My girlfriend is grieving the loss of a friend. Any hints concerning what I can do to support her?

@TheHorse (220110)
Walnut Creek, California
June 24, 2018 9:23pm CST
This is a picture of my girlfriend's house. She is inside, avoiding the heat, but also grieving. Her pasture-mate was recently put down. I was able to coax her out and share snacks with her (apples, carrots, and alfalfa), but I could tell she was down. It was mostly in her eyes and her movements. Yesterday, we took a walk together, and she showed me the borders of her property. Today (the next day), her spirits were higher, and she came out of her house to greet me. How do you deal with grieving or depressed friends? Are you a good listener?
18 people like this
20 responses
Louise Crisologo
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
25 Jun 18
Hi Colin. I am sorry. I hope your girlfriend is fine. I just make sure I am always there for her/him. I let them be. As long as I am alive, I will be there for them.
5 people like this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
That's pretty much my philosophy. I have a picture here somewhere of her in happier times.
2 people like this
Louise Crisologo
@mlgen1037 (29886)
• Manila, Philippines
25 Jun 18
@TheHorse May I see the picture?
2 people like this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
@mlgen1037 I tried to find it yesterday but couldn't. Let me try again.
3 people like this
rakski
@rakski (125769)
• Philippines
25 Jun 18
A hug will do. If she lets you.
3 people like this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
She let me scratch her neck and slap her tush. Normal stuff. I think she could tell I cared.
2 people like this
Michelle
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
25 Jun 18
I am sorry to hear. :( Does she have any friends nearby to play with :)
2 people like this
Michelle
@infatuatedbby (94914)
• United States
25 Jun 18
@TheHorse A Hopefully another play mate (pony or horse) will accompany your g/f :)
www.
www.
www.
2 people like this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
@infatuatedbby Her "mom" is looking. I'm glad I got to play with her some this weekend.
2 people like this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
My friend's girlfriend checked out a pony today, but it had back problems.
2 people like this
Anna
@LadyDuck (472004)
• Switzerland
25 Jun 18
I suppose that your girlfriend is a horse, they are no humans, but they have sentiments. Scratch her neck, rub her forehead, makes she know that you know she is grieving.
2 people like this
Anna
@LadyDuck (472004)
• Switzerland
25 Jun 18
@TheHorse Animals understand better than humans most of the time.
2 people like this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
2 Aug 18
@LadyDuck They are intuitive critters. I was jamming (music) with my buddy last night and their golden retriever came and lay (or is it laid? or layed?) with me. It made me feel like a "good person." @Maluse, HELP!
2 people like this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
That's pretty much what I did. As with humans, I didn't try to "cheer her up." I just led her around but kept the rope loose so she could show me what she wanted to show me.
2 people like this
Valerie J. Routhieaux
@just4him (317249)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
25 Jun 18
It seems you did a good job to draw her out in the open so she could show you around.
2 people like this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
I think it was the best thing. She did seem in much better spirits the next day.
2 people like this
Valerie J. Routhieaux
@just4him (317249)
• Green Bay, Wisconsin
25 Jun 18
@TheHorse That's great.
2 people like this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
@just4him I hope she's happy again when I see her in a month I wonder if animals go through the same (Kubler-Ross) stages of grieving that humans do.
2 people like this
Angie
@andriaperry (117133)
• Anniston, Alabama
25 Jun 18
Yes I am, I would just pet her and hug her all the time.
2 people like this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
Yep I gave her love, scratches, gentle conversation and some carrots.
2 people like this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
@andriaperry Thank you!
1 person likes this
Angie
@andriaperry (117133)
• Anniston, Alabama
25 Jun 18
@TheHorse You`re a good horse.
1 person likes this
vanny
@vandana7 (100540)
• India
25 Jun 18
Usually, I am the one pouring out my grief, remember? You are forced to listen, if you want to be my friend...and even if you don't want to be. Kidding...I am a good listener to those whom I trust. Others can take a walk.
1 person likes this
vanny
@vandana7 (100540)
• India
25 Jun 18
@TheHorse Touche...you just told me you don't trust me...sigh.
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
@vandana7 No, I've told you some pretty serious stuff.
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
I tend to be a decent listener to anyone. But I'll only discuss my deepest thoughts and feelings with those I trust.
2 people like this
Nancy Zink
@ramapo17 (30441)
• Melbourne, Florida
27 Jun 18
I am sure when the days go by she will realize it was the best thing for her animal. I have had to do that to some of my very large Newfoundlands and my 16 year old Sheltie. In her heart she knows it was better than seeing it suffering. This is part of life for an animal lover. Just you being with her has to make her feel comforting.
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
2 Aug 18
It's a difficult decision to make. But it's the right decision in most cases.
1 person likes this
Nancy Zink
@ramapo17 (30441)
• Melbourne, Florida
3 Aug 18
@TheHorse Just looking in the eyes of the animals that know they are suffering should make the decision easier.
Hanni Harel
@Hannihar (130213)
• Israel
25 Jun 18
@TheHorse Be there for her and let her grieve the way she needs to and she will appreciate that.
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
Yep. Alas, I won't see her for another month, but her "mom" is good to her. She does get attention.
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
@Hannihar Her "horse mom" (a human), my buddy's girlfriend. Yes, she lives about 150 miles from me.
1 person likes this
Hanni Harel
@Hannihar (130213)
• Israel
25 Jun 18
@TheHorse Does she live far away that you will not see her for another month? I am glad she has her mother to be there for her too.
1 person likes this
The Fly One
@aureliah (24316)
• Kenya
25 Jun 18
Please allow her to grieve. She will manage it better that way
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
It seemed to help. She was in a better space the next day.
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
2 Aug 18
@aureliah I visited her again a few weeks later and she seemed less depressed.
1 person likes this
The Fly One
@aureliah (24316)
• Kenya
2 Jul 18
@TheHorse Thats great
1 person likes this
Robin
@Daelii (5619)
• United States
25 Jun 18
Its best to be a good listener. Sometimes grief isn't really about words, but just knowing someone is still there!
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
I tried to listen, and attend to her nonverbal cues, as best as I could.
1 person likes this
Angie
@andriaperry (117133)
• Anniston, Alabama
25 Jun 18
She is a horse.
2 people like this
Robin
@Daelii (5619)
• United States
25 Jun 18
@andriaperry I know, but animals do have feelings too. Humans are also an animal.
2 people like this
Starmaiden
@Starmaiden (9311)
• Canada
25 Jun 18
She just needs some time to adjust. You can help take her mind off of it by brushing her mane, giving her a good body massage with the curry brush then ride her till the cows come home!
2 people like this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
I wanted to ride her but never got the chance.
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
2 Aug 18
I did do the other things, though.
1 person likes this
Jessa Bumagat
@Jessabuma (31700)
• Baguio, Philippines
25 Jun 18
Hello! Sorry to hear about your girlfriend's loss , I hope she will be fine soon..
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
My hunch is that the grieving process is shorter for horses than for humans.
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
2 Aug 18
@Jessabuma I actually visited her again recently and she seemed much happier, though a little "rebellious."
1 person likes this
Jessa Bumagat
@Jessabuma (31700)
• Baguio, Philippines
25 Jun 18
@TheHorse hehe!!! Yes I think so too..
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filia faith
@Fliafaith