I DON'T want a solution! I just want you to LISTEN!
By Wendy789
@Drosophila (16571)
Ireland
May 18, 2016 3:44pm CST
" I DON'T want a solution! I just want you to LISTEN!"
An acquaintance of mine said to me rather impatiently!
We met up for lunch and all she did was moaning about her job.
I put on my "problem-solver" cap and tried to give her some solution for these very straight forward issues.
That's when I got this line. So for the remainder of the lunch, I was rather quiet.
Not because I was paying attention to her woes.
But I was pondering, whether it was a good idea to offer a solution at all.
Maybe that's what most people wanted, to get whatever is it off their chest.
And all you had to do, is sit there and think about England!
What's your thoughts on this? Solutions are WELCOMED!
18 people like this
21 responses
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
@just4him indeed, it was a pretty grouchy lunch. Too much negativity is not good
4 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
@vandana7 I don't know if there is, but if you meet up with someone for lunch and all you get is an earful of whining, it doesn't make the experience enjoyable for sure
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
@jaboUK ya! I should resist the temptation of offering to help. Some folks coping mechanism is always vent and then put up with it.
Then vent... Then put up with it. Then they wonder why they are so unhappy
3 people like this
@vandana7 (100302)
• India
19 May 16
@Drosophila ... Sometimes we all feel relieved when we vent...overdoing makes us feel depressed of course...but venting helps I suppose.
Putting up with may be because she has no choice...or believes there is no choice.
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72281)
• Philippines
19 May 16
When people say, could please give me an advise? That's when I do give an advise. But when they're just ranting, I just listen. Because I know most people just want to air out their frustrations and their problems and not hear a single thing of what they should do to straighten out their life. A good listener is a better friend.
3 people like this
@toniganzon (72281)
• Philippines
19 May 16
@Drosophila 
You can do what i do. Listen with your right ear and let it out of your left. Good luck!
You can do what i do. Listen with your right ear and let it out of your left. Good luck!2 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
@toniganzon yep! I should learn to sit back and think about England xD
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
Indeed! I've been listening to the same rant for like months now. What's another few months?? xD
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (340216)
• Rockingham, Australia
19 May 16
I think, for some people, verbalising their problems, helps them arrive at their own solutions. I always feel I can come with great solutions but mostly the person has some reservations so I try to keep quiet too or try to tease out the problem more and encourage to think around it.
3 people like this
@hereandthere (45645)
• Philippines
19 May 16
i do that, too. i just ask questions because sometimes i don't know the solution, either.
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
@JudyEv I agree. tbh if something bothered me that much, I'd take more actions to sort it, than just venting.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (340216)
• Rockingham, Australia
19 May 16
@hereandthere Asking questions is a good idea I think.
1 person likes this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
18 May 16
Remember that feedback post? The friend doesn't want it now. Sometimes people just want to vent. That doesn't necessarily means that they don't like whatever they are venting about.
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
ya, I wasn't giving her any feedbacks though. I was trying to help her to solve some simple issues, evidentially she didn't need the help
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
@Daljinder well, tbh it's none of my biswax, whether someone deal with their problems or not. But, if they choose to go on about it every time you meet and for months...
Surely it's not outrageous to expect the other person to offer some solutions.
Maybe they just needed an emotional garbage can? Where they can dump all their negativity at.. Mmm I might have to seriously consider whether that's a role I want to play lol
2 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
19 May 16
@Drosophila Some people are fed up listening to solutions that mostly fail (for them at least) that it actually irritates them.
Actually don't be direct in offering solutions. Be subtle about it. lol It will be better recieved.
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
Amen! That is something I definitely admire. We are all so busy these days for sure
2 people like this
@vandana7 (100302)
• India
19 May 16
Depends on many factors.
If she is not able to hit upon a simple solution, chances are there are other problems boggling her down or is unaware of some technological or other information.
There is also the probability that there are compulsions that she cannot or has not revealed to you.
Easiest would be to volunteer solution when asked. But I do understand your predicament because I have been there and done that. lol.
The other way would be to say "I am not smart of course, but in your shoes, I would have done this".
I have noticed that works even if the friend is in the predicament because of her ego.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (100302)
• India
19 May 16
@Drosophila ... I am also like that...lol Learn some things with experience..
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
@vandana7 ya! But I guess she just secretly enjoys the problems maybe lol
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
Ya! You have a good point, I don't know the back stories. Ultimately, am in the school of thought, if something bothers me to that extent, I'd take action.
Then I can emotionally, mentally and physically move onto the next whatever
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
Well I don't know, we shall see. I mean her problems are not complicated, but I guess whether she is willing to deal with it or not is another thing.
Some people can rant and rant, but never take any actions
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
Lol ya! I should be grateful she didn't deck me one. :)
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
@Daljinder indeed! Not being beaten up is always good :)
2 people like this
@Daljinder (23236)
• Bangalore, India
19 May 16
@Drosophila There is always a positive side to everything as "they" say. I don't know who that "they" is.... 
