WHY can't people understand...
By Sandy
@velvet53 (22546)
Palisade, Colorado
July 19, 2017 9:02pm CST
I have a male friend that is a very nice man but I can't get him to understand things. I have explained to him numerous times that I have to treat my time during the day as a job. I am talking about taking care of my plants, writing, being on the internet, knitting and crocheting, among other things.
He gets over half what I get from Social Security, doesn't have to pay rent, doesn't own a car so doesn't have to pay for insurance and other things. I can't get him to understand that I have to keep busy to make a little extra.
He shows up all times of the day even though I have told him that I don't want to be disturbed. When he is here he is always looking for something to eat, looking at my mail, wanting a drink. It is getting annoying.
I don't want to get mad at him but I don't know what to do. Does anyone have suggestions on how I can deal with this?
10 people like this
10 responses
@andriaperry (118294)
• Anniston, Alabama
20 Jul 17
First, why do you give him your money? let him go work and make his own living and feed his own self, you are enabling him to be a bum.
4 people like this
@velvet53 (22546)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
@andriaperry Yes he is using me. I talked to a friend earlier who has known him for awhile. She said he is well known to use women. Guess what is going to happen tomorrow.
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (118294)
• Anniston, Alabama
20 Jul 17
@velvet53 Helping people is fine but he sounds like he is using you for a free ride. I maybe wrong but that is how I see it.
1 person likes this
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
20 Jul 17
Maybe it's not that he does not understand my guess is he is interpreting your signals wrongly, just tell him straight what you want, hope he is not violent or anything, how old is he if I may ask?
2 people like this
@velvet53 (22546)
• Palisade, Colorado
21 Jul 17
@louievill That came to an end today. I do believe that I got the point across loud and clear.
1 person likes this
@louievill (28851)
• Philippines
20 Jul 17
@velvet53 i was wondering how it got to the point where he became like part owner of your house and your income, something is not right, he's already taking advantage of your generosity
1 person likes this
@TiarasOceanView (70022)
• United States
20 Jul 17
Shape up or ship out I would say to him literally.
1 person likes this
Good luck.
@MarymargII (12422)
• Toronto, Ontario
20 Jul 17
Stick with your story but if he doesn't listen- you may have to let him go!
2 people like this
@MarymargII (12422)
• Toronto, Ontario
21 Jul 17
@velvet53 you can't have your day and your comfort level always ruined.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (22546)
• Palisade, Colorado
21 Jul 17
@MarymargII You are so right. I don't like someone watching over my shoulder while I am trying to write. I don't mind him coming over once in awhile but not every day and spending hours here.
1 person likes this
@ilocosboy (45156)
• Philippines
20 Jul 17
You have to tell him you are not comfortable with him and what he is doing. Tell him so he know what you feel
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (22546)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
@ilocosboy That makes sense. I don't mind helping someone out but when I start feeling used I have to put an end to it. Today it will happen.
1 person likes this
@ilocosboy (45156)
• Philippines
20 Jul 17
@velvet53 that man thinks its just of you every time he comes to your house, until you didn't put some force or strong words he will not stop.
1 person likes this
@TraciDavis (355)
• Mesa, Arizona
20 Jul 17
I think you need to sit down with him and tell him this. "I really enjoy having your company. But even though I may not have a "day job" I still have things I need to do. I need you to respect that. If you want to come hang out, just ask me first, and if I say that I'm busy, or not right now, then I will tell you the next time I can hang out. It's not that I don't want you around, but I do have to do these things so that I can make sure I have what I need."....or something along those lines. If he doesn't get it, and still comes over anyway, make a sign saying "Do NOT Disturb." Hang it outside, and don't answer the door. Sometimes you have to be a bit "cranky" to get it through people. I had to do that to my best friend. It sucked but now our friendship is still strong and she's doing much better at respecting my space and time, and when we do get together, it means more. I also suggest that you stop financing him. You have to take care of you. Good luck, and keep us updated.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (22546)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
You have some great ideas here and they will make it easier for me to talk with him. He doesn't work and really doesn't do much. He needs to get a hobby or something. He is used to going over to where he used to live and staying there for hours. When he left here last night that is where he went. I probably upset him when I refused to fix food. I had just ate before he got here.I had two friends in Pueblo that would come over and want to sit around for hours. I did tell them that I was working and couldn't have that anymore. I even put a sign on the door that let everyone know that I was working.
1 person likes this
@velvet53 (22546)
• Palisade, Colorado
20 Jul 17
@TraciDavis I think a hobby would help your husband and my friend. I am going to think on this today. Does your husband like to be outside?
1 person likes this
@TraciDavis (355)
• Mesa, Arizona
20 Jul 17
@velvet53 that's great! Maybe you could help him find a hobby. I'm trying to help my hubby find a hobby and it's tough but not impossible. Just gotta keep switching things up. He might also have a lack of confidence which is why he isn't working.
1 person likes this
@sumofalltears (3988)
• United States
11 Aug 17
Unless you know this person really well, you should lock your door during the day when you don't want to be disturbed. This person sounds like the sort that uses people and that is not very good.
1 person likes this
