A Homeless Lady Came To My Gate…
By Gitara
@Gita17112016 (3611)
Trinidad And Tobago
January 29, 2018 4:35am CST
About 5 years ago, a homeless lady came to my gate with a baby (sometime) and two small children. I gave her $120.00TT ($20.00 US) to buy lunch food. She went to the parlour across the road and bought salt biscuits and a soft drink for about $3.00TT ($.50 US). I was not pleased with myself. I wish I had more money to give to her. I was upset that we had homeless people in my country. And I was sad that she was budgeting the money to last her a few days.
She came back 2 days later and I gave her $40.00TT ($6.60 US) Then she came back 2 days later and I gave her $10.00TT ($ 1.60 US). Two days later I just hid behind the curtains and pretended I was not home. She called and called but I just hid and watched. My heart hurt but I cannot afford to give money I did not have. I too have to survive.
I felt she had made me a target. Or was it just her helplessness just drove her to it? Our country has so many social programs to get help. And I just didn’t want to become involved further. The responsibility was too much.
Up to this day I am still ashamed of myself. What would you have done?
Credited: Picture taken from internet, free domain.
36 people like this
41 responses
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
29 Jan 18
Indeed. A solution is always a better choice than a plaster remedy. She was a mother of 3 children and it is unheard to see one walking the streets and begging house to house. My country has so much 'free' social programs and relief. Plus free education, free health care and free soup kitchens.
6 people like this
@thislittlepennyearns (62922)
• Defuniak Springs, Florida
30 Jan 18
@Gita17112016 We have tons of programs too, and there are still people that beg. Maybe she was afraid to go to a church, afraid that whoever she was running from would find her.
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90721)
• Philippines
30 Jan 18
@Gita17112016 See, your country has those free social programs, yet she chose to do the easy thing, begging from you,
1 person likes this
@WorDazza (15830)
• Manchester, England
29 Jan 18
It is a difficult situation but I think she was abusing your generosity.
There is a homeless man who begs near where my wife works and people were always giving him money and bringing him breakfast, lunch etc. A charity set him up with his own house and provided him with assistance to teach him how to pay bills and cook etc. as well as trying to help him get work.
Within a couple of weeks he was back at his spot begging. He admitted it was because it was just too easy to rely on other people's kindness.
Some people will never help themselves so I wouldn't feel too guilty. You did what you could at the time. And like you say, you also have to live!!
5 people like this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
29 Jan 18
Exactly. Thank you. I think you sum it up in a nutshell. My country is one of the most generous in the world in terms of Welfare programs that it is literally giving away money. Free house, free education, free healthcare, childcare, single parent, student assistance, old age, milk money, soup kitchens, and guaranteed jobs for those underprivileged. We also had a special 'tutor' for 'differently able student (deaf and semi blind) to attend normal school and reintegrate back into society...even a guaranteed government job when they graduate.
What was heart wrenching was that the children was out of school and she had a nursing babe. Truth be told I didn't want to hear her story. Abusive relationships tend to get really nasty. We have 'community police' just for dealing with such cases.
But the person must want help. And where were the children's father?
2 people like this
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
30 Jan 18
Thanks to you I now have an idea for my next career move.
2 people like this
@WorDazza (15830)
• Manchester, England
30 Jan 18
@Gita17112016 As the old saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink!! A person will only ever change when they want to change!!
2 people like this
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
29 Jan 18
There is no need to feel ashamed as you have helped her many times. We also have our own limitations at times. I too don't like such people who like to dig the wet land. Ihave stopped helping people when I realize that they are just happy to accept help and expecting more and more. I can't respect those kind of people. If we want to help, help the right person.
4 people like this
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
31 Jan 18
@Gita17112016 The right person never turn towards you again for seeking help. They try to live within the limitations rather than depending others.
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
30 Jan 18
So right. The taker doesn't realize how much of a strain they are becoming and the giver need to realize that nothing is ever enough. But how to figure out who is the right person?
1 person likes this
@Letranknight2015 (52079)
• Philippines
29 Jan 18
I don't think you should be ashamed of your self. You have contributed something but it's time to think about yourself. People like this will continue to abuse you if you keep entertaining them. I know life is hard but I don't think she will stop unless you stop.
3 people like this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
30 Jan 18
Yes, my thoughts exactly. After I hid and 30 minutes passed, she did not come again. I felt awful when I think of it, but a part of me was so relieved too. In an ideal world I would have reached out but I can't risk getting involved. I have my own life with my own problems to attend to.
