LONGING FOR PRIVACY.
By Kandase
@Kandae11 (54999)
October 30, 2017 11:22am CST
Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you long for privacy - in your own home ?
well, years ago when I worked with the government I lived next door to a long time friend who was married to one of my colleagues.
Every evening after work, his friends would arrive at his home - and hang around until late at night - even later on weekends.
Whenever I visited - two , three or more of them were always there - eating, drinking , watching television, lounging by the pool - even sleeping.
My friend was not happy with the situation and confided that when she and her husband finally retire to bed at night she kind of expects a friend to pop out of the closet.
How would you feel if relatives or friends of your spouse are always underfoot - leaving little time for you to spend with the person you married? - I should add, the couple I am talking about here were newlyweds at the time.
My friend was not happy with the situation and confided that when she and her husband finally retire to bed at night she kind of expects a friend to pop out of the closet.
How would you feel if relatives or friends of your spouse are always underfoot - leaving little time for you to spend with the person you married? - I should add, the couple I am talking about here were newlyweds at the time.32 people like this
32 responses
@1hopefulman (45120)
• Canada
30 Oct 17
I wouldn't like that at all. I value my privacy and I like peace and quietness. I like people but not at any time and at any hour.
5 people like this
@ramapo17 (30441)
• Melbourne, Florida
6 Nov 17
You are exactly right @1hopefulman.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (79833)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
30 Oct 17
It is never good having someone underfoot and not giving a couple alone time. However there is also the other side of the coin like in my situation now. Since my husband passed on I have no one except my darling cat Sid and that can make for a rough time so now I would love it is there was someone always popping by.
3 people like this
@RasmaSandra (79833)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
30 Oct 17
@Kandae11 that was just it. In the early years we had people coming and going. Not really close friends but acquaintances dropping by. Then in the recent last years mostly there was just the two of us. So that makes it so much harder for me now that I am alone at least if those acquaintances were still around I wouldn't mind spending an evening or two listening to some stories.
3 people like this
@Kandae11 (54999)
•
30 Oct 17
@RasmaSandra I know you are planning to leave - but in the meantime isn't there a group or association which you could join?
1 person likes this
@andriaperry (116936)
• Anniston, Alabama
30 Oct 17
They thought it was old school days when everyone "hung out." I moved to get away from people.
4 people like this
@andriaperry (116936)
• Anniston, Alabama
30 Oct 17
@Kandae11 LOL, I would have, time to grow up MAN!
2 people like this
@Kandae11 (54999)
•
30 Oct 17
@andriaperry she was older than he was, by about nine years I think - could be the reason why she was so accommodating.
2 people like this
@cmoneyspinner (9219)
• Austin, Texas
31 Oct 17
Rude! I'm talking about the visitors. They were being rude! The couple needed to figure out how to stop that kind of "unwarranted and unwanted visitation AND invasion of privacy". I assume the visitors would at least knock on the door before entering. If so, I would have not answered the door. I'm sorry. That used to be the subtle way of telling a person their "company" was not wanted at that time. Just don't open the door and they'll go away. If they couldn't take a "hint" ... what kind of friends and relatives are they? 
What you describe sounds like people who are rude with bad manners!
What you describe sounds like people who are rude with bad manners!2 people like this
@cmoneyspinner (9219)
• Austin, Texas
31 Oct 17
@Kandae11 - So it was the husband's friends? That's even worse. He should've checked them and put them in their place as soon as they started. If he had any sense he would have realized they weren't his "friends".
2 people like this
@Kandae11 (54999)
•
31 Oct 17
@cmoneyspinner Yes, they were all his friends and probably because he is younger than she is, she was afraid of objecting too much.
2 people like this
@Kandae11 (54999)
•
31 Oct 17
What I saw is that they were selfish and took advantage of the situation because the guy liked having them around. They were well aware that his wife would have preferred some privacy - but they went ahead anyway. we lost touch when I moved overseas so I can't say if the marriage is still intact.
2 people like this
@LeaPea2417 (37351)
• Toccoa, Georgia
31 Oct 17
I would be upset. But, luckily that has not happened to my husband and I. I am very grateful.
2 people like this
@LeaPea2417 (37351)
• Toccoa, Georgia
1 Nov 17
@Kandae11 Glad you are not in that situation.
1 person likes this
@nanette64 (20364)
• Fairfield, Texas
31 Oct 17
Time for her to put a foot down @Kandae11 .
2 people like this
@nanette64 (20364)
• Fairfield, Texas
31 Oct 17
@Kandae11 Maybe she could get a bunch of girlfriends to do the same thing and beat the 'boys' to the house. On the other hand, that could turn out a little crazy too.
2 people like this
@Kandae11 (54999)
•
31 Oct 17
@nanette64 She might not want too many ladies around him either.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
30 Oct 17
Oh dear. I think that would be an issue, esp. for newlyweds.
But yes, in a different way I know what you mean. My dad is very like that and I lived at home for a very long time -- I often felt like not one minute could be left unaccounted for. He is very needy and intrusive.
"What are you doing? Pay attention to me. Listen to me. Help me." which are not bad requests except for he expects it 24/7.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
30 Oct 17
@Kandae11 Oh yes, I have often times wondered the cause of this extreme neediness. When requests were "Watch me when I nap" I had to turn him down.
In many ways I feel like I've always been the adult....
2 people like this
@Kandae11 (54999)
•
30 Oct 17
@FayeHazel That is extreme! Now wouldn't you have better things to do than -watch him when he takes a nap?.
1 person likes this
@YrNemo (20255)
•
3 Nov 17
@Kandae11 Or 1. he wants to show off to his friends that one needs not change with marriage. 2. show his new wife that 'this is how I live my life, don't try to change me! Take it or leave it!'
I read about some similar cases, the guys were sick of having his friends coming over all the time like that (don't forget, men are more selfish & blunt than us females, they don't care to be used!). However, they all wanted to let their new wives understand that 'what I say, go!'
Make any sense to you? They did that just for a short time. But guess in your friend's case, that goes on their whole long marriage?
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (61102)
• United States
31 Oct 17
I would have been honest and told the person that we need some time alone.
2 people like this
@Marilynda1225 (82778)
• United States
31 Oct 17
I wouldn't enjoy having people in my house all the time no matter how friendly we were.
2 people like this
@RichardMeister (5328)
• Otis Orchards, Washington
31 Oct 17
Sounds like her new husband liked his friends more than his new wife. I'd think it would be horrible for her if she expected one of his friends to step out of the closet once they had gone to bed.
2 people like this
@fishtiger58 (29820)
• Momence, Illinois
31 Oct 17
When my husband and I were first married he had one friend in particular who was always there. After some time it started to get on my nerves. I finally said something to my husband and he talked to his friend. His visits tamed down to about twice a week.
2 people like this
@fishtiger58 (29820)
• Momence, Illinois
31 Oct 17
@Kandae11 You would wouldn't you? I guess some people are just exceptionally dense lol.
2 people like this
