Bad parenting rich people style!
By The Horse
@TheHorse (220267)
Walnut Creek, California
May 20, 2017 12:38pm CST
Sometimes I feel like an elitist jerk. A lot of the bad parenting I see is among the poor, probably because I work with poor kids who are struggling in school.
But on Thursday, out with a kid client from San Ramon, I got to see what I consider to be bad parenting rich people style.
San Ramon is a "newish" community full of rich people with "new money." You see a lot of Teslas and Mazeratis there. The schools are great.
While at the skater park, I saw a dad out with his 4-year-old boy. His kid was decked out with helmet and new bike, and his dad was teaching him to go up and down the skater ramps.
The trouble is: this kid was petrified. He just wanted to cycle with daddy. At 4, he didn't want to be the next great stunt cyclist.
"Never give up!" his dad roared. "OK," the kid said, his voice trembling.
When the kid finally wiped out, encouraged by his dad to go up a concrete hill that was much too steep for him, there were tears and whimpers, but no serious injury.
The dad tried to get him to do it again, but the scared child finally said "no," and daddy, big sister, and the little boy went off to cycle on the flats.
Does daddy not know he's going to turn out a kid who is afraid of him and who hates cycling? Have you ever been in that position--pressured by your parents to do something before you were developmentally ready?
16 people like this
17 responses
@paigea (36315)
• Canada
20 May 17
Wow, that is a bit much for 4.
My parents pushed me hard to do things but pretty much always for a useful purpose not to show off. They pushed me to ride a bike when I didn't really want to, but I sure was glad once I learned. Same with swimming, same with getting a driver's license, learning an instrument, etc. I was kind of a kid who would have never done anything without a push!
3 people like this
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
21 May 17
My parents didn't do that to me, nor did we do it to my boys, but I see it all the time, especially in sports, where parents push the kids into playing all the time, year round, and treating the sport as the most important thing in the world. I get disgusted when I see this. I know I shouldn't, but I take great pleasure in pointing out the low probability of making it into professional athletics when I teach probability in school.
2 people like this
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
22 May 17
@TheHorse I believe you are correct. My students and I used an app on the computer to flip a coin 500+ times. It came up heads 245 times and tails 255 times. They finally admitted that the toss before won't make any difference in the toss after.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (220267)
• Walnut Creek, California
21 May 17
Sounds like a good example. I think playing sports is positively associated with GPA at the high school level. But many of my young college students confide that they did it for their parents and were sick of it by the time they graduated high school.
@celticeagle (168327)
• Boise, Idaho
21 May 17
These types cannot see from little kid's eyes. They just don't get it. Rich people are high achievers who are cold and calculating and do what has to be done for the almighty dollar. Few of them have the caring and patience that it takes to be parents.
2 people like this
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
20 May 17
Oh that guys is the worst doing that, know what you mean.
I thank heavens I never had the kind of parent except for once my Dad threw me in the water lol
But yeah that pressure on kids because of parents pushing just to satisfy some 'standard' is not right at all.
Can break the child and make him into something scary when he grows up you know?
2 people like this
@just4him (317238)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
20 May 17
Yeah, I was forced to wash dishes when I was 6 and not tall enough to reach the sink. I hate washing dishes to this day! 
Okay, that might be true, but I agree with you about that kid. He will have a serious problem with bikes in the future and could very well be scared of his father as well who will always try to get him to do things he is not ready for. So sad.
Okay, that might be true, but I agree with you about that kid. He will have a serious problem with bikes in the future and could very well be scared of his father as well who will always try to get him to do things he is not ready for. So sad.2 people like this
@just4him (317238)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
22 May 17
@TheHorse True. My daughter had a Kindergarten teacher who was set to flunk her because she couldn't use her large muscles? She couldn't jump rope. She wasn't interested in jumping rope. She ended up in three different Kindergartens that year because my husband got out of the Navy and we ended up back in Wisconsin for a short while. The second Kindergarten she went to also focused on those muscles, but the third focused on reading. She took off like a rocket. The teacher saw no reason to flunk my daughter. She said my daughter would learn those muscle groups when she was ready. She did of course.
