then I wouldn’t ever get anything done. My classes are very fast paced and I have to set some type of schedule for myself. I tried to ignore her, but she would constantly call and then she would just show up at my front door. I would try to be nice to her but I didn’t know how to tell her I was busy. Even when I told her I was busy, she started to say things like “only for a couple of hours.” So after she moved, I didn’t hear anything from her and I was a little relieved to have some free time. The other person is a family member but I can understand why she does this to a certain extent. She has to work long hours and usually doesn’t get off until late. I know that she can’t change her hours so I can understand why she wants to hang out at certain times. She doesn’t seem to understand that I am busy sometimes though, it is a little one-sided. Although, she is getting better about the situation and realizing that I have work also. She seems to be a little more understanding as time goes by. One thing I have learned is that when people like this make comments about you not hanging out, you just have to ignore and act like it doesn’t bother you. Sooner or later they will get the picture. Or at least this worked for me. If I was you, then I would politely tell her you either didn’t feel like it or you are busy. Tell her the truth, either your busy or just don’t feel like hanging out that day or night. Then see what happens, if they are rude just ignore it. Hopefully they will understand. You have to do what is best for you.

To be honest, I was like this when I was young. Back in high school. I guess HS was the time you learn about yourself. And as soon a I did it, I regretted it immediately. It took a while, but I've taught myself not to be like this anymore. To treat each other with as much respect, as I want to be respected. Unfortunately, there are some people who have not learned their lessons back in high school, or thereafter.

The way I see it, she is only using you to have someone to be with whenever her husband is not around. I think that a true friend will not behave like that. My husband works at home and I was the one who works on weekdays so we don't usually have much time during those days so I am always looking forward to weekends so we could spend more time together. But it does not necessarily mean that I would ignore calls or messages from my family and friends. In fact, I still accept calls from my boss and other colleagues. Are they newly wed?

It could also be that her husband is restricting her time and demanding that she is his alone. My ex did that to me for about five years, but I thought it was just his insecurity. I didn't learn until about two years ago that it was considered a warning sign of domestic abuse. I nearly cried when I realized that. I wish someone in my life cared enough about me to check sooner-I can't trust most people as a result.

Everyone is different and has different priorities. And to some friends are just for when nothing else is going on. I think you should say something to her. Think about it first and be very tactful but I think you will be happier if you say something, get her side of things and come to some resolution. It may just be that she didn't understand she wasn't being this way.

Two questions that come to mind for me are: 1.) How old is she? Age makes a big difference in maturity level. 2.) How long have they been married? Are they still in the Newlywed phase? I think that these two questions are important variables in the situation. Have you ever tried to talk to her about it? Perhaps her hubby is the one who wants all of her attention when they are at home together. There are several reasons that could prevent her from seeking you out or returning your calls during these times. Good luck!

Yeah you should talk with your sister about that. My husband's brother is the same way. He completely dismisses the whole family when he is with a girl. He doesn't call my husband or try to hang out with him. But when he's not with someone he is always with the family. One time my husband and brother and law signed up for a gym membership together. And then as soon as his brother got a girlfriend he stopped going to the gym with my husband.

I guess you would call me immature too, as I would only want to hang out with you when your husband was at work.

Some people just want to talk, whoever it is. I always gets bored with too much talking