Until You Have Walked In The Other Man’s Shoes…
By Gitara
@Gita17112016 (3611)
Trinidad And Tobago
February 21, 2018 4:29am CST
Suicide is not the solution…
I grew up planting rice and cutting cane in terrible rainy weather and at 6 - 8 years we were given a drink of puncheon rum (very harsh and strong white rum) to help keep the cold away and huddle for warmth. It was a survival thing. We sought out dry coconuts and cracked them open to eat the jelly for lunch which we shared with our dogs who constantly accompanied us. At 35 years I was still in the rice paddy fields and cane fields doing back-breaking work because I still could not tell my father ‘no’. ‘Children’ are the ‘wealth’ of parents and could be used in pretty much any way (for labour). There was no perceived abuse…just survival.
I am 4th generation of indentured labourer’s that came to T&T. From our humble upbringing to the modern era, I became a highly qualified professional Teacher. But modern ‘children’ continued to challenge and baffle me. Every simple thing is so difficult for them and at the slightest perceive insult, they kill themselves.
Man, I am so out of patience.
People just don’t know what values to have. Laziness, pettiness and racial slurs have no place in my life. When you have touched ‘survival’ mode, I pretty much give thanks for everything else! WHAT is it Life hasn’t thrown at me? I catch everything and I move on…
Me? End my life? You must be mad! I cherish each and every moment.
Credited: Picture taken from internet, free domain.
18 people like this
16 responses
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
21 Feb 18
It wasn't fun. No childhood days. It was the same for all. No, no rice field or cane field anymore. the modern generation and modern gadgets are here!
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130218)
• Israel
21 Feb 18
@Gita17112016
So nowadays kids have a childhood? Sorry you did not have one. I love the title which is true. No one can know what it is like to walk in another's shoes or path. Not everyone has the same tales to tell of their childhood.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130218)
• Israel
22 Feb 18
@Gita17112016
Gitara, I know you say you are not a victim but what I picture a childhood to be is playing outside with other kids and having fun. I am sorry I do not see it being fun what you childhood was like. That is just me.
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
21 Feb 18
Yup! you got that right. They have skills and life skills and strategy and gut and grit and manpower. Never say die! 
1 person likes this
@toniganzon (72281)
• Philippines
22 Feb 18
You are one amazing person to have survived hardships.
I have never really experienced anything you've been through, nor have I experienced poverty. From the day I was born, I have only experienced comfort and some luxuries in life. However, my parents were killed when I was 13, and me and my siblings survived on our own and we had our tough times dealing with our emotional problems and some relatives who tried to take away what was ours.
Never for once had I thought of ending my life. Though it has never been that easy as well. I don't take simple things for granted and I appreciate whatever we have been through.
2 people like this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
24 Feb 18
We fight on different battlefields and we survive the best we could. Having both parents missing is tough and add family squabbles on top of that and you have 'survival' conditions. I am glad you made it through.
Even though we were poor we were still the richest in the community (except one family which was a family of doctors). So that will tell you the state of the others. We were self sufficient in food. We grew everything. We also had coffee and cocoa estate which we tended too.
However, don't be blinded with the work alone, there were extreme joy and contentment too and never a dull or boring day. We had about 20 cows, goats, chicken, ducks, dogs (working dogs), cats etc. We petted and tame them,feed them, grow then and sell them. We played with the babies. We became business savvy and later on in life we (children) will open businesses that will become our means of survival.
My childhood days gave us the tools to live and adapt to a changing world.
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
21 Feb 18
Indeed, we reap what we sow.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (471354)
• Switzerland
21 Feb 18
@Gita17112016 I agree that they have too many gadgets and too much comfort. I was born soon after World War II had finished. Families had no money, young girls played with rug dolls made by their mothers. Well, we appreciated what we had a lot more than those rich kids of our days.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (471354)
• Switzerland
23 Feb 18
@Gita17112016 Mom never had dolls, our generation was a big more lucky. We never hurt animals, my father was very strict on this.
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
22 Feb 18
@LadyDuck Well we didn't have dolls ...never saw anyone with them until I had 25 years. But we pulled sardine tins with strings along roads crudely marked on the earth and played a crude game of cricket with bat and ball made from coconut branch and young coconut. And kicked frogs for a foot ball. But we were never given time off to play. We had cows to tend too and water to fetch from quarter mile away. We did things...but I don't think they were games.
Interestingly, we WERE the rich family on block because my father had a motorcycle and later a motor car ...the only one in the village! 
1 person likes this
@Namelesss (3365)
• United States
21 Feb 18
I am so fortunate to have read this and you make me proud of the human spirit. Thank you for sharing. I know so many young people simply do not 'get it' but we have to ask ourselves why is that.
Like the young tree that never feels the wind is it any wonder that after growing straight and tall it breaks in the first thunderstorm?
