Do you rely on friends to help you?

hahah.. ya taxes is a pain. ya I guess I can say something like, I know you're busy and I appreciate the help. so on to make it sound a bit better

@Drosophila Yeah, the psychologist types call that "empathic assertion." A useful tool!

@TheHorse lol yas, it's very useful in tech support

then I'd still have to hurry her along :D

@Drosophila Blessed are those that do not expect anything for they will not be disappointed! Best to do good and just forget it. Like you, I don't forget those who are kind to me and always try to repay the kindness one day, in some way.

@1hopefulman well said! very very true

Indeed, I always treat people willing to help me nicely.. when I help someone, I also don't expect pay backs either.. otherwise you just set yourself up for disappointment

Whilst I see your point and I do agree with you to some extent. There is also a lot of "what-ifs" there. I do believe even in the worst circumstances, I will do what I can for my particular predicament. Purely because it's my own duty and not anyone else's to sort myself out. Therefore, whilst I should ask for help, I shouldn't always count on receiving it. Now that's not to say we shouldn't accept graciously. In today's society, anyone offering you genuine help should be appreciated. However, today's society has also developed enough so that one can get by without having to rely heavily on others. In that sense, for nearly everything else there is MasterCard! Is that sad? I don't think so! Because it's only when we truly don't need people to do practical things for us that we really appreciate the value of human interaction, bonding and relationships

@Drosophila I don't think anyone would agree it is ok to take advantage of others, or to expect others to give us a free ride or view them as a meal ticket. Such thinking is abhorrent. However, the conversation tends a little more to the Ayn Randian than that. What if's do happen, and not necessarily in such catastrophic ways as a fire or a tidal wave or earthquake. A series of 'unfortunate events' () can add up to make a person unable to cope with the fallout from multiple difficulties. Other things happen that even good old MC or AE, or V can't even fix. ...or they can, but if things tend to happen at the same time, and they get maxed out.....then what? I guess it stems from knowing a number of people, who through no fault of their own, are in circumstances that necessitate their relying at least to some extent on the kindness and forbearance of others. If you can't work, can't even feed yourself, for example, how do you get the money together to pay the visa bill?

@sulynsi in Ireland the state support for disability is actually quite good. Even for job seekers it's some 188 euro a week. Once again, am not suggesting people shouldn't rely on others. We all do to certain extent emotional or moral support. I am just pointing out that today's society and support structure has probably reached a stable enough state to give us the freedom of self-reliance, which In previous settings have not been possible. Also am not saying people who have undergone lots of unfortunate events which had rendered them helpless is then at fault for depending on other people. Any number of accidents, health issues can do that to a person. There is nothing wrong in seeking help and support when that's one's only option. All I am saying is that outside these extreme circumstances, I'd prefer to get things done myself. I am sure one day this will change, as I get older and frailer etc. But for as long as it hasn't reached that state, I still prefer to do things myself. Now that's my preference, and I know there are others who enjoy receiving help as well as giving help, that's their preference. And that's cool too!

ya I used to do that, until one of my best friend made the feedback that I don't make an easy person to accept help.. therefore I actually miss out some genuine opportunities there

@Daljinder I think my best mate has a point.. "the way someone chose to help you or not, says a lot about your friendship." either way its good to ask people for help now and then.. just don't count on it. And be gracious in accepting help, as people's relationships are strengthened by the help they can give each other..

@Drosophila That's the risk. It's difficult to know who is genuinely offering help or just because he was supposed to.

ya that's my usual route, hire someone and get the job done. I don't think am anti-social, just I find most people I meet very boring

But all areas in life do not get covered with that, do they?

@vandana7 actually most things in my life fall into those 2 categories. 1) money = me or loan from bank 2) food = me or restaurant 3) bills = me 4) work around the house = landlord 5) illness = doctor 6) computer = me or buy a new one 7) legal stuff = me or pay a solicitor 8) tax = me or pay some (in this case the friend kept dragging on) 9 moving = me or pay moving company so ya.. as you can see.. it covers 99% of the things I need to get done.

@Drosophila OK, well if she does come up trumps and you decide to invite her round to share your signature hotpot dish as a way of a thank you, can I suggest you go for a rice offering instead. You don't want to go through all that again.

@Orson_Kart hahahhaha! We'll go out for dinner instead

hahhaha no I have more female friends than 1.. though, I do have more male friends

@Drosophila lol Yes there are times it is best not to get into these situations.

@BelleStarr indeed.. ah well. I will now know for next time

oh ya.. I still haven't got my paperwork from my friend. that's the thing, I asked her to refer me a person lol.. guess she felt obligated to offer herself.. and I felt obligated to accept the help now we are both stuck HAHAHAHHA

oooh I like that! very smooth! ya I also dropped hints like, when you get this done, let me take you out to dinner... as a thanks. Hopefully this get done soon.

@DianneN no, she's gone for the whole weekend.. ah well its nice and sunny outside, so can't blame her

@Drosophila So, is it done yet? I like your comments, too.

@just4him apparently it wont take long

ya, I think I'll ask nicely, like "do you think it will take a long time?" stuff like this

@Drosophila Good idea.

Wow did she get in touch via messages or anything?

@CRK109 I have dropped off talking to a friend for a month before, but that's because I had some serious issues to deal with. And I just had to get on with it. When I do eventually did get in touch some 1.5 month later they were pretty unresponsive. I wonder if it's possible the same thing happen to your friend.

@Drosophila Nope. Made me feel completely forgotten. Now I wonder if she felt obligated to help me because she knew I didn't have anyone else. I'm so grateful for the help she gave to me, but I never want to feel I forced someone to help.

aww that's kind of you :D

@fishtiger58 awww that is very sweet

@Drosophila We have been friends for 50 years and I love her and would do anything for her.

@mavlana that is good to hear :D

its good to receive and ask for help sometimes, it's strengthens a relationshp

@Drosophila May be, but I never asked still our relations are very strong.

I have friends who enjoy helping each other and get helps from people. I just get too impatient waiting around for help to come along.

Indeed, some friends are like that, they will say "remember the time I did xyz for you.."

Good call! I have even offered to buy dinner as a thanks! tbh, I really shoulda paid!

Indeed, I will be taking her out to dinner once this is done. Just to say thanks, and still try to her to recommend me 1.

Decorations only xD

@sol_cee I still do Xmas traditions :D

@Drosophila like Christmas tradition. lol

you have a great point, people need each other even for information exchange. Its good when we occasionally gets a glimpse into another person's life which is totally different from mine. It really broadens up my horizon somewhat a lot. You're also right, outspoken and straightforwardness can help to navigate difficult conversations

ya no other recourse really

@Drosophila :)