@Alian123 (549)
• Philippines
29 Jan 18
I would have done the same thing, out of pity of course. But we all know that it's not the right thing to do always, you have to think of yourself too. If that beggar has the strength to do a job, then I might as well tell him/her to get one. You see, they might get dependent on you. It's okay to show mercy, just make sure to left something for yourself. And your a kind person, just don't let other people take advantage on that
3 people like this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
31 Jan 18
I always thought that if I could I would give charity to those less fortunate. I don't think she was in a position to get a job seeing that her children were so young (one was still nursing) and she was homeless. But, in hindsight, she could have access the free housing program that is available for single parents and the many other child welfare allowances available. Plus there were community police available (different from regular police). I just didn't think that far into the future. I was more concern to get myself out off the sticky sticky situation I found myself in.
And I did feel i was being taken advantage of. Talk about the boomerang effect.
@BabeSays (8575)
• Mauritius
29 Jan 18
She might be abusing on your hospitality. She knows that you will have mercy of her so she keeps returning every two days. Perhaps if you really want to help give her a little job around then pay her. That way she will know that if she works she will earn.
2 people like this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
29 Jan 18
@ Babes Say : It is a great suggestion but sorry I cannot give her a job. One I cannot invite strangers into my home. The crime is too high. Secondly, her youngest baby is about 6 months and the oldest is abot eight. If she works for me I'll have to take care of her children for her while she do so. No thanks. That's more trouble for me.
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
29 Jan 18
@Strawberry18 I think it is easy to say give someone a job, but do they want to work? I prefer to just give the money.
1 person likes this
@BabeSays (8575)
• Mauritius
30 Jan 18
@Gita17112016 Completely agree plus it might be dangerous as well. You never know what's in people's mind. They might win your trust and then stab your back.
1 person likes this
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
30 Jan 18
You seem like a very helpful, caring person and the world needs more people like you, and the poor lady's living conditions are probably so desperately deplorable that she's driven to beg. But, you also run the risk of fueling a bad habit there. As you've said, you have social programs. Maybe try and escalate this case to one of them and see how they can help her? Because this really shouldn't be a burden on your part.
2 people like this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
31 Jan 18
Thank you. You are right about the bad habit. But that's the risk you take when helping someone. I never saw her again. She wasn't from the area. I had hopes that the community police (whose job is to patrol the roads) came across her and assisted her. Also, if she truly wanted help. community police was stationed at every police station which can be located at 5 miles apart. There is hardly need for homelessness in Trinidad. Free houses are also given by government ...she just has to apply for it.
@Theresaaiza (10487)
• Australia
31 Jan 18
@Gita17112016 What a great place to live in! 
Which truly makes you wonder why she is stuck in that kind of living situation.
Which truly makes you wonder why she is stuck in that kind of living situation.
@Madshadi (8840)
• Brussels, Belgium
29 Jan 18
@Gita17112016 you did what you could
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
29 Jan 18
Yes, my intention was to at least give 1 good meal (I know that it is not a long term solution) but thank you. I felt ashamed that I turned my back on the children. She had 3 small children, surely she must have connection to some people...a husband, a boyfriend, the children's father.
1 person likes this
@cintol (11261)
• United States
29 Jan 18
She should have accepted your first gift and moved on, I am sure there was some where she could have gone for help especially with children in tow. You did a good thing but she became co-dependent on your generosity. It wasn't bad of you to hide, you might have gone out and just told her you had no more to give, but don't beat yourself up over it. You did what you could and it was time for her to find other ways. You are a good person
2 people like this
@cintol (11261)
• United States
31 Jan 18
@Gita17112016 Actually no, I have never had training, just life experiences. People do come to talk with me though when they need an ear so thank you.
I understand why you hid but you shouldn't be afraid, a lot of people don't help for those reasons. I am glad you helped her , my son was a lot like that and helping everyone he could. Doing a good deed for those in need is always nice but just don't let them make you their provider.
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
9 Feb 18
@cintol Words of wisdom. I think the main reason i don't get too involve is that I lack both the funds and resources. And having bad experiences. I am one of those people who 'no good deed goes unpunished' is common in my life!
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
30 Jan 18
Thank you Cindy. that was a clear and concise summing up of the matter. Have you thought of counselling others? I think you have the knack for it. Actually I think you have training. Am I right?
I think the part where I hid was because of the bad experiences I had of people respond with violence and abuse and sometimes disgusting things like spitting etc, I don't think I could have handles that.
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
31 Jan 18
True. But even giving the money was not conditional. I was okay however she used the money. It's just that it was a strain on me to give in the same month. If she had come back two or three months again I wouldn't have minded. That's how people do it here. They spend a week in one area begging then go to a different area so no one people feel the strain. And charity is still an act of kindness.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
29 Jan 18
Bless your kind soul.
I would not feel bad. You were already very generous with her.
You helped as much as you could... but I think you are right, after the first time of helping her, she probably did make you a target.
You must look after yourself, too... that is totally right.
Maybe next time you could tell her that you don't have the extra money to give out, but maybe give her some information on those programs for helping....?
