I'm Angry
@just4him (317249)
Green Bay, Wisconsin
June 22, 2018 6:37am CST
No, I'm not angry at anyone or anything. I'm angry with myself. I'm angry when I look out my window and I see people passing by who have wonderful mobility, and I'm sitting here riddled with arthritis in my knees to the point where I can barely walk on some days.
I try to tell myself I can do anything, just like when I was a kid. When I was a kid, I had energy enough to do whatever I wanted, and did.
I'm angry because my body is getting old. My mind is still young, and always will be, but my mind and my body are at opposite polls from each other.
I'm angry because I had to write my friend this morning and tell her I needed to stay away from the pool and allow my body to heal properly before I considered going back. I'm angry because I had to make a decision to exchange the cane for a walker.
The pool has a walker available for people with mobility issues. I used it yesterday to get from one end of the pool to the other where the whirlpool/hot tub is. When I did so, I found it a lot easier than using the cane. That makes me angry, angry because I need it. I don't want to need it. I want to walk normal like I did once upon a time. I want to be able to climb stairs like a normal person, without worrying my knee is going to give way. I want to feel limber again. However, I'm not limber. My body is riddled with arthritis, and I can't do the things I once could.
It all makes me wish Ponce de Leon had found the Fountain of Youth. I'd drink deeply from it and regain the strength in my body I once had.
I do praise God my hands and fingers aren't riddled with arthritis. I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't write. I do praise God for the mind I have that allows me to think, to dream, to be young, even though my body is aging faster than I like. I praise God because there is someone out there, working on the cure for arthritis, dementia, Alzheimer's, and all those debilitating diseases that numb the mind and body. I could only wish the cure would be found in my lifetime.
I'm not young anymore. I'm older today than I was yesterday, but I'm younger today than I will be tomorrow. Today, my body isn't working the way I want it too. It will tomorrow. One of the tomorrow's, I will wake up and be able to get out of bed without pain. One of the tomorrow's, my knees will work again the way they always did. One of the tomorrow's. Not today. Today, I'm riddled with arthritis and pain, but I'm still praising God because my mind is and always will be young.
Thanks for reading.
37 people like this
38 responses
@LadyDuck (471969)
• Switzerland
22 Jun 18
I am so sorry Valerie. I know that I should not complain, I am almost 68, I walk fast, I can climb the stairs, but when I work in the garden I feel that I am no more young. I am a lot more tired this year than I was last year. I hope I can continue to take care of my garden myself for some more years, then I will decide what to do.
9 people like this
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
23 Jun 18
As you know getting old isn't for sissies--my mind is young but the body hasn't gotten that message!
I'm not going to tell you that being angry is wasting your time and " I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't write. " is silly thinking because #1 There are many other things you can do #2 with technology you can 'write' your books on the computer with your voice.
I know what you are going through as I have been there and I am there but I had a long talk with myself about 10 years ago when I was a 'kid' in my 70s and instead of wasting time feeling sorry for myself or thinking what might happen I just look out my window and appreciate what Mother Nature gives my eyes and mind to wonder and think about but most of all whether a full blue sky and sun or a rainy, windy day I get lost in her wonder and out of whatever is 'trying' to get me down--no more.
I spent a couple of hours today reading to kids--how the heck can I feel sorry for myself looking at their faces and reactions?!?!?
4 people like this
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
25 Jun 18
@just4him I wish I could get into the pool--doc says "NO!" 
1 person likes this
@just4him (317249)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
24 Jun 18
@GreatMartin Thank you for the pep talk and word of encouragement. I know I have a lot going for me, and tomorrow, I'm back in the pool. My knees are much better than they were. 
1 person likes this
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
22 Jun 18
Hi Valerie. Your body may not be doing its work as it used to, you will always be young at heart and mind. And you will always young for me.
4 people like this
@Jessabuma (31700)
• Baguio, Philippines
22 Jun 18
I'm so sorry to hear about that, I hope you will feel better soon..
4 people like this
@GardenGerty (160883)
• United States
22 Jun 18
I have the pains of old age, and know others that do as well, or they are young and are actually in worse shape than I am. Yes, it is awesome to praise God for the good that remains and the things we have gained and learned.
2 people like this
@just4him (317249)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
24 Jun 18
Yes, it is awesome to praise God for what he's given us, and that's what gets me through all the pain of growing old.
@1hopefulman (45120)
• Canada
22 Jun 18
Its good to have hope!
I have heard of some people that have gotten rid of their arthritis. Have you searched the cause of arthritis?
I have heard of some people that have gotten rid of their arthritis. Have you searched the cause of arthritis?2 people like this
@1hopefulman (45120)
• Canada
24 Jun 18
@just4him Sorry to hear that! I had a bit in my hands but a change in diet made it go away.
