Strange words at a kid's house yesterday!
By The Horse
@TheHorse (218463)
Walnut Creek, California
January 5, 2017 11:53am CST
Are there extreme contrasts in your life? There are in mine.
The very young kids I work with in Berkeley are the sons and daughters of upper middle-class parents. Many of them are post-docs at University of California at Berkeley, a prestigious institution.
But the older kids I work with in the afternoons are mostly from very poor backgrounds. The 8-year-old I went scootering with yesterday has a mom who is receiving public assistance, and a father who is in prison for murder.
As my activities were winding down with him yesterday, he took me into his bedroom to show me where he had put the little Christmas trees we had made a few weeks back. From the adjacent bedroom, where his mom's boyfriend was lying in the darkness, I heard the following words: "No, then they'll search you!" He was providing advice to someone about how not to get "busted" for something.
As I was walking to my car, I shook my head as I thought about how different his background is from those of the kids I'd worked with that very same morning. But I was also struck by a similarity: After showing me how to fly his remote control helicopter around his living room, the kid had given me an unexpected big hug.
Everyone just wants to be "heard."
Can you think of wacky contrasts in your life? Or wacky similarities/universals, for that matter?
20 people like this
20 responses
@celticeagle (166672)
• Boise, Idaho
5 Jan 17
Not really. I guess about the only contrast I see is the other tenants here where I live. We used all be US citizens. Now there are mostly people from Afghanistan, India, Africa, Iraq, etc. They all have sad stories to tell. One gal says she left Iraq a few months ago. Her younger brother had been killed. Bombs going off all around where they lived. Another young woman we met a few years ago and she started hanging out with us. On July 4th my grandson was lighting his fireworks. She heard the bang of the first few and started crying, cowering down and then ran off home screaming. We felt so bad. This is the contrast I face here. I don't know of any others as stark and shocking as this in my life.
4 people like this
@celticeagle (166672)
• Boise, Idaho
6 Jan 17
@TheHorse ......It is so sad. Something they will probably carry with them for years to come.
@fishtiger58 (29820)
• Momence, Illinois
5 Jan 17
It's a good question and one I will have to think on. My 2 sons are different as night and day. My oldest is a gentle soul and my youngest is more opinionated and sometimes critical of others.
3 people like this
@fishtiger58 (29820)
• Momence, Illinois
5 Jan 17
@TheHorse That is a pretty good example of extreme contrasts as well. Ok here is another one in the same vein, my older sister and mind you she in only 1 year and 1 day older than me, acts like my mom, she dresses like my mom, is a total square. Me on the other hand like my t shirts and jeans, will do guy things like help my hubby mow the lawn, and carry shingles up the ladder for him although only 2 or 3 at a time. My sister's kids call me the cool aunt lol. Her kids can also tell me jokes that I will laugh at and my sister will blush at lol.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (218463)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Jan 17
@fishtiger58 I wonder if those differences are "birth order" effects, or just something in the genes. My brother and I are one year apart and exact opposites in many ways. I love sports. He hates sports. I like math, science and music. He likes history, politics, and photography. He's a pessimist. I'm an optimist...and so on...
3 people like this
@1hopefulman (45120)
• Canada
6 Jan 17
From what you relate here, it seems that children in both groups are not given enough attention from their parents.
2 people like this
@1hopefulman (45120)
• Canada
7 Jan 17
@TheHorse Sorry! I misunderstood. With my bad memory I forgot exactly what you do. I thought you worked with kids that have problems.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (218463)
• Walnut Creek, California
7 Jan 17
@1hopefulman I work three jobs (other than music and woodworking). So my vocational life can be a bit confusing.
1 person likes this
@AbbyGreenhill (45494)
• United States
5 Jan 17
Hum, unfortunately, that is real life.
2 people like this
@AbbyGreenhill (45494)
• United States
5 Jan 17
@TheHorse There are some brats I know of that don't respond to anything.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (218463)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Jan 17
@AbbyGreenhill Do you know anything about their backgrounds? Once kids go totally feral, it can be hard to bring them back.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (218463)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Jan 17
What strikes me is how even boys from his background gravitate toward guys like me, who are "tough" and "athletic," but not mean. Boys do want to "run faster and jump higher," but actual mean-spiritrdness is learned, in most cases.
1 person likes this
@dragon54u (31634)
• United States
5 Jan 17
My granddaughter is a confident, outgoing 3 year old daredevil. My son, her dad, is soon going to marry a lovely woman (I'll call her Maria) with a son who is nearly 3. I'll call him Esteban. Maria and Esteban have lived with her family since his birth, a large and lively family who all live together in the same big house and includes her 7 siblings. My grandchild, let's call her Rachel, has been raised by me and my DIL, my son's soon to be ex-wife.
