How To Destroy A Perfectly Good Hamburger

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Place your selection of ground cow on the grill and then light the grill. Press down on the burger at 15 times and flip it the same number of times to ensure it is bone dry. When you are done, and the grease fire is extinguished, leave the disks of powdery cattle out uncovered to be certain that fly excrement is sprinkled on them. Lastly, make sure the condiments are out in the hot sun for at least four hours before usage. Oh, always buy the day-old buns at the market to trend with the dryness them. *Honestly, a burger should be touched only twice once it is placed on the fully hot grill. One touch to flip it, gently, and one touch to remove it. I am the Burger King, hear me meow. Meow.