Solving problems in the home and at work

Unfortunately my ex brought many dramas into our relationship and they were very difficult to deal with, my ex had a nasty temper and could be very angry and aggressive, and no amount of assertiveness would cut any ice with them. They say behaviour breeds behaviour, well they are not wrong, the only way for me to deal with my ex was to get more aggressive and more angry, it was a side of me that I have never witnessed, so I guess my ex brought out the worst in me. I even frightened myself at the anger and aggression that was coming out, in the end, I knew it was time to leave the relationship, sadly my ex wouldn't let me go and even threatened to have me sectioned, can you believe that? And yet it was my ex who was mad, totally mad, and they could be very abusive. Crafty too because people thought my ex was lovely, little did they know. It's a shame that mental cruelty is so damn hard to prove, the only scars, are on the inside.

I deal with crises with the children pretty calmly and assertively usually. If I feel intimidated or unsure, I sometimes need to think about it for a bit, and come back to it later.

you got the right idea. it works if a person will let you be with it. sometimes i have to use a different strategy as my daughter when she comes over now tells me all kinds of things about her bf and my youngest son living with her so lately i just say to her whatever. i dont want to hear it cause it upsets me and you continue to keep them in your life. lately i just try not to have much contact with her altho i miss her so much.

Oh gosh, lately you would think my whole life was a drama. Seems that if it could go wrong it will and has been productive about being on that track lately. Everything these days is stressful. It seems no matter how I try and avoid it - it seems to seek me out. I don't want it, don't need it and tired of dealing with it. But most of what I have to deal with are big issues and not nonsense things from people. Keep saying things will get better...still praying it will.

1. Identify the issues. Be clear about what the problem is. Remember that different people might have different views of what the issues are. Separate the listing of issues from the identification of interests (that's the next step!). 2. Understand everyone's interests. This is a critical step that is usually missing. Interests are the needs that you want satisfied by any given solution. We often ignore our true interests as we become attached to one particular solution. The best solution is the one that satisfies everyone's interests. This is the time for active listening. Put down your differences for awhile and listen to each other with the intention to understand. Separate the naming of interests from the listing of solutions. 3. List the possible solutions (options) This is the time to do some brainstorming. There may be lots of room for creativity. Separate the listing of options from the evaluation of the options.

I am with you who needs drama all you have to do is walk out the door now days to get that and well I have as you know enough of my own to deal with but as for a work place no I think you should have a strict code to work by and should be followed to the letter set up by the owner of the business

I avoid and ignore drama. The person/s who bring the most to me are not in my house. I sometimes get wound up over a situation and get very screechy and I try to apologize, because more often than not what I am upset about is things not people. You sound very mature in how you deal with things.

I get my drama on TV...

All of us have different issues and situations when it comes to problems. For me, I deal with them differently at work and at home. When I am at work, I always adopt an impersonal stance by not letting any of my friendship or sisterhood involved. I think it is because of this attitude, I am being looked up as the elder sister and being seek out when problem arises. It would be all work related and my coworkers knows that, so everything is laid out on the table as far as work is concern. When it comes to problems, I would usually adopt the observing since I do not have much or anywhere I can walk away to. Also, I have work to do and because of the disruptive nature I need to step in to prevent the situation from escalating. The problems are usually over some misunderstandings from work flow and a supervisor that could not see things ahead or beyond her scope. So, I would step in to defuse the situation and get the order of work back on. I don't like escalations and I always feel all's not done until the errant party is being ticked off. I would then follow up with both parties after work to let them know where they had gone wrong. On the more serious cases, I would get both the supervisor and the manager involved because it affects company policy. At home, I don't have much problems as I have very understanding in-laws who would always offer a hand as far as domestics are concern. So for me, it will be basically with my 2 daughters who can be quite a handful when they have their differences. I usually will not allow the escalations like at work and my daughters know that I am no nonsense here. I rarely raise my voice at home but when I do they know what's coming next and they don't like it. You see, I have a system as far as punishment is concern and it ranges, so my girls will be wondering what's next. They hate it and it is good because this is just what it is like out there in the world when you make or draw consequences on yourself. I can assure you none of these are pleasant even my in-laws would cringe but they know that it is for the best of their grandchildren who are always so well behaved with them. In the house I am more involved because I am like the CEO who needs to be really into it. So, I would always remind everyone that there's zero tolerance for not respecting the elders, bad manners and non filial piety. This is the essence of a Chinese and there's no 2 ways here. IMO, I feel that we must always adopt and have a right attitude when problems arises. This attitude carries us and gives us the edge over our opposite party because most of the time, we are in the right and have all the backing we need to prove that we are right. On the other hand, when other parties have problems, they will look up to us and hear what we have to say. In this way, peace could be restored in a relatively short time and in most cases, instantly.