2 people like this
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
21 Feb 18
If I looked back in my life, I realized there were much hard work I have done through out my life especially when I was a student. Being born and brought up in a village there was plenty of works to handle including paddy works, rubber plants works etc. No I really wonder how I managed to do all those works along with my studies. Now I am in a different place doing officer works and comparing to my children's life, they are lucky as they are enjoying a good life. On other side, there was many things for us to enjoy and joyful memories to recollect. Sadly my children's lost all those enjoyment. However, I try my best to teach them the values in life, learn them to spend wisely because earning money is difficult etc.
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
21 Feb 18
We seem to have shared similar experiences. From day one I was determined that I will succeed in my studies. The reason was that 'girl children' were not allowed to 'read' or have an education. So it was an uphill struggle and fight. There was no one to 'help' in homework'...in fact, we had to hide under the covers to do homework. My father 'pelt' the books in the drain whenever he was drunk. But I was determined.
Having said that, I want to caution you that your children cannot live your past. And while it is good to 'share' you past, never force them to live in your past. Children today have different battle to fight. And as older generation their world is complex and confusing to us. My point is to instill in them the determination to live with zest and enthusiasm and to conquer their world.
The best values you can teach your child id to do something together with them. Children learn from examples. The best way to reach them is to do something they love. So let them choose the activity and you go into their world and be part of it. Then you'll be a parent who rocks!
1 person likes this
@Sreekala (34312)
• India
22 Feb 18
@Gita17112016 I do share my past experiences on how we used to reach school and how our life was in the past etc. They are very eager to listen all those. They have the facility to pick them up for school by School van and we had to walk more than one hour to reach the school. They can't believe the ordeals of us in the past. Now I too can't believe how the transportation was in the village when we are kids and how the facilities changed at present in the village. If I write all those then this will be like a 'book'.
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
22 Feb 18
@Sreekala Ah, if your children are eager and responding then it is good. Where do you live? Do you live in rural areas?
1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
22 Feb 18
I congratulate you for working hard to have a good life now. 
The hard times made you a very strong person. But those who want easy life, easily give up in life once they meet trials. Sad, that they didn't make use of all the talents given to them by God., but simply chose to be gone. 
The hard times made you a very strong person. But those who want easy life, easily give up in life once they meet trials. Sad, that they didn't make use of all the talents given to them by God., but simply chose to be gone. 1 person likes this
@SIMPLYD (90722)
• Philippines
25 Feb 18
@Gita17112016 Yes, it's sad they have to give up easily. They only want easy comfort.
It's sad those for those who were left behind by the people who turns to that.
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
25 Feb 18
@SIMPLYD Do you think the problem is bad parenting or bad schooling?
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
21 Feb 18
Thank you. It was a generation of strong persons. We all survived our environment and grew stronger for it. I wonder if we can say the same for today's generation? Why can't they FIND the same will power?
I am not asking them to live my past. I am asking them to conquer their environment ...it is also a battlefield. So many are lost...starting with the will to live.
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
23 Feb 18
Sadly, that's the 'herd mentality' which I have none. I have never cared to be accepted as long as I accept me...that has been my rational as, off course, I have lived with me most of the time. 
And fortunately, I LIKE me!
Having said that, one of the mark of an educated person is to be able to communicate with people at any level in life...and I can do that exceptionally well. Speak 'bread' when you are with the baker, speak 'meat' when you are with the butcher, and speak 'sangwich' when you are with both! That's my motto.
And fortunately, I LIKE me!
Having said that, one of the mark of an educated person is to be able to communicate with people at any level in life...and I can do that exceptionally well. Speak 'bread' when you are with the baker, speak 'meat' when you are with the butcher, and speak 'sangwich' when you are with both! That's my motto.1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
22 Feb 18
I love your attitude. Wow, what a childhood - it sounds like very rough labor indeed. I wouldn't know a thing about cane or rice -- and you are right , some people have no idea about "survival".
I think it may be a culture thing - it also may be a generation thing. Apparently the Millennials eg. my generation (people born in years 1982 -2004) are being called "Strawberries" because we "bruise easily". I've heard of college campuses offering counseling because college age students get scared of scary costumes. *eye roll*
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
23 Feb 18
@Gita17112016 The differences in generations interest me too. One article I read seemed to suggest that differences were caused because of shared experiences as we came of age (9/11 for the Millenials for example) . Me, I don't know.
I do appreciate your viewing of the good parts of your childhood as well. I can't imagine seeing a parrot outside of someone's pet or a zoo. You learned hard work, and had open air.. and it helped shape you into who you are.
My experience was no where near what yours was, I'm not seeking to compare - but somewhat I can relate. I grew up on a hobby farm. No animals, but still plenty of work. At age 11 we moved there and I was expected to work - clearing the land for a house. I had a wheelbarrow, I loaded it with sticks and twigs, there was no "I'm tired" or "I hurt". I knew better. Dad had a temper in those days (he's mellowed as he's gotten older) so many times I would get yelled at - but - there was no "You hurt my feelings" or crying... those would make him madder.... so the thought at others my age group being "scared" to the point of needing therapy because of "Scary" Halloween costumes is beyond me.