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
31 Jan 18
@Gita17112016 Your country sounds lovely! Shame about the crime rate though....
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
31 Jan 18
Fortunately after that she never did show up and we did not see her in the neighborhood. There is a 90% chance she was helped by the community police and placed on some kind of welfare. It is very rare to see a mother and children begging. Our country is too rich and we have the most welfare any country has ever seen. Our government gives away every thing free. It is really a great country if it was not for the high criminal rate right now (2018).
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
30 Jan 18
Thank you. I hope so. I am one or those rare persons who 'no good deed go unpunished' is more realistic.
1 person likes this
@Lexibeby (425)
• Oakland, California
30 Jan 18
@Gita17112016 Exactly !! Keep looking for the best in people and Good will always Follow YOU !!! Good for you
@sw8sincere (5204)
• Philippines
29 Jan 18
Indeed she became dependent by keep on begging money from you. I presume she was healthy so I wonder why won't she work hard for her to earn money herself just like doing laundry and stuff like that and not to depend money from other people instead.
2 people like this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
31 Jan 18
I think Trinidad is not a place you can get work like that. No one will invite her into their homes or give her a job because of the very high crime rate. We just can't trust anyone. However the government provide job in programs just for single mothers and uneducated or unskilled people. Even learning a skill is free here...as well as free housing, food stamps, soup kitchen, welfare, childcare allowance, health care, free medicine for senior citizen, free education, free children's milk etc. We don't have people begging unless a recent incident caused the person to beg. Or the person just make the choice to beg.
But yes, she did become dependent. I had just thought my helping was going to be a one time thing.
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
31 Jan 18
That's the part that was so hard. i was fearful how she will react. Some people curse and pelt the house and threaten you and make a scene. It was easier to hide and pretend I wasn't home. I don't know if she was targeting... maybe it was the only help she was getting. I still think of the baby and the two other kids who looked most unhappy. What a rotten childhood they are having.
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
31 Jan 18
Exactly. Beggars here tell you how much they want and if you give them coins they pelt it away! I suspect just boldface-ness or mental health issues.
1 person likes this
@LeaPea2417 (37369)
• Toccoa, Georgia
29 Jan 18
I would have then taken her to the many charities we have in our town. We have a soup kitchen and a clothes closet and a home for the abused women,
2 people like this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
30 Jan 18
That is such a great idea. Except it didn't occur to me to do that . I was just happy to 'give' charity and go on with my own life. In my country help is not welcome if it is not asked. People can abuse you if you reach out to help. Even attack you. So, apart of being ashamed, I am fearful too.
We have a lot of social services but I don't really know where they are located. Except for the main office. I have never had to refer anyone before. In Indian culture, we take care of our blind, lame, sick and aged and mentally challenged. No one is placed in an institution unless a medical doctor order it. That's why it was strange to see this woman with her children and that's why I try to give monetary help.
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
30 Jan 18
Thank you. I think this blog has reminded me that she was not handicap. So it was okay to help to the extend that was in my power to do so. I don't regret that part.
1 person likes this
@Kandae11 (55131)
•
29 Jan 18
I would have prepared for her return (I know she would return) I would have looked up the addresses of welfare services and locations where there are soup kitchens, give her those addresses, a bit of money to get her through that day and inform her that I was in no position to offer her more help.
2 people like this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
30 Jan 18
This is great proactive thinking. Sadly it never occurred to me. I didn't mind offering her some money to buy food but I never thought beyond that. I just thought she was unfortunate and that poor woman to be walking the streets with children. It was so unusual to start with.
If she had asked me to help her get some welfare help I would have done so with speed. But I am afraid to tell someone to go to welfare. People here turn violent in a split second. And abusive. You learn the hard way not to interfere and even if I had asked about her situation she would have lied through her teeth.
I know it was shameful to hide behind my curtains but it was easier than having her pelt my house or peeing on my driveway. As it was she left without doing any of those things. The shame of being a coward still remains with me though.
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
31 Jan 18
Perhaps...but one who still has human compassion? Every time we reach out to help someone, we open ourselves to 'risks'. I supposed that's why it is called a 'sacrifice'...because we have something we could lose in the process. What says you? You have never done an act of kindness?
@Icydoll (36717)
• India
29 Jan 18
Friend helping nature should be there but for the people who have disabilities who can't work to survive themselves.even disable people are working hard to survive..but why this woman grabbing money without working .it's good nature of you.you need not feel ashamed here . everyone should survive
2 people like this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
30 Jan 18
Thank you for reminding me. I had forgotten about people with disabilities and can't work to survive. You are so right. I need not feel guilty. She was capable of helping herself and she should have been think of her children to make the effort. I do feel better now. For many years I have often wondered if I was wrong to turn away but I myself had reached my limit. I was not rich enough to burden myself with 4 other mouths to feed...especially as they were not related.
1 person likes this
