Behind every addict is someone that loves them

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Ya know, it's funny yesterday I was so upset that my brother was going to be staying here because I was worried about his behavior and what he'd do, but now I just wish he was here so I would know he's safe. Funny how that works. I often feel conflicted over my brother because I'm angry with him for letting it get this far but at the same time I'm just worried and I want him to get help and at least be somewhat like he was before. He was always my protector as a kid. He would never let my other brother hit me and he always looked out for me when he was around. We were never particularly close but he is my big brother and I just want him to get help and I want him to be safe. At least when he was in jail I knew he was safe. Now, I am terrified he has killed himself and that's terrifying. I hate that he probably thinks we have all abandoned him but he did put himself where he is. He took that first drink knowing that his dad was an alcoholic. He could have gotten help a long time ago but didn't think he needed it and here we are. It's so easy to form an opinion on addicts when you've never physically had to deal with one. It's not always cut and dry. You can think "well, they brought it upon themselves and they deserve what they get" and well, you'd be right but no one really stops to think about their family and how they feel. I know my brother is an alcoholic and I know he mostly brought this upon himself but I still want him alive and I want him to get help. At this point, I feel like there's no amount of help that's going to get through to him. If he hasn't killed himself then eventually this will kill him. That's a feeling I don't want anyone else to ever have to feel because it's not easy and that realization is a scary one. I know plenty of people go through this because addiction is on the rise, especially drug addicts. Alcohol is more socially acceptable but more people than not drink and they don't think it will become a problem until it does. I see everyone out bragging about getting wasted and all I can think of is my brother and how this exact behavior got him to where he is today. He probably went and found a drink and then killed himself, that's where my head is right now because he knows drinking is going to bring him more trouble but he can't stop himself despite knowing the consequences because he's just too far gone. I keep hoping he's going to show up, even if he's drunk at least I'd know he's alive and then I know he'll go to jail again. I found out they dropped all of the other charges against him except for the OVI. I'm so angry, I feel like the justice system is failing him and everyone else. I know my brother needs to pay but I hate that it's probably going to be with his life. I hate what this is doing to my mom and everyone else. My brother needs the kind of help he can't get from jail or from anyone else until he is ready but at the same time he needs to be somewhere in the meantime where he can't hurt himself or anyone else. My brother has completely ruined his future and he doesn't even really care or at least he hasn't shown that he does. The brother I know has been replaced by this man who looks like him but doesn't act like him. My brother before was always kind and considerate. He wouldn't leave without so much as a word and have everyone worrying. He cared about people. Right now he cares more about his next drink than those that love him. Alcohol comes before everyone and everything. He might love us but not enough. I hate that this is what it has come to. I hate that right now I am actually praying he gets picked up and sent back to jail because I'd know he's safe. I hate what this is doing to all of us. Addiction is more than just some worthless man who chose to have a drink. It's someone we all love who took a wrong turn and now he along with everyone else has to pay for it. He just did what a lot of people do, he started with a beer and eventually, it became more and more and now he's out of his mind. Behind every addict is a family member or friend that loves them. We always think about the addict and what they deserve but seldom do we think about their family member and what they deserve. Just because my brother brought this upon himself doesn't mean I want him dead. I could handle him in jail or prison but death is another thing altogether.