Even with that - I learned work ethic, what hard work was, the outdoors and that I don't need the latest gadget to be happy
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
24 Feb 18
@FayeHazel Different battle fields but yours seem a bit worse than mine.
I don't remember being forced, threatened or bullied into working. We volunteered. Willingly. But we did have choices...we could stay home and do house chores (included cooking for 8 and bringing the food to the fields) or work in the fields all day. Where work was concern, my father never had to supervised us. We gave 110%.
But we did get licks. For neighbours or teachers complaining about us.for not saying 'Good Morning' to the neighbour FIRST, and for answering back (if we were crazy enough to do so).But when we reached 10 years old, my father never touched the girl children again (I meant that...literally).
It's hard for me to wrap my head around the concept of counselling for 'Scary halloween costume" but as a teacher I saw two parent accompanied their child 3 month in school, sitting on the benches, waiting for their child to get accustom to class. I didn't even ask.
Parenting has changed...and value systems too.
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
23 Feb 18
I have often wondered myself how one generation can be so tough and another called 'strawberries' because the bruise easily. Really? I never heard of this term but i am aware children are born being delicate now.
I am glad I have never come across any college student needed counselling for 'scary costumes' 
I am also a qualified 'counsellor'. I would have been fascinated.
And you are so right. My childhood exposure is a 'cultural thing' because this generation of people did that. Indentured labourers were barred by LAW from congregating, from travelling (leaving your community) and persecuted for their language and religion. That was the condition of the 5-year contract. It was semi-slavery conditions that spilled over to a fear and a practice. So I grew up with limited options.
But the bright side of the coin was that I got to be close to nature and surrounded by animals such as cows, bisons, goats, dogs, cats, chickens, ducks, and parrots. It was never a dull moments. As children we own and could sell these for money which we saved as our own. We had already learn business skills at the aged of five! I owned .5 cents (a daywork was .14 cents). We were happy!
I am also a qualified 'counsellor'. I would have been fascinated.
And you are so right. My childhood exposure is a 'cultural thing' because this generation of people did that. Indentured labourers were barred by LAW from congregating, from travelling (leaving your community) and persecuted for their language and religion. That was the condition of the 5-year contract. It was semi-slavery conditions that spilled over to a fear and a practice. So I grew up with limited options.
But the bright side of the coin was that I got to be close to nature and surrounded by animals such as cows, bisons, goats, dogs, cats, chickens, ducks, and parrots. It was never a dull moments. As children we own and could sell these for money which we saved as our own. We had already learn business skills at the aged of five! I owned .5 cents (a daywork was .14 cents). We were happy!1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
21 Feb 18
My friend, what doesn't kill us will strengthen us! When we face things straight on , it is not difficult as it seems.
When we face things straight on , it is not difficult as it seems.@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
21 Feb 18
Yes, that it! You caught the gist of what I am trying to convey to the younger generation. You must have zest for life and appreciation and face Life's obstacles up front ...not throw in the towel. And it was not my life alone...it was ever indentured labourers children life. We are not victims. We are a generation that build our country to the prosperous country it is today (off, course it helped that we have oil too)
You feel awe for me?...I stand in awe of Nature's bounteous treasures. If only we could switch off the TV and ignore the internet and reconnect to Nature half of the world's psychotic problems will disappear!
I must admit though I tackled the classroom with the same attitude as I did the rice fields and canelands...I set out to conquer. Girl children were not given an education...thank God for government law !.
You feel awe for me?...I stand in awe of Nature's bounteous treasures. If only we could switch off the TV and ignore the internet and reconnect to Nature half of the world's psychotic problems will disappear!
I must admit though I tackled the classroom with the same attitude as I did the rice fields and canelands...I set out to conquer. Girl children were not given an education...thank God for government law !.1 person likes this
@Courage7 (19633)
• United States
21 Feb 18
@Gita17112016 Oh yes as you had discipline and know how to get on in life and not only get on, but exceed expectations. I will always be in awe of you!!
Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
Thanks so much for sharing this with us.1 person likes this
@Swayamsiddha (4354)
• New Delhi, India
22 Feb 18
You are a very strong women. I must say.
1 person likes this
@Gita17112016 (3611)
• Trinidad And Tobago
23 Feb 18
When you face your circumstances you become strong. When you conquer your circumstances you are a winner. It's the attitude with which you approach life.
@chiyosan (30184)
• Philippines
27 Jul 18
i have watched a video that explains about this really. it must be that those who give up easily are those who have been pampered all too well by their parents, they are unable to cope and unable to accept little conflicts or insults if you may say because they have been well sheltered in their lives. We are lucky enough to have been to life battles and still manages to smile and still wants to continue to live and survive even if the world has been too cruel at times.
