I Have No Purpose
@just4him (317022)
Green Bay, Wisconsin
September 16, 2016 5:53pm CST
Okay, don't get me wrong, I know the direction my life is supposed to go and where I'm headed. However, with my son having his own vehicle now, I feel like I have no purpose as a mother or anything now. All my usefulness feels dead.
I got up this morning, late, my own fault, and got to the pool shortly after seven, did my thing for a couple hours and came home. I've done some work here, interacting with all of you, but I feel like my life is suddenly meaningless.
The only thing I have to do is finish unpacking, but that's on hold today as I really overdid it yesterday and my whole rib cage on my left side is hurting bad. It's been hurting for a couple weeks now, but I've been controlling the pain with Ibuprofen. Working out in the water this morning was a challenge, but I did it. I also got some of the boxes out to the dumpster earlier, though that was a teeth biting situation as my ribs protested greatly.
I also took a nap, why? I was tired, falling asleep on the keyboard, so a power nap was in order and watched a couple episodes of Once Upon a Time, getting the story firm in my head for its return on the 25th.
Now I'm back and I wonder what I have to look forward to now. I have no one to interact with physically. My son is completely on his own now with no need for my help anymore. I truly have an empty nest and don't even have a significant other to share it with. I'm finding I really don't like being this alone.
I really don't like the idea that I can do whatever I want, when I want. I don't have anyone to cook for but myself, and that's absolutely no fun. Though the spaghetti I made today with home made tomato sauce was different but good. Different because it doesn't taste like that canned stuff. I can get used to that. However, why cook when there's no one to cook for but myself? I have no one to talk to, or even argue with. No one. It almost feels like a prison, one of my own making. Called getting old and all the kids are on their own now.
I'm really looking forward to my trip next month, but that's a month away. So what do I do in the meantime?
Well, I should be able to get caught up faster on my notifications. I'm still way behind. Working on the September 12 notifications at the moment. We'll see how much I can accomplish today. I'll see how many of these 400+ notifications I can take care of.
Thanks for listening. I need to find something to do with this empty life of mine.
Thanks for reading.
31 people like this
33 responses
@Dena91 (16570)
• United States
17 Sep 16
God has a purpose for you. Are there any groups you can join at church? Are there any senior centers near you that you can go to? I know ours has things to do everyday, whether it is going for a cup of coffee or taking a day trip somewhere. Praying for you.
4 people like this
@marguicha (221452)
• Chile
17 Sep 16
It happens with all of us at one time or another. But we are capable of discovering a new meaning for our lives. You have the solace of religion and you like to write. Maybe you can find people from your church to invite as I do.
4 people like this
@just4him (317022)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
19 Sep 16
Yes, we are capable of finding new meaning. I've signed up for a couple events coming up at church, so I'm looking forward to that, and yes, I do have my writing. I need to get back to that.
@Bluedoll (16773)
• Canada
17 Sep 16
Right now you do have something to do. Unpack and get set up. By setup I mean install your firmware. Don't ask its a computer thing. What is with the getting boxes out of the dumpster thing? I didn't get that. Take breaks when you need them. Girl we need to talk.
3 people like this
@Bluedoll (16773)
• Canada
20 Sep 16
@just4him I'm sure you will get there and make the little adjustments like downsizing you cooking accessories. Don't worry about that crazy computer term it just means you have your basic things you need to function and then can go from there. I'm glad you are moved in and now can finally start living in your new place.
I wish I could move as a change of living arrangements might do me some good but I know just how hard it is getting settled again. Eventually you will adjust and find your happiness.
1 person likes this
@just4him (317022)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
19 Sep 16
@Bluedoll I took most of the empty unpacked boxes out to the dumpster. I was going to give them away to anyone needing them, but they were cluttering up my dining area so just got rid of them. I still have more to get rid of. Yes, I still have more unpacking to do, but I need to downsize first on what I really don't need in the kitchen, which is smaller than the one I had.
I've never heard of firmware, even though it is a computer thing.
Yes, it has been a long time since we talked.
@DominicHzd (68)
• Singapore, Singapore
17 Sep 16
@bluedoll Thats a good one. I seldom meet pp talking in such a unique yet intelligent manner.kudos
3 people like this
@just4him (317022)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
19 Sep 16
I'm going on my trip with my friend from Writer's Guild. Yesterday I signed up for small groups and a women's retreat, so hopefully I will get more active soon. It is an adjustment.
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
17 Sep 16
I have no doubt you will find something when you are ready to add social interactions and time with, since you have that time maybe more things like writers groups, free local classes, volunteering somewhere.
2 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23404)
• United Kingdom
17 Sep 16
You need to re think and think what you would like to do. Join an amateur dramatic group or choir, go to night school and study something new or take up pottery something interesting that you fancy doing. You will meet people there and perhaps strike up some friendships. Offer your help one day a week in a charity shop, take an interest in your garden. Become a samaritan there are millions who are lonely. See if there are any voluntary organisations that need help.
There is so much unhappiness in this world and you could help to prevent that by befriending an elderly person who may not see anyone for weeks on end. Your kids will want you one day, baby sitting etc so until that time comes don't think that your life is over.Perhaps a part time job might suit you?
Sit down make a list of what you would like to do. What things you are good at, be positive about yourself I am sure you have many wonderful skills you could utilise and stop being so hard on yourself.
2 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23404)
• United Kingdom
19 Sep 16
@just4him Well done you see you have made a great start. Don't put yourself down. You will be so proud of yourself.
1 person likes this
@annierose (21601)
• Philippines
17 Sep 16
Perhaps my mom feels the same way too.