I used to have a counselor that helped me in different techniques in resolving issues that came up both in my relationship with my ex and my children. I am retired now and no longer married. I am going to family therapy now with my daughter and grandson. I feel that a counselor helped me do a self-balancing act. Helped me to feel good about the things and decisions I have had to make. I find that Mylot helps me alot with support now. Since january of 2012 counseling centers no long do a free counseling for the counselors that don't have their license and need hours of experience to get that license. See I used to go to them because they were free and now they don't do that anymore. So Mylot it is. And my medication. So with the therapist my daughter and I have learned some technigues to utilize with my grandson is acting out. Sometimes they help and sometimes they don't.

"we owe it to them and ourselves to confront that person or persons" I agree..and we owe it to others as well..:) I feel if we accept wrong silently for the sake of peace, we do not correct the person's behavior. In the process, such wrong will not be recognized as wrong when another person is subjected to it. We will then be responsible for the anguish and pain another person feels because we did not rise up against the wrong, right? Having said that ...battles need to be chosen wisely, and fought to bitter end. I am a great one for avoiding drama. But when it reaches over my head I had it... I only dont know how to present my feelings well when I am confronted with the situation. Take for example...my colleagues...they used to frequently say...since you are not married and you dont have kids...why dont you adopt mine or write your properties to us or our children. My retirement savings were what they were eyeing. It was a joke for them ...they were much younger...so their monies did not look adequate for them. But for me that was painful. I ignore and the next unmarried girl gets to be teased in that fashion. So...one fine day I told them I would adopt your child but for the fact that she is ugly...oh boy ...hell broke lose...why did I react like that...all of s sudden...have become mad may be...it was only a joke...really? If there is a cause for pain in another person's life can you joke about it? if there is a widow...would you offer her secsual services of your spouse as a joke? May be I hit it too hard...they'd come up in an environment of that kind where such teasing is not a taboo. That is my regret. God is my witness I did try several times to say such jokes hurt. But they were ignored. So finally when I reacted...I earned me enemies. Drama it is..not my creation...

Yeah the way you handle it is a good way of doing it. It is best to stay out of drama. We don't want others to feel as if we are choosing sides. And it saves us headaches from having to deal with all that is happening in other people's personal lives.

i don't like hysterics too. my husband and i talk things over as calmly as possible when we have problems. i've also told my son practically the same thing that you said. he can tell me anything as long as he doesn't use vile words or raise his voice. some people cannot contain their emotions and they tend to overeact. this worsens the situation and makes it harder looking for solutions to the problem at hand.

In my view i try solve problems when they rise Yes its good if they ask in peaceful manner about it

I think the main key is remembering that you need to handle drama, not let it handle you. How you handle it can make or break a person. I'm a pretty calm person, it takes practice - daily. So I don't tend to react to something until I've thought about it. There are times when someone is hurt, aka kids and ER calls, but even then have to keep panic under a lid so don't stress them out or have them feed off me in a response. It's amazing when you think about it. How you react effects everyone around you. It's a trickle down effect. I'm just choosing not to turn it into a waterfall.