Feel the Codependent Anxiety and Say "No" Anyway

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Today at my last stop for the day, I pulled up into the client's driveway anticipating and looking forward to my freedom for the next couple days. But then I noticed a truck already there. Oh no! Not a landscaper! I cannot stand the loud noises of lawn mowers and even worse, weed wackers. Not to mention the flying debris that comes with running those things. But it wasn't a landscaper. Actually it was worse. The truck belonged to a company that sprays people's properties for mosquitoes. I got out to go look and see how the guy was spraying and what he was wearing. I wanted to assess whether it would be OK/safe for me to go into the yard. Nope! This guy was wearing a gas mask while he sprayed the trees along the perimeter of the yard. No way was I going in there. I got back in my car and called my boss to let her know what was going on and to also inform her that there was no way I was entering the yard. I had to explain twice because I was pretty anxious about explaining things and the fact I was refusing to do part of my job. She suggested/asked if maybe I wanted to wait til he was done and then go in. Nope! That stuff is toxic and those molecules would certainly still be floating around in the air for all to breathe. She was quiet for a moment, after I said no to her suggestion. I thought, "She didn't like that." But I didn't care. I was advocating for myself and taking care of me. My decision was final. I'm going back tomorrow to take care of the clean up of the yard, but my point here is that in the past, I would have hemmed and hawed about this. I would have been wishy-washy about her suggestion and likely even said yes. These are actions of a codependent and this is something I'm working on. And let me tell ya, there is no one better to practice not worrying what others think or what they will do than your boss. In the past I would've been too scared to get fired unless I said yes. I would've been too worried that she'd be angry with me if I didn't go ahead and do it. Not this time though. It's time I care more about myself in some situations than other people and this was one of those situations.