The Car's The Star
By WorDazza
@WorDazza (15830)
Manchester, England
December 21, 2015 11:40am CST
For those of you who don’t know, I work in the car industry so I am fairly up-to-date with the latest, and future, developments in vehicle technology. It won’t be too long before cars will automatically arrange repairs as they recognise a part is wearing and approaching the point of break-down. They will also be able to call an ambulance immediately after being involved in an accident.
But why stop there? I think that we, in the car industry, should be providing a much more complete service. So here are the features I will be pitching to car manufacturers for their cars of the future:
1. Instantly reversible upholstery. Immediately on detecting an accident is about to occur the upholstery will automatically flip to the sort of plastic, wipe-clean stuff you get on the high-backed chairs in nursing homes.
2. As you plummet off a cliff, a camera in the dashboard will take a selfie and the car will automatically post this to the most popular social media sites as a last goodbye to all of your ‘friends’.
3. On detecting no signs of life the car will phone for the nearest undertaker to come and retrieve your mangled corpse and arrange your funeral.
4. It will then update your wife’s facebook status to ‘Single’, compose a profile for her and post it onto a number of dating websites giving priority to RecentlyWidowedAbsolutelyLoadedAndLookingForAToyboy .com.
I trust you will agree, I’m onto a winner!
27 people like this
22 responses
@Bluedoll (16773)
• Canada
21 Dec 15
This is a hit. Not joking. People love their cars so why not have those features. Instead of a warning for all occupants to wear their seat belts, we got that already, we know move on. Perhaps a warning to say nice things about your car. Really if your car doesn't like you it can find another.
4 people like this
@pgntwo (22408)
• Derry, Northern Ireland
21 Dec 15
The forward-facing camera on the dashboard's almost already a reality, judging by clips of accidents, from the driver's perspective, on YouTube...
When will they teflon-coat cars so they don't need to be washed, above or beneath? That would get my vote!
3 people like this
@pgntwo (22408)
• Derry, Northern Ireland
21 Dec 15
@WorDazza Ah yes, the ancillary services...
I'll be out with a stern word the first time a van appeared to replace the wiper blades on the car as it sits on the drive... Would you have to let the car have your credit card for it to arrange its ongoing maintenance?
3 people like this
@PainsOnSlate (21852)
• Canada
21 Dec 15
That was a fun post to read, I actually laughed out loud.
3 people like this
@Marcyaz (35316)
• United States
21 Dec 15
I also was laughing reading those.@PainOnSlate
1 person likes this
@ElizabethWallace (12074)
• United States
21 Dec 15
Why restrict this service to cars? I want my fridge to know when something is running low and order it to be delivered.
4 people like this
@BelleStarr (61101)
• United States
22 Dec 15
I think you are on to something here, the car with a great social presence!! I particularly like the change of status!!
2 people like this
when does their production start?
@garymarsh6 (23404)
• United Kingdom
21 Dec 15
Haha that had me rolling! Well done. I hope your suggestions are taken up by the car industry! It would save a hell of a lot of time!
2 people like this
@Morleyhunt (21744)
• Canada
21 Dec 15
Scary, but knowing some would applaud those advances. Tongue in cheek.
2 people like this
@WorDazza (15830)
• Manchester, England
22 Dec 15
@JudyEv Oh yeah, that old chestnut! They were just giving me a lift home.
When I was about 20 I was waiting at a bus stop during rush hour so it was pretty busy. A police car pulled up, two police officers jumped out, grabbed me and bundled me into the car and shot off, much to the amazement of the rest of the people at the bus stop. It was my police officer friend and his colleague who gave me a lift to university.
I was given a wide berth at the bus stop the following morning!!
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (342100)
• Rockingham, Australia
22 Dec 15
@WorDazza Is THAT what it was? Well, in that case, I'll stop complaining. I was given a lift home in a paddy wagon once. Long story but the telephone box swallowed my last sixpence in a deserted country town and the police turned up and took me 4 miles home.
1 person likes this
@celticeagle (168269)
• Boise, Idaho
21 Dec 15
That's like leaving the dog to do all the dirty work Silly silly.
@celticeagle (168269)
• Boise, Idaho
22 Dec 15
@WorDazza ....Poor dog! All the weight on him.
1 person likes this
@Poppylicious (11133)
•
21 Dec 15
I am completely smitten with number 2. I LOVE that idea.
1 person likes this
@crystalvisions (440)
• United Kingdom
26 Dec 15
I think the less motorists become dependent on satellite technology the better drivers can be in control.
@anh101 (1379)
•
30 Dec 15
well, a car in VN is a property not a transportation. you can be selling car in VN and earn a lot of money since the vietnamese rich loves to buy the costlier car than their friends'one.
Me: i don't have a car, I also don't have a motorcycle also. neither do I have a bike.
