The Worst Day Of My Life.
By Jabo
@jaboUK (64354)
United Kingdom
July 18, 2016 10:27am CST
Today is the anniversary of the worst day of my life.
My husband and I were eagerly looking forward to the birth of our first child, and I'd gone 10 days past my due date.
It was such a shock when my baby was born dead.
I was a fit and healthy young woman, and had sailed through pregnancy with no problems whatsoever. The doctor said that there was no apparent reason for her death as she was perfectly formed, though me going that long overdue may have had something to do with it. She had been alive when I went into labour.
We were told that we could see our daughter if we wanted to, but they advised against it. We were so grief-stricken and confused that we went along with what the professionals recommended - a decision I've always regretted.
Nowadays they dress the baby, take photos, handprints, footprints, and bereaved parents are encouraged to hold the child, and I should think that gives them some sort of closure.
We were lucky in that we had two beautifully healthy babies after that, but we have never forgotten our first child. She would have been 49 today.
Photo is my flower in remembrance.
76 people like this
71 responses
@GardenGerty (160665)
• United States
18 Jul 16
Oh I am so sorry @jaboUK. It seems now that they do not let you go even a week over. The medical profession acknowledges that your baby was a living person. It sounds like the way it was handled could leave you feeling like you had a bad dream, instead of a baby.
7 people like this
@jillybean1222 (6407)
•
20 Jul 16
@jaboUK it's so hard to imagine how they did that, the not even letting you see your child. it seems so wrong, but i know it is how it was handled.
1 person likes this
@Hatley (163776)
• Garden Grove, California
18 Jul 16
That is so sad sorry, I had two children in 11 months, my second was born not breatning ittook them thirty minutes to revive her , thirty'
minutes tooloing born brain damaged. Our s pecial child was actually a delight , our love bug
as she loved everyone, a pretty little girl who m we weretolldwould be about ten years old mentally all her life. but sadly we only had
her 8 years and lost her to pneumonia.So we were lucky to have her that long.
5 people like this
@MarshaMusselman (38865)
• Midland, Michigan
19 Jul 16
Even back then, thirty minutes was a very long time, Patsie. Sorry for your loss as well. I do remember reading her name in the past.
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
18 Jul 16
I am so sorry for the loss of your little angel. I had 2 miscarriages and they were not easy at all. My last miscarriage was right before I got pregnant with Julian. I was pretty far along to miscarry so the doctors were shocked when it happened at 14 weeks along. I saw the babies limbs and it was awful. =( I will never forget my angels that were lost either, I know we will see them again one day. 
3 people like this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
18 Jul 16
@jaboUK It was hard but I cannot imagine what you went through since you were full term. =(
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
18 Jul 16
@LovingMyBabies Yes mothers never will forget their lost babies. I'm sorry that you lost two, that must have been hard.
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
18 Jul 16
@LovingMyBabies Yes it was hard, and what was also difficult was meeting aquaintances afterwards who cheerily asked whether I'd had a boy or a girl. You could see they wished the ground would open up and swallow them when I had to tell them what happened. I felt really bad for them.
1 person likes this
@jillybean1222 (6407)
•
20 Jul 16
I'm so sorry you have lost a child as well. It's a pain we will not ever forget.
2 people like this
@sunilparthan (6302)
• India
18 Jul 16
Hoo I am really sorry to hear that. My wife had abortion three months back and we are really sad about that. Really happy that after that you have got two gifts from God. Enjoy
2 people like this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
18 Jul 16
@sunilparthan Thank you, and I'm so sorry that you lost a baby too. As you say, we have two wonderful children who have grown into fine adults, so we are lucky.
2 people like this
@sunilparthan (6302)
• India
18 Jul 16
@jaboUK that is really cool to know. have a good day always. enjoy.
2 people like this
@marsha32 (6631)
• United States
18 Jul 16
That is so sad and devastating. It's a worry that is always there. I'm just one year older at age 50.
My daughter had Allen very young at just 15 years old. She had 2 miscarriages after that. I was in shock and couldn't help but think that God must have allowed her to get pregnant so young because she wasn't going to be able to carry any others. That didn't end up being the case since she had 4 more after that---all of which are here at my house now.
3 people like this
@koopharper (7601)
• Canada
18 Jul 16
That is so sad. I was surprised when my mom told me she had miscarried twice. She carried that around with her as a secret. I would have never known except she got really worried when my wife had some minor problems during one of her pregnancies. She feared for our baby and then quietly told me.
3 people like this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
18 Jul 16
@koopharper I can understand your mother keeping quiet - I would never mention my experience to young women, especially pregnant ones.
@BelleStarr (61102)
• United States
18 Jul 16
I am sending you a hug. I think you and I have discussed this before. I lost my second son Daniel, on January 17, 1970 and I mourn his passing to this day. he was also a day overdue and stillborn. I didn't get to see him either and it haunts me to this day.I had two more healthy births and one miscarriage. It all seems so long ago and yet like yesterday. Mother's never forget.
2 people like this
@BelleStarr (61102)
• United States
18 Jul 16
@jaboUK No, I would never have done that either, somehow that just seems wrong.
2 people like this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
18 Jul 16
@DianneN It was terrible going home from the hospital to a house that had been lovingly prepared to receive a baby. I was really grateful to my mother who cleared all the baby equipment away into a spare room.
Anyway - they were used less than 2 years later for my son.
2 people like this
@HazySue (39268)
• Gouverneur, New York
18 Jul 16
@jaboUK how awful for you and your husband. I am so sorry. It is a terrible pain that no one should have to go through. My first baby was still born. I like you, chose not to see her. I have always been sorry I didn't. Years later I am still wondering what she looked like.
3 people like this
@VivaLaDani13 (60794)
• Perth, Australia
23 Sep 16
@jaboUK I am so sorry. I don't know what to say. I don't want to say anything stupid or like I sound naive. I've just never been through anything like that but I am so terribly sorry you and your husband had to go through it. :(
2 people like this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
23 Sep 16
@VivaLaDani13 Thanks Dani - it's a long time ago.
2 people like this
@ANewGeneration (261)
• United States
18 Jul 16
God bless you! I cannot imagine how it feels. Stay strong for her. I am sure she loves you very much
2 people like this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
18 Jul 16
@ANewGeneration Thank you for your kind words, I appreciate them.
1 person likes this
@arthurchappell (44998)
• Preston, England
19 Jul 16
such a sad story - my mum suffered two miscarriages before I was born
2 people like this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
19 Jul 16
@arthurchappell I'm sorry your mum suffered like that Arthur, it's distressing to lose them at any stage.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45494)
• United States
19 Jul 16
My husband and his former wife (deceased) lost their first child and he's told me stories about that. I'm sure she is in heaven and looking down on you two.
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
19 Jul 16
@AbbyGreenhill When this happened to me the statistics were that 1 in every 1000 births resulted in a stillbirth, so it's not that uncommon - that's borne out by the commenters here, and indeed by your husband's experience.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45494)
• United States
19 Jul 16
@jaboUK Do you know what the stats are in today? I'm wondering if the number is lower now.
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
19 Jul 16
@AbbyGreenhill No I don't - I would think it's considerably less as there have been a lot of advancements. For instance we didn't even have scans then, which would probably pick up signs that the baby was in trouble.
@Poppylicious (11133)
•
19 Jul 16
So sad. I can't even begin to imagine how it must feel to experience this, or the pain of having to explain it to other people.
2 people like this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
19 Jul 16
@Poppylicious I actually found the sympathy and pity hard to bear, and people don't know what to say to you. That's understandable.
1 person likes this
