A Family Scapegoat Wakes Up

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The email she'd sent was the looming elephant in the room. And none of us had to be in the same room together for it to be present. It was an exploding point of many things boiling under the surface. She knew now they love to use that to blame and point fingers at her for all the problems that exist in the family dynamics. In their minds it was all her fault. If she wasn’t depressed, if she’d just get out of the past. If she’d just keep her mouth shut. If she’d just go back to sleep… If she went back to sleep they could all continue to use her as their scapegoat. But maybe if she’d stayed quiet and went along and believed, thought and felt the way they all do and did, she wouldn’t be their scapegoat. What would they have to blame her for? Just the fact that the family HAS a scapegoat should give it away that they are ALL a mess, not just her. Normal families don’t have scapegoats. Normal people don’t find it fun to manipulate, triangulate, take advantage of and abuse ONE family member. If they cared about their scapegoat she wouldn’t be the scapegoat. If they loved the scapegoat and she did indeed find the courage to express herself feeling like a scapegoat, they would not wave away and invalidate her feelings as ridiculous, then proceed to tear apart her character once again. She's aware of the egg shells surrounding her. But they’ve got plenty that she tip-toes around too. The difference is they don’t apologize for or acknowledge their blow-ups or any wrong-doing for that matter the way she does. She’s expected to own all the mistakes, arguments and all the egg shells too. In their mind it is she that is always the selfish one. She is the one that should be sacrificing. She is the one who is expected to do whatever they want or need exactly when they want or need it, do things on THEIR terms. As much as she has tried to discuss the dysfunction and toxicity, none of them want to listen or take their share of the responsibility. If she is hurt she is expected to absorb it. How dare she address it? "Suck it up!" they say, "Grow thicker skin...make the choice to be happy." Making the choice to be happy, she walked away forever.