Are your friends really your friends?
By DJ
@Daljinder (23236)
Bangalore, India
April 29, 2016 11:05am CST
What is the definition of a friend to you anyway?
I imagine it's different for everyone. I realized importance of friendship is also different for everyone.
Some put family before friends. Some put friends before family. Some consider friends their family.
Some have high expectations from their friends. Some have low expectations. Some expect nothing.
Friends stay.
Friends betray.
Friends lead you astray.
Friends show you the way.
They love and they hate.
They bug and they bait.
They stand by your side.
Sometimes push you aside.
They never leave your side.
And then leave you behind.
Are they luck or fate?
Can you also relate?
So, what's up people..... Define friend in your terms to me.
(Photo by Me- Painting is my own work of art.)
23 people like this
27 responses
@DaddyEvil (137259)
• United States
29 Apr 16
First, your painting is very good! (Understand, please, that I know little about art except for what I like. I like that! Thank you for sharing it with us!)
Second, IRL I do consider my friends my family. I treat them like family, too. Most of them treat me like family. Online friends seem to have different expectations and reactions. I have not fully decided everything about them, yet. I am not sure I CAN decide everything until I meet them in person, either. (shrug!)
I will go as quickly as I can to help my friends when they let me know something is wrong. (Both online and off.)
I do expect some type of response from friends, if I ask for help. The response I expect differs with each friend. That might not make sense to you right away, but it is the only way I know to express it. I cannot expect an online friend to come take me to the hospital when I have an allergic reaction. Nor can I expect all real life friends to respond to that, either. Some live states or countries away from me. Some live a block away but have no driver's license and can't drive, either.
So far, I have treated people on myLot as I do my real life friends. For the most part, people here have responded the way I would expect them to in real life.
8 people like this
@TheHorse (218903)
• Walnut Creek, California
29 Apr 16
@DaddyEvil I wonder what percent of internet friendships would translate in the flesh. For example what if someone with a great sarcastic sense of humor here was actually too mean to waitresses? Or what if someone who seems a little too "straight" (serious) here is actually a hoot in real life? Is it possible to tell?
6 people like this
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@vandana7 (100297)
• India
29 Apr 16
I try to be there for friends. I hurt WHEN I AM VULNERABLE as I am only human. Normally, I can brush off many things, but if a friend misunderstands me, I hurt. I don't like to use friends. I feel in some way, I have been less of a friend if I take their help, and start suspecting if I had ulterior motives in befriending them. Then I kind of lose respect for me. So I have been blessed by good friends - like anybody else. But I have lost quite a few on the way to this stage of my life, because I could not bring myself to use them. Now, when I try to get back, I can't. Girls get married and their surnames change. One girl only came in contact but apparently distance is too much to cover.
Like you are to dodo, I do have two of them...I feel guilty when I turn to them. lol. But they are like rock solid, we will fight your battles for you type of friends. So I guess, I can't complain. lol
Painting is beautiful...is it a copy of some other artwork - I kind of thought it may be some of Amrita Shergill's work..:) I had a calendar of her paintings...
4 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
30 Apr 16
You steal my thoughts every time! It becomes difficult to reply back to you. Or should I say myself? 
Okay I will add this extra to complete my thought process that you stole. "I feel useless and helpless when I can't help a friend. Especially when they are in a dire need of it. Even knowing that it was out of my hands doesn't help. I am still riddled with guilt. And in opposite case, I never ask for help. It just don't feel right. I feel I am taking advantage of them if I do. And there are times when I expect my friends to read my mind and know that I am upset. LOL Stupid I know. But it happens. A by product of refusing to ask for help."
There now it's complete.
About the painting, I don't know about it being a copy or not. The one who taught me gave me this picture and I made it from scratch. 
Okay I will add this extra to complete my thought process that you stole. "I feel useless and helpless when I can't help a friend. Especially when they are in a dire need of it. Even knowing that it was out of my hands doesn't help. I am still riddled with guilt. And in opposite case, I never ask for help. It just don't feel right. I feel I am taking advantage of them if I do. And there are times when I expect my friends to read my mind and know that I am upset. LOL Stupid I know. But it happens. A by product of refusing to ask for help."
There now it's complete.
About the painting, I don't know about it being a copy or not. The one who taught me gave me this picture and I made it from scratch. 3 people like this
@much2say (55616)
• Los Angeles, California
29 Apr 16
What a wonderful painting! 
I can try to define what friendship is to me, but that doesn't necessarily fit the description of each and every relationship that I have with friends. I could have very high expectations (and go nuts) if I felt they had to fit into the mold of a specific definition. So I won't. Instead, I will just say I enjoy getting along with all kinds of folks - and if I am fortunate, I have the pleasure of having them in my life - and can call them "a friend".
I can try to define what friendship is to me, but that doesn't necessarily fit the description of each and every relationship that I have with friends. I could have very high expectations (and go nuts) if I felt they had to fit into the mold of a specific definition. So I won't. Instead, I will just say I enjoy getting along with all kinds of folks - and if I am fortunate, I have the pleasure of having them in my life - and can call them "a friend".6 people like this
@much2say (55616)
• Los Angeles, California
30 Apr 16
@Daljinder I've had to learn this. I grew up not too socialized, so being alone a lot made me conjure up expectations of what a friendship should/would be. Then when I finally figured out how to jump into the world, my expectations came with me - and oh yes there was a lot of hurt and disappointments. But now that I'm "older" and "wiser", I've come to find that content middle ground about many things . . . and in the case of friendship, just "going with the flow" seems to work out best (for me).
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
30 Apr 16
Thank you for the compliment!!
I feel expectations lead to hurt and disappointments. Not always of course! You are right about fitting and mouldings friend into a specific definition. It's an expectation too in a way. As long as we are getting along and having fun is good enough!
