It's all about the money.
By Bhem
@JustBhem (70555)
Davao, Philippines
December 18, 2017 10:31am CST
As much as possible I don't want to argue when it comes to money matters because it will give us no good. But sometimes I have enough.
One time I ask the boyfriend about how are we going to buy stuff for our Christmas. I thought he didn't hear it so I ask him again. But instead of giving me answers, he said sarcastically - Why are you asking for money? And I was like in the middle of a hot seat and I don't know how to respond. I really don't know if he is having a bad day or not because when we left the house he was in a good mood.
So I told him, first of all - I did not ask for money because it's your money. If you don't want to do it then just tell me. And I thought we already agree about this and we've been doing this every Christmas. When he borrowed my money I did not ask for anything and supposedly I will buy it something for myself. But since he badly needs it, I gave it to him.
It hurts me until now. And I think I will have a sad Christmas.
What should I do? 
11 people like this
13 responses
@rina110383 (24492)
•
18 Dec 17
When I'm in a relationship or whenever there is a "prospective" relationship, I make it a point that money matters are settled even before the relationship starts. The guy has to agree that no one borrows money from the other and all expenses for dates are equally shared. It's my way of avoiding financial conflicts in the future.
I don't know how to advise you but if I'm in a position, I'll ask him to pay his debt so I could buy the thing/s needed for Christmas.
6 people like this
@JustBhem (70555)
• Davao, Philippines
18 Dec 17
How I wish I have that kind of thoughts before.
But we already agreed that what is mine is for him and what's for him is mine. So that means we need to share our money. And I really don't know this time. Maybe because he was thinking of our loan and that we need to pay them before the year ends.
4 people like this
@kobesbuddy (78871)
• East Tawas, Michigan
18 Dec 17
A lot of men are very possessive of their money. Women are more caring and willing to share. Men like to spend their money on themselves, women like to give gifts, to other people. Why don't you start making some handmade gifts? Others would be so happy to receive them, and you'd be happy to give them as gifts!
4 people like this
@kobesbuddy (78871)
• East Tawas, Michigan
18 Dec 17
@JustBhem And Christmas isn't about the gifts we buy. It's about our heart attitude, towards other! Love being poured out, on people we really care about:)
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (70555)
• Davao, Philippines
18 Dec 17
@kobesbuddy
This is very touching. Yes. I think we need to talk things out.
1 person likes this
@peachpurple (13961)
• Malaysia
18 Dec 17
He must had a bad day. Don't be so sad. Tell him that you thought he didn't hear you. If money is troubling him, tell him to discuss with you.
5 people like this
@KrauseHome (36447)
• United States
30 Dec 17
I would be thinking that the 2 of you take time to sit down together and discuss where this Relationship is heading or is it time to move on? Something is not sounding right when all of a sudden they are not interested in things being done for Christmas like before.
1 person likes this
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
18 Dec 17
It’s a hard position to be in. I’d always want to talk it out and find the root cause. But he could have been in a bad mood too? Not quite sure!
When my fiancé and I got in our relationship it was mutual from the start. Well minus the first couple months he kept paying but I decided to tell them I’m capable of paying as well.
Now, we have an joint account where we share our expenses together. We both set aside money to pay bills, go out, shopping, etc. It works out!
3 people like this
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
18 Dec 17
@JustBhem Yes, that's how we think of it as well. He may be caution with the loan if that is the case. You should talk to him about it - like the budget. See if it's bothering him and since every year you do this tradition of buying for the kids maybe buy some gifts and make goody bags as another gift to lower the cost.
2 people like this
@JustBhem (70555)
• Davao, Philippines
18 Dec 17
We already agreed with what he has is mine and what mine is his.
So that means, if I have money it is ours, and if he has money it is ours. And we never have issues about that because we always give each other. But recently is something and it bothers me.
I think he wants to save because of the loan we have.
2 people like this
@JustBhem (70555)
• Davao, Philippines
18 Dec 17
@infatuatedbby
I was thinking about it already. This time we are going to lessen our budget when it comes to buying gifts. But he never says anything to me about his plans so how would I know if it's okay with him.
2 people like this
@Courtlynn (67080)
• United States
18 Dec 17
My bf and I have had the same arguement. Ugh.
1 person likes this
@JustBhem (70555)
• Davao, Philippines
19 Dec 17
@Courtlynn
Do you think it will work that way?
1 person likes this
@stapllotik (1933)
• India
19 Dec 17
Try rephrasing the questions, like, what is our Christmas plans?
1 person likes this
@JWMURP (51)
•
19 Dec 17
I think cost of gifts is much too important, rather than the birth of Jesus. I am sorry for your difficulties.
