Do you allow your bf/gf to make a decision for you? / myLot

Philippines

May 4, 2016 7:49am CST

Lately, I'm having a hard time dealing with my partner because of decision making. I resigned from my previous job because he doesn't like me to get the next assignment. It was a provincial assignment again and it will turn out that we will be in a long distance relationship again. We don't live in the same roof, so I don't see the difference of me getting a job that I want, because we can still see each other on a weekend basis or day off. That's the same set up we are having already. He wants me to get a job on the same company with him. He actually resigned from his job and wants us to have the same job on the same company. Yes I like the idea. But it pissed me off because, I'm trying to be submissive but he's rude when offers and opportunities knock on me. There's an event when we both applied and I got notified and he wasn't. And he's really mad at me. However, he has a back up plan, where in I allowed him to find a job on his own, meaning if our plans to work in the same company and place didn't work, he has a fallback. But he doesn't want me to entertain any of the job offered to me from other company. I find it so unfair. I keep on asking him how come I have plans for his future and he has no plan for me? I don't understand why is he so selfish. I followed him, I actually did everything. I applied to the same company he was hired and got a yes, however they can't give me the salary I'm asking. So I don't think they will call me back. In 2 months, I'm struggling with my personal finances because of following him. And now, start of 3rd month and still I'm unemployed. I'm just working as freelance engineer after I finished my last project. And the income is not enough for my expenses. I keep on telling him those things and he doesn't even care. He always say he's tired of thinking, he's tired of listening to me etc. I understand he's a bread winner and he's stressed with family too. But is that enough reason for him to control me that way? What can you advice me? I really need a parent like advice.

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11 responses

Lee Ka

@kaka135 (14931)

• Malaysia

4 May 16

Sorry to hear that, especially when you read others' advice that made you feel sad. When it comes to relationship, I actually do not really like to give advice or take advice from others, as others will not understand your situation completely. I know you have already talked to him on this, but I guess that's the only way to solve any issues, via communication. Perhaps you can set up a nice and relaxing environment to talk about it. Before discussing, tell him that you really wish two of you can figure out a better way for you both and the future as well. Tell him that you think this is really important for you both, if you decide to walk together with each other for long run. Try to keep the discussion as effective and open as possible, and not to blame or say something negative. Maybe it'd be good to write down something that you think is important, not to keep it as record, but just to make things clearer. Sometimes when I want to make a decision, I always like to write down the pros and cons, as it's easier for me to have a big picture view. My suggestion is: Perhaps you can discuss, if he insists two of you work in the same company, but currently both are not hired, then how long can you sustain your living. 3 months? 6 months? How if after 6 months, both of you still are not hired in the same company, do you still wait or do you move on your own? Perhaps setting a time period and making some feasible plans together would be good. All the best to you!

* You might really also need to think, if you can really be with him for the rest of your life, provided he doesn't change. We just can't expect others to make changes, we can only change ourselves.

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