1 person likes this
@much2say (56075)
• Los Angeles, California
20 May 17
This reminds me of my daughter's friend - he is now 12 and we've known the family since kindergarten. The boy is quite book smart, but he just was never "athletic". The dad IS athletic and wants his son to enjoy sporty activities like he does, but the boy isn't interested. The dad says he is uncoordinated like his mother - and is fearful because of his grandmother - but he refuses to raise "a wimp" is his words. He makes his son try all these different sports, but well, maybe the son just doesn't care for it besides the fact that he is not particular athletic.
So a bunch of us went on a light hike, including them. There was a steep mountainside near a waterfall . . . some of the kids braved to climb it. My son who is 7 was a mountain goat giving some of the parents heart attacks . . . meanwhile the dad was disgusted that his own 12 year old was scooting his butt on the ground and rocks to get anywhere. He wanted to take my son cycling in the hill trails because he knows his son doesn't want to go. I just wish this dad would praise his son for his strengths rather than keep putting him down for his weaknesses.
2 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137602)
• United States
21 May 17
No, pony, I have never been pressured by my parents to do anything I wasn't ready and willing to do.
When I told them I wanted to try something, they supplied whatever I needed for it and they let me try. If I didn't like it or couldn't do it, mom or dad would ask if I really gave it 100%.
As long as I felt like I tried my best to do whatever it was, I told them so and the subject was not brought up again, unless/until I brought it up.
1 person likes this
@DaddyEvil (137602)
• United States
22 May 17
@TheHorse Same here, pony!
I started learning how to play the piano in the 2nd grade. I ask to drop the lessons in the 6th grade.
Mom still had our upright piano up until she passed away. When I went to visit her she would ask me to sit and play while we both sang.
@RasmaSandra (80784)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
20 May 17
Lucky me I can say no. That is terrible. Poor little kid and lucky he wasn't seriously injured.
2 people like this
@nanette64 (20364)
• Fairfield, Texas
21 May 17
Yeah, that Dad was a jerk for sure @TheHorse . My Dad made me swim 'across' the Missouri River when I was 11. Fast upper and under currents. I was tired at the half-way point but then saw a barge coming up river. Thinking of being sucked up under the barge and chewed up by the propellers gave me a little incentive. I literally crawled up the bank on the other side.
1 person likes this
@nanette64 (20364)
• Fairfield, Texas
22 May 17
@TheHorse Guts and Gumption is what I learned from my Dad. I was the oldest of 6 kids. Dad wanted a 'football' team (boys) and got a squad of girls instead. Regardless, I was considered 'his boy' so therefore I had to learn everything a boy would have done. I worked on cars, helped build a house, rode motorcycles, played basketball (state championship), learned karate and boxing, etc.
1 person likes this
@yukimori (10148)
• United States
5 Aug 17
We went through a situation that was kind of similar to this with our oldest several years ago. There's a slide at the playground at the zoological sanctuary we take the kids to where the kids have to climb up a small wooden wall to reach it. She did it once when she was about 3, then freaked out the next time she tried to go up it... and every time after that. Frustrated the heck out of my husband, but we just encouraged her and respected her comfort level rather than forcing the issue. It took her a few years to get over it, but she finally did on the first day we sent her to Zoo Camp at 5.
When it comes down to it, I'd rather have a kid who trusts us and knows that we'll support her than anything else. I was that kid who had parents who put their wants above my needs. I have no desire to repeat that mistake with my own kids.
@VyckyT (64)
•
22 May 17
It's sad to be pressured at such a young age just for the sake of showing up, but I think, from personal experiences, that not pressuring kids is also wrong from parents.
I remember back when I was that age, I wanted ballet and painting lessons. What did my parents do about it? Absolutely nothing. And I understand now, money was a bit tight and lessons are expensive, but there must always be a way when it comes to your kids' development.
A healthy pressure can do great things to a kid
1 person likes this
