Would you lend money to a friend in this situation?
By Manandezo
@manandezo (655)
Petropolis, Brazil
July 19, 2017 8:49am CST
Alright, here is the case: yesterday a friend of mine that I don't see for three years called and asked for some money she needed to pay her rent. But it was like this: "Hey, how are you? Can I ask you something? Can you lend me some money for my rent?" And she was waiting for the answer!
Yes, that is it! No conversation, no nothing! She only wanted the money and over.
I was a little confused why she asked me to lend her some money as we don't see each other for a long period of time. I know she works, and so does her mom and husband, but what got me curious was that she was like a high-speed train: called, asked, hung up!
My answer at that very moment would be "no", because I was so surprised and I needed to think and I had no time to do it. So I said: "what happened? why so much like that for the rent?" But there was no explanation, she thanked me and she hung up!
Now I am confused and worried. Maybe she is in trouble and I don't know.
What would you do in this situation? I really need to stop thinking about it and talking to you, my friends, will help me, I know. 
13 people like this
19 responses
@yukimori (10143)
• United States
19 Jul 17
@manandezo Yikes, that makes it even worse. Poor planning on someone else's part doesn't equal an emergency on yours...
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
19 Jul 17
@yukimori Also so much true! If we plan our lives carefully, I think all should do the same!
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
19 Jul 17
That is what I thought too. No explanation, no money. She did ask for a huge amount and that was also a big problem. Where does she live? Malibu? I have no money to pay that rent for sure!
3 people like this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
19 Jul 17
I will discover what is happening. Thank you @marlina, and no lending from me to her.
3 people like this
@topffer (42156)
• France
19 Jul 17
@manandezo I hope no, it would be something serious.
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
19 Jul 17
It was her, really. It was her voice on the phone, but now you rang a bell. Maybe she was forced to do it by someone else! I will really have to check!
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
19 Jul 17
@topffer Really very serious, but I will try and find out!
1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
19 Jul 17
Nope! She didn't even bother letting you speak and answer to her how are you! She wanted to get to the point. I wouldn't bother lending her money or even figuring out the problem.
1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
20 Jul 17
@manandezo If you think she connected a mutual friend you two may have you can ask about it
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
20 Jul 17
@infatuatedbby We do have mutual friends, that is what I was thinking as well.
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
20 Jul 17
I can understand that as well @infatuatedbby! I am a little worried, I can tell, and even not being asked how I was feeling, I still need to know what happened. Even if I don't call her, but call another person that will know about her. Let's see!
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (11116)
• Malaysia
19 Jul 17
I don't think you did anything wrong. I would be just as startled if a friend I haven't seen for that long suddenly contacted me with such a request. At least she could have explained things properly instead of hanging up just like that.
1 person likes this
@cahaya1983 (11116)
• Malaysia
20 Jul 17
@manandezo That could be possible, but maybe she could have sent a text message explaining it to you? I mean if she's worried that someone might be listening or anything. Did you try calling her back?
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
20 Jul 17
@cahaya1983 Unfortunately, I didn't call her yesterday, but I intend to do this until tomorrow and figure out what happened.
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
19 Jul 17
That is right! @topffer stated something that got me thinking: and if it was not her asking, but she was being forced to ask? I am now thinking of this possibility! =(
1 person likes this
@Rianne009 (187)
•
20 Jul 17
I don't think it is advisable to lend him money if you didn't see each other for a long time. I used to have a friend before who borrowed money from me. We are even working jn the same office. I lend her money but she didn't bother to return it. Everytime i ask for the money she just said she will pay me during payday but months passedby she still didn't give me any. Maybe because she is very confident that we are friends but i really hate it. Then, one time she's in need of money again and no one bother to lend her and she can't even talk to me and look at me. I told my other workmate that if she could only pay me little by little every payday then she can always come to oay to borrow money if she need it. But since she broke my trust to her. I already closed my door to her. We can talk but just work related but nothing personal.
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
20 Jul 17
I can understand that @Rianne009! That is an awful situation and we are always waiting for something to happen that is not going to happen and frustration comes and hits us hard. Unfortunately, friends tend to put friendships into risk and even lose it for a small amount of money, what is ridiculous, but they do.
@Rianne009 (187)
•
20 Jul 17
@manandezo yeah. Sometimes, you will know who your real friends are because of money. With money real attitude shows
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (179715)
• United States
20 Jul 17
It sounded like she was making a list of anyone who could possibly help her and you were on it. I wouldn't give it to her. She is obviously not interested in you as a person only in getting money, and would almost certainly be a repeat customer.
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
20 Jul 17
Humm, that is something that can be true: a list of people who can give her money. And I know people do that!
@Nawsheen (28643)
• Mauritius
20 Jul 17
@manandezo I hope so too. I asked the person several times but he is always giving me false excuses.
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
19 Jul 17
I hope you have it back, but I am sure you learned from this experience! Thank you so much for sharing! 
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
19 Jul 17
Oh goodness, I think it was rude the way she asked to begin with and I would need some explanation to help with her rent if it was me.
I hope you figure out what the best thing to do is, only you can decide.
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
19 Jul 17
That was also what I thought, @LovingMyBabies. She was a bit rude in firing the question right away. I didn't know what to do and that consumed me during the day. When I went to my Yoga class, I was still thinking about it and today this is killing me as I don't know what is happening. I should give her a call and see what is happening, but I also think she must consider being nice and polite in these situations, because it is a delicate one and maybe we don't have all that money to lend. 