1 person likes this
@just4him (317249)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
25 Jun 18
@1hopefulman A change in diet can do wonders, especially if it's healthy eating.
1 person likes this
@marguicha (223720)
• Chile
23 Jun 18
I can relate to you although maybe my arthritis and osteoporosis is less than yours. But I only live in the first floor although my house has 2 stories. I have even forgotten what I have there; it is too irritating to try to go. I heard a couple of months ago of a doctor, specialist in knees. I went to see him and he gave me a shot of corticoids in each knee. The arthritis will not go away, it is a chronic disease, but the pain has stopped in a great part. Lately I am able to climb up the stairs. Not running, mind you. But it is worth checking.
2 people like this
@just4him (317249)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
24 Jun 18
I'm glad the doctor gave you something for your arthritis and osteoporosis. My knees are doing better today, and I will be back in the pool tomorrow.
@caopaopao (12395)
• China
22 Jun 18
Don't be sad. A happy mood is good for our health. Your heart is still so young, which has been admired by many people. Pay more attention to your body and follow the doctor's advice, and you'll be all right.
3 people like this
@caopaopao (12395)
• China
23 Jun 18
@just4him Glad to know. Take care, dear friend.
Glad to know. Take care, dear friend.1 person likes this
@Marilynda1225 (83062)
• United States
22 Jun 18
I can relate to your aging woes 100%. I am basically in the same position with arthritis so bad in my knees some days I can barely walk. It took a lot for me to give in to using a cane so my balance would be steady rather than being vain and falling. I wish, wish, wish there was a fountain of youth too and enjoy days without pain and I could skip outside rather than hobble when I leave the house.
2 people like this
@just4him (317249)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
24 Jun 18
It really would be nice. Aging is a fact of life we don't want to face, but our bodies make us anyway.
@garymarsh6 (23404)
• United Kingdom
22 Jun 18
I am so sorry that you are in pain Valerie. I thought perhaps the water would help you because it would take the weight off your knees. As you I do hope they find a cure for this terrible diseases. As people are living longer we will see more and more of these crippling diseases. You have your faith which of course is a comforter but it is no help when your body gives up on you. Thankfully you have an active brain and you can share it with others!
3 people like this
@garymarsh6 (23404)
• United Kingdom
22 Jun 18
@just4him So it is not really a good disabled access and I guess no lifts. Shame. I don't need to tell you that you must keep moving otherwise when you do it will hurt more. I know some people find Glucosamine and Chondroitin are helpful for the joints. I am sure you might be able to pick it up cheaply on line.
2 people like this
@just4him (317249)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
22 Jun 18
@garymarsh6 I have a supplement called TriFlex from GNC that works wonders on my arthritis. I've been taking it daily, trying to get my knees to respond.
Yes, there's a lift, but there's still walking entailed through the locker rooms and out to the pool, and right now, my knees are protesting even the small amount of walking I'm doing in the apartment. I need to get them healed back to what they were before I fell and twisted my knee last month, and the two subsequent falls I took at my son's apartment, through no fault of my own.
4 people like this
@HazySue (39268)
• Gouverneur, New York
22 Jun 18
I don't blame you for being angry. You have the right. It is hard when you have a body that stops working the way you want it to. I wish that you could be pain free but it is the story of getting older. I have finally reached the point where I have accepted the pain and the lack of ease of getting around and doing things. I guess I am at the point when I know my limitations, still fight them, but know I must accept them.
2 people like this
@snowy22315 (181943)
• United States
23 Jun 18
I am so sorry to hear of your pain. I hope it is tolerable for you. I guess at this moment I am feeling blessed as I am not so much younger than you, yet I have no arthritis and no aches and pains. I may have had a bit more energy 10 or 20 years ago..but my body feels fine..Praise God.! I honestly think my swimming in the warm lake here is therapeutic for me. What about chair yoga?? YOu may find all the stretching beneficial.
1 person likes this
@just4him (317249)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
25 Jun 18
@snowy22315 I just got home from the pool and it felt good to be in the water.
@JohnRoberts (109846)
• Los Angeles, California
22 Jun 18
I can sympathize with that you are saying as I feel similar emotions concerning the aging process. It's not fun betrayed by the body when the mind is still young in spirit.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
22 Jun 18
Ah I'm sorry you feel that way - and that you have such pain and mobility issues. I admire you though. You know? Because you keep going. Finding ways to be active. I do hope you find some more solutions for your knees and mobility. But I like your attitude. You're right - there is much to be thankful for all the same
1 person likes this
@just4him (317249)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
27 Jun 18
@FayeHazel I did. TriFlex. It works wonders on the joints. Marathoners use it. I get it from GNC. It's a GNC brand.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
26 Jun 18
@just4him I hope you got back to the pool in a speedy manner. What supplement?
1 person likes this