I have realized I should never work during Saturdays again. It is because she feels bored having no one to talk too during the weekend.
Perhaps you should think of something that will make you enjoy life more. I have been not feeling good because of my job. I am thankful we have a Mylot where we can release our emotions especially when things are not working the way we want it to be.
I have realized I should never work during Saturdays again. It is because she feels bored having no one to talk too during the weekend.
Perhaps you should think of something that will make you enjoy life more. I have been not feeling good because of my job. I am thankful we have a Mylot where we can release our emotions especially when things are not working the way we want it to be.1 person likes this
@just4him (317022)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
23 Sep 16
@annierose I'm going great! My son hasn't abandoned me and I'm finding new outlets to get involved in.
1 person likes this
@simone10 (54187)
• Louisville, Kentucky
17 Sep 16
I remember that feeling when my kids were all gone. I was happy that they were out on their own and making a life and family but I hated being alone. I did it for quite a few years until I got sick and was unable to work. I then moved in with my brother and there still times when I get lonely while he is at work. That is one of the reasons I decided to go back to school.
1 person likes this
@just4him (317022)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
19 Sep 16
That's okay. It's just empty nest syndrome. I'm starting to get involved again in outside activities.
@RubyHawk (99405)
• Atlanta, Georgia
20 Sep 16
You must find hobbies and find what you enjoy doing. I felt kind of like you when mine all grew up and flew the coop, but I now have so many things I want to do, but don't have time for everything. Right now I have a quilt I would like to work on, lots of poetry I want to get in order. Two books my grandson has published that I can't find time to read. We also need to get the apartment ready for painting and new carpets. I'm always way behind.
1 person likes this
@responsiveme (22926)
• India
17 Sep 16
It'll take some time but you get busy on your writing and other things.
Mylotting is always there for you and us.
2 people like this
@Happy2BeMe (99380)
• Canada
17 Sep 16
When my children left home I felt the same way. Empty nest syndrome hit me hard. I felt like I had no purpose in life, for so long my kids were my everything. I had no idea what to do with my life alone. It takes time. This is a time to rediscover you. To find your purpose and to for the first time in a long time life your own life. It takes a long time to get use to and it hurts and you will feel incredible sadness but you will get through this.
2 people like this
@DominicHzd (68)
• Singapore, Singapore
17 Sep 16
perhaps its loneliness u r trying to cope with? well, that u had posted sound like a 'universal mothers code', and i believe u have done a good job as a mother.
The only thing that is impermanent is indeed change itself and i guess that after what u had done and completed in good grace, perhaps, the next thing comes back to youself again.
2 people like this
@just4him (317022)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
19 Sep 16
Yes, life is a circle, and it seems I've come full circle as they say.
@41CombedaleRoad (5952)
• Greece
27 Sep 16
You must treat this new experience as finding yourself, not as losing your son. It is not an easy thing to do when most of your life has been spent putting others first, but now gradually you will learn to enjoy yourself and perhaps a little of your loving nature can be spent on a lonely soul who is just waiting for someone like you to notice her. It is early days yet and you have much to look forward to.
1 person likes this
@just4him (317022)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
2 Oct 16
Yes I do and I'm starting to enjoy life again in a whole new way. My son didn't abandon me like I feared he would, so that is good. I've got a couple things lined up in the very near future - this weekend is the Women's Retreat from church. I'm really looking forward to that and getting to know the women of the church I've been going to for only a short time. Then I have a vacation coming up the middle of the month. I'm going with a friend to an island at the tip of Wisconsin I've never been to and looking forward to it very much. It's a three day get away with lots to see and do.
@PatZAnthony (14749)
• Charlotte, North Carolina
20 Sep 16
Have you thought about working or volunteering with those who really need extra hands? There are so many waiting and needing assistance. Maybe you could find your own new thing to get involved in.
1 person likes this
@just4him (317022)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
23 Sep 16
I'm starting to get involved at church right now. So that's a good thing.
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
17 Sep 16
I think we all feel that way sometimes! I usually find for ladies who's always been needed that when they are suddenly alone, they feel that way.
I think as a mother, though, I am not one, & don't plan to be one.. but I can speak from the prospect of a child, I always find comfort in knowing, that my ma is always there for me. Even though we don't live in the same country.
I guess your son feels the same way.. you will always have a special place in his heart
1 person likes this
@Drosophila (16571)
• Ireland
19 Sep 16
@just4him Indeed, think of it this way, you're now finally free to devote more of yourself to church and activities :D
1 person likes this
@just4him (317022)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
19 Sep 16
I started getting involved in church yesterday signing up for a small group that is starting soon and signing up for the women's retreat which will be in a couple weeks. I'm really looking forward to that. I'll start to get to know the people in the church I'm going to now and that will be a real blessing.
1 person likes this
@sueznewz2 (10409)
• Alicante, Spain
17 Sep 16
Sorry to hear you feeling like this.... is it just while you are in the house on your own...? ? Or generally...you may find that as you make new friends ect...your time will fill up again..., but if it doesn't. ..perhaps you could do some volunteer work at church or a day centre...or something... I hope you feelbetter soon...
1 person likes this
@sueznewz2 (10409)
• Alicante, Spain
19 Sep 16
@just4him good that'll get you started and you could make some more friends...you never know where it will lead you....
1 person likes this
@just4him (317022)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
19 Sep 16
I signed up for a small group getting started soon at church and a women's retreat, which sounds like a lot of fun. I hope you're able to find some new purpose too. Anything is a beginning. I know it's harder for you as you don't have ready transportation. Maybe there is something in your building - a recreation room where people gather.
1 person likes this