2 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137259)
• United States
22 May 16
I get that response all the time from Pretty! She doesn't WANT my help fixing something, she just wants me to listen while she whines and gripes for a little while. She KNOWS I like to FIX problems, not just listen about them, but she insists she can handle it by herself if I just let her do it herself. ALL she wants from me is for me to nod my head at the right times and leave her to fix the problems herself!
Uhhh... except she DOES want me to step in when she can't figure it out, after all! SMH! How I am supposed to know if she wants me to fix the problem or listen? She wouldn't answer that question!
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (137259)
• United States
23 May 16
@Drosophila Hmmm... that might work with Pretty! I am fairly sure it won't with any other female, though. (I could be wrong, but I am pretty sure I'm not.)
Thank you!
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
22 May 16
hahaha.. I guess at the beginning of the whine, you can ask.. do you want me to just listen..
or do you want some solutions. they should then tell ya. :p
1 person likes this
@nanette64 (20364)
• Fairfield, Texas
19 May 16
It does sound like she just wanted to 'vent' @Drosophila . With those kinda folks, you let 'em rant and then when they're done, IF they ask, "What should I do?" Then maybe give them a solution. If you weren't listening to their rant and they ask you that question, you can say, "Geez, I don't know."
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
true! I just hope they won't ask me, "whats the last thing I said.."
2 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
21 May 16
@nanette64 lol.. luckily they only reserve these type of quizzes to their poor significant others
2 people like this
@nanette64 (20364)
• Fairfield, Texas
21 May 16
@Drosophila That would definitely be an "Oops".
2 people like this
@NJChicaa (119647)
• United States
18 May 16
I say that sometimes to my husband because he is always trying to solve my work issues when I'm upset. All I want is for him to just be sympathetic and understanding and he launches into problem solver mode and never just acts kind and understanding.
3 people like this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
Hahhaa! Yes I have been told I react to problems like a man. I get really practical and focus on solutions at hand. I guess my thinking is, once this is sorted then we are all happier
2 people like this
@sepatuboot (75)
•
19 May 16
its often happened to me. sometimes they had solution but need friend to talk about it, not knowing where to start for asking help or just too stubborn when comes with the solutions :D
Keep patient and always be there for her :)
2 people like this
@slund2041 (3314)
• United States
19 May 16
I find it to be so helpful just to be able to openly vent my problems. Sometimes, I am not looking for advice, just need to dump my problems. The weight I am carrying around with all the problems I have is so heavy and I need a dumping ground.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
29 May 16
ya I find that's the role I end up playing.. emotional dumping ground.
am not entirely sure am fit for the job to be honest. :)
@Orson_Kart (6775)
• United Kingdom
19 May 16
People are never happier than when they've got something to moan about.
1 person likes this
@Orson_Kart (6775)
• United Kingdom
20 May 16
@Drosophila Exactly. But some moan too much and I don't think you're one of those gals. 
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
Ain't that true :D
Now am moaning about someone else moaning hahahah
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
20 May 16
@Orson_Kart hahaha well wouldnt you like to know xD
1 person likes this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
19 May 16
@Drosophila , as much as it pains me to say this...I think she just wanted to vent. I know, right? But, yeah, I've had lunches like that and sat thinking of South Africa...
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
ya! indeed! lol.. though I do wish she could vent about something else in our next lunch..
it would be great if we at least see some variation to the whining xD
Or maybe I just should reduce the lunches to a coffee :p
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
@bluesa true! and if then she gets a bite with the coffee.. could be an hour or two :D
1 person likes this
@bluesa (15022)
• Johannesburg, South Africa
19 May 16
@Drosophila , haha! That's not a bad idea! Unless she sips coffee, then that could be a problem...Agreed on variation 
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
29 May 16
Indeed..I met up with her for a coffee this week instead, as I wasn't sure I wanted to keep hearing her go on about it for an entire lunch.
apparently she's going to look for a new job, so we shall see.
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
29 May 16
@boiboing indeed! I don't mind it if its somethings fun! But when you're spending nearly 60min listening to someone whine it's a bit much
@boiboing (13153)
• Northampton, England
29 May 16
@Drosophila Some people just need to be the centre of attention.
1 person likes this
@HebrewGreekStudies (1646)
• Canada
31 May 16
Most of the time that is what ppl want from me-a lot of ppl don't want a solution (in reality, solutions are a dime a dozen!)...as time can allow, that is what I will give in I can...but still, will attempt to provide insight-it's not always wanted, but...ppl who know me know that I can be, well, I'm very compassionate, but compassion is not always nice.
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
31 May 16
indeed solutions are a dime to a dozen to most issues! hence, we pray "grant me the courage to change the things I can change.." So that I may be reasonably happy in this life...
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 May 16
yep, except this is the only thing I hear about ever :D
1 person likes this