1 person likes this
@LovingMyBabies (85288)
• Valdosta, Georgia
19 Jul 17
@manandezo Yeah I would call and talk to her about it. See what's going on and then decide what you want to do. =)
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
19 Jul 17
No I would not..but that is because there is no way for the person to pay you back. It would not be a loan but a gift.
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
19 Jul 17
@manandezo Yes usually that is the case. You are good hearted though.
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
19 Jul 17
Hummm, true! This always ends like this: our money being a gift not a loan. Sad but true!
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
19 Jul 17
Yes, I also think like you. All the time I lent money to people, I never got my money back, and when I asked for it, I was treated like an alien!
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130218)
• Israel
20 Jul 17
Maybe she tried everyone she knew who might help out and was nervous because after 3 years calling and asking could have been very hard. I am not excusing that the friend did not explain or why all of sudden you. for me it depends on how much and if I just lend the money with no strings attached if I am in a position to do that or if cannot I will say no. It also depends on how well lI know that person. I cannot say yes or no at this point. This was a very good post and something for people to think about.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130218)
• Israel
20 Jul 17
@manandezo
You are very right. I understand completely what you are saying.
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
20 Jul 17
Thank you so much @Hannihar for your contribution. In fact there are many variables and we have to ponder all of them, but unfortunately I think I would never have the money back. I am not wealthy and she knows that. All the money I do, is for my own use and not everyone else's. If I were wealthy, I would lend her, but I would also demand some explanation, beacuse this is not fair just because someone has the money one should keep asking and asking.
@spaceseed (2843)
• India
19 Jul 17
friends are friends ..............no harm in lending money if they are truthful
1 person likes this
@Rianne009 (187)
•
21 Jul 17
Yeah right. But friends are friends if they look for you not just for bad times but also for good times.
1 person likes this
@shikharava (1838)
•
19 Jul 17
Maybe she's in a huge trouble and doesn't want to share with you... Have happened to me once... I then called my friend and asked her everything.. She said to meet me and told me everything. And then I lent her what she asked... That's what I did..
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
20 Jul 17
Yes, I will have to call her as well and discover what happened!
1 person likes this
@shikharava (1838)
•
20 Jul 17
@manandezo Yeah, you should do that. Or you should go visit her...
1 person likes this
@fearjp (454)
•
19 Jul 17
I honestly would say no unless after a long time that person started talking to me again for another long period of time after a long time of not keeping touch with that person. Then I would see if their situation to needing money make sense or real excuse and know they will pay back. I lent money to a friend's dad but we've been good friends before then and still communicate with them and his dad did pay me back. To do it again though, I would have to think that they will probably just trying to get me to gain their trust so in the near future, they'll start making excuses and eventually won't pay back anymore. But they're friends for a long time and it was only that one time they asked.
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
20 Jul 17
Some good friends always pay back, but for me the practice of "asking for money" should be considered, because we are not banks, we are also people trying to live.
Thank you so much for the contribution @fearjp! =)
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
19 Jul 17
Thank you @dodo19! All the comments led me to this conclusion as well. Thank you so much for the support! =)
1 person likes this
@yukimori (10143)
• United States
19 Jul 17
Nope, not a chance. The relationship has faded away naturally and she suddenly calls out of the blue when she needs something? Talk about gutsy! It's not even about getting back in touch with you, but what you can give to her.
I don't lend money to friends as a rule, anyway. If we were closer, I might give it to her, but I'd consider it a gift if we were such good friends because I'd probably hate to lose the friendship over not being repaid. Otherwise, no, I can't afford to take money away from my family to support other adults.
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
20 Jul 17
That is also true, @yukimori. We also have to think about ourselves and family as well. Taking the money away can mean that we will have, at one point, ask for money as well. This is something terrible, but true!
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
19 Jul 17
Oh dear. I would have done the same thing, I think. It seems like she got in a tight place and was asking everyone she knows for help. It is a shame she wasn't closer friends - instead of just asking you for money. Maybe you are right -- maybe it isn't for rent but for some other trouble? If it bothers you - you could call her and ask why - after not being in touch for 3 years - she calls only to ask for money. You could ask why such a large amount, what happened, etc? Of course she may not tell you, but since she asked - I think it is alright to ask. If it is on your mind to help - maybe some non-money items? (Extra food items? Toiletries? ) But I don't think you have to - just if you want to
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
20 Jul 17
You are right @FayeHazel, I will try and discover what happened. I intend to do it until tomorrow, calling her or calling someone else to know what is happening. I am not feeling guilty anymore. Maybe this is a reason why she called me to ask for the money, maybe she knows about my feelings and the way I behave so she asked. I always feel guilty and I feel I have to help, but this time I was scared with the call, she is not around for three years and I don't have the amount of money she asked me. So, this time, I had to be strong and say no, but I am sad and I will discover what happened.
Thank you so much for your words! =)
@Krystler (71)
•
19 Jul 17
I was in the same situation a while back a friend of mines that we stop talking message me asking for 500 dollars he had recently lost his job and his apt and his car was messed and his baby momma didn't let him see there little girl because of his situation he didn't tell me this I saw it on Facebook when he would post about him looking for a job or when he misses his little girl I saw this before he even asked for the money so when he did ask I did hesitate it was a lot of money I had just started working but I know he really needed it so I said yes we still talk now here and there but I never got my money back even tho he said he would pay me back I feel like if they won't tell you much of anything then don't be scared to say no it's your money
1 person likes this
@manandezo (655)
• Petropolis, Brazil
19 Jul 17
Thank you for sharing part of your life with your friend, @Krystler. We always learn from it and what I can see is that we need to realize we all have to work hard for our money and, from all the comments here, saying no is not the end of the world.
Once again thank you so much for your visit! =)