Again expectation...
6 people like this
@kulraj (13)
•
30 Apr 16
@Daljinder S I agree with you. Why do you run to help a friend? Why you are the one who want to take your friend to the hospital as soon as you hear for help? Because most of us keep expectations due to which we do most of these things.
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
30 Apr 16
Yes it is my handiwork. LOL And thanks for the kind words.
So true about friendship. We don't have to explain anything or everything.
6 people like this
@hora_fugit (5862)
• India
30 Apr 16
That is very beautiful piece of art! 
No comments on friends...
No comments on friends...3 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
30 Apr 16
Thanks for that!!!
Okay comments on friends prohibited from you... 
4 people like this
@vandana7 (100297)
• India
2 May 16
@Hatley ..No she was much too kind...much much too kind...a friend I would have loved to have for lifetime...but if she came to know of my financial problems at the time...I felt she would end up sacrificing what is essential for her ... and that scared me coz she was just that nice.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (100297)
• India
1 May 16
Hugs...I know ...what that support is like...I received help from one...moral...you know I never stopped thinking of her. The results were wrong...did not tie the question paper right so my objective paper went somewhere...and theory paper went somewhere, got wrong marks because those teachers were lazy...she took me to the university helped me submit application for recount, for a month she was like my pillar of strength...whenever I felt in dumps she was there, looking for me, took me to her place too, made me pray, taught me a very valuable lesson called "faith". Then when results were out ...I passed, I shared it with her, she encouraged me to sing...I'd forgotten what it was like. She knew how to play percussion instrument. I disconnected with her....she was better off when compared to me at the time, financially, I thought she would be helping me out...she had heart problem...yeah...she would need that money for her...I disconnected from her...miss her. God gave me friends. Good ones. I did not know how to keep them.
2 people like this
@mhike_ghelo (102)
• Makati, Philippines
30 Apr 16
@Shavkat I agree, why should you cling on to your untrue friends. God is our best friend. Let us live happy and let them be.
3 people like this
@Shavkat (139940)
• Philippines
30 Apr 16
@mhike_ghelo You are right my dear friend. We don't need to dwell with the nibblers.
3 people like this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
30 Apr 16
@Daljinder I forgot to say that I love the painting.
2 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
30 Apr 16
True that!!! When we accept a person we accept them as a whole with all their good and bad.
4 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
30 Apr 16
very cool painting..
well there are friends.. then there are "friends".
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
30 Apr 16
@Daljinder I have only 2 friends.. they are the "pearls" of my life.
I have many other "friends" who are like the "melodies" of my life. A melody starts beautifully and sometimes ends beautifully.
I have many other "friends" who are like the "sand" in my eyes. They make you cry more than others, but they will always be remembered.
I have many other "friends" who are the "teachers" in my life. Most the lessons they teach are hard to swallow at the time but necessary.
If life is an experience, the "friends" will make it richer and more colourful.
And if I can produce 1 or 2 pearls out of this muddy muck.. then ya I am truly blessed xD
3 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
2 May 16
@Drosophila AWESOME!!! I really loved the description of friends and friendship.....all in one.... So true too.
So true too.2 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
30 Apr 16
okay so who do you prefer? Friends or "friends" ?
Thanks btw! :)4 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
30 Apr 16
Friends are real. True or not and good or not is the main question. Right??
3 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
30 Apr 16
Thank you for the compliment! I used acrylic fabric colours.
3 people like this
@sabashekh (1218)
• Bhopal, India
29 Apr 16
A friend is one who stands by you and say Ily whenever u need him .... The one who scolds you and fight for you ... N especially with the one you sit and give names to your enemy :D ... Friendship is eternal
3 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
30 Apr 16
That's a fun side of the friendship. With a honesty thrown in the mix. Loved it!! 4 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
30 Apr 16
You know it's opposite is true too. 
Friends indeed are friends in need.
Friends indeed are friends in need.3 people like this
@JudyEv (340106)
• Rockingham, Australia
1 May 16
@Daljinder Then I'd expect them to catch the next plane!
2 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
30 Apr 16
And if they couldn't be there for you? Then? 
3 people like this
@JohnRoberts (109846)
• Los Angeles, California
29 Apr 16
A friend is that person who will help you move out of the kindness of their heart.
2 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
30 Apr 16
You mean not because they are suppossed to or expected to. Right?
2 people like this
@JohnRoberts (109846)
• Los Angeles, California
30 Apr 16
@Daljinder That is correct. They volunteer without hint or expectation of something in return.
2 people like this
@rina110383 (24492)
•
1 May 16
I can't define it. I'm the loner/anti-social/introvert type.
2 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
2 May 16
You are your own best friend. Best thing about that there is no fear or worry of bad things happening. Anyways you have friends here too.....
2 people like this
@pinkCardigangirl (587)
• United States
30 Apr 16
I think a friend is someone who sticks by you through good times and hard times. I have learned who real friends are when you go through tough life experiences.
2 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
30 Apr 16
Yup tough times let us know quite well who is ours who is no one's eh?
2 people like this
@kulraj (13)
•
29 Apr 16
Good question and a good answer to your own question that we all have a different meaning for friendship.
Friendship for me is definitely after family.,But also the important thing in friendship is understanding each other and helping in the tough times. Its a second family. Its very simple like we marry and get new people added to our family, Similarly we are born in a family,then we get friends and then the new family like marriage,kids & all. Not everyone understands and do friendship in this way.
Keeping it short i would say identifying a good friend and then understand them and be understood in the relationship.
3 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
30 Apr 16
LOL I agree with it all. That is how I percieve it too. Among other things
2 people like this