You would think that Esteban would be outgoing and boisterous but he is very shy and quiet. You would think that Rachel would be the shy one, living with her grandmother and mother even though we make sure she gets out a lot and has a lot of social contact with friends and family.
These contrasts are a mystery to me!
And you are right about everyone wanting to be heard. If we would spend more time on our children we would have to spend a LOT less time and police resources on young criminals. If we would nurture our children and be sure they know they are loved and valued, we could probably say goodbye to most juvenile crime. Why can't people see that and create social programs for that instead of "youth" programs that target already troubled teens?
2 people like this
@TheHorse (218463)
• Walnut Creek, California
5 Jan 17
Many parents are unable or unwilling to provide children with the love and guidance they need. When I worked for a program that worked, I worked with very young children, and I was basically "dad" to them. It's very labor-intensive!
1 person likes this
@Letranknight2015 (51938)
• Philippines
5 Jan 17
Not sure, but my nephews and niece were always playful here when their young but never hug me.
2 people like this
@Morleyhunt (21744)
• Canada
5 Jan 17
Children's vocabularies vary a great day, depending on what they are exposed to. My three year old could talk about things like coccidiosis (no she couldn't spell it) and synovitus. She could use the word auger in a sentence and know what she was talking about.
When another daughter was in hospital for surgery....her three year old room mate had a vocabulary that curled my hair.....every other word was an expletive.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (218463)
• Walnut Creek, California
7 Jan 17
Yep. I'll never forget the day in Oakland when a 3-year-old girl and I were stacking blocks in my office. She said, "Horse, you ain't nuthin' but a b-tch and a punk." I said, "Really, Sweetie? I thought I was a developmental psychologist." We returned to stacking blocks. Later in the day, she came into my office and said, "Horse, you ain't really a b-tch and a punk. My mama said that." I said, "I know, Sweetie. Do you want to build another building?" We did.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (339464)
• Rockingham, Australia
5 Jan 17
It doesn't really count but I remember being dressed to go out and remembering I hadn't given my pony his last feed so I trotted (pardon the pun) (or should that be tottered) down in my high heels to feed him. I'm sure his eyes widened when he saw me.
2 people like this
@Plethos (13581)
• United States
5 Jan 17
Kids just want to be kids. It's the environment they live in and how they deal with it that determines what kind of person they'll be. I do agree on the attention, depending on the quality of attention they get will influence them. Hopefully it's all good and positive.
2 people like this
@Plethos (13581)
• United States
6 Jan 17
@TheHorse - lol, that logic i see a lot. kid becomes confused as to what is allowed because of the lack of positive re-enforcement. the other thing i hate is when the kid is still young and is talked to like an adult, treated like an adult, asked to do things of an adult, so when the kid does kid things the parent gets mad? kid doesnt know if it should be an adult or a kid. an 8 year old kid should be a kid not a 30 year old in an 8 year old kids body.
@Jessicalynnt (50523)
• Centralia, Missouri
7 Jan 17
kids, no matter their backgrounds pretty much want the same things.
@RasmaSandra (79648)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
5 Jan 17
Actually you reminded me of when I was little. I wanted to be hugged and loved by my parents and anyone else who could be close. I was never comfortable being totally alone and in a way I think these children from poor backgrounds fell like they are alone. There is no on to really turn to while the children who have it good always have someone close-by but don't really appreciate that fact.
2 people like this
@JamesHxstatic (29413)
• Eugene, Oregon
7 Jan 17
One woman I work with is a puzzle to me, though her story is not unique. Her husband has had three DUIL convictions, lost his driver's license, has to serve weekend time on a road crew or go to jail, can't hold a job, is abusive to her, worries daily that the Muslims are taking over the US and yet she sticks around. She is bright and hard working, but also came from an abusive background growing up. It just doesn't make sense that women stay with men like that.
@DeborahDiane (40288)
• Laguna Woods, California
6 Jan 17
@TheHorse - I worked for ten years with special ed kids in Irvine, a very affluent community. However, some families there live in over-crowded apartments because they want their kids to be in a good school system. The contrast between the kids who are barely getting by and the kids who are off skiing in the winter and going to exotic islands in the summer was pretty dramatic.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (218463)
• Walnut Creek, California
7 Jan 17
@DeborahDiane That is indeed a horrible thing to tell a child.
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@DeborahDiane (40288)
• Laguna Woods, California
7 Jan 17
@TheHorse - I think both the affluent groups and the poorer ones had some kids who did well in school and some who did poorly. There are so many complications ... the importance the families put on education, the kid's intelligence and their willingness to work hard. I remember one very spoiled rich girl who did terrible in school. One day she said that her mom told her not to worry about her grades, because she would probably marry someone rich. I remember thinking that was an awful thing to tell a young girl. I raised four daughters and have three granddaughters in their teens and early twenties. I would never have said that to any of the young women in our family ... not even the one who was a successful model for a few years. Some parents never cease to amaze me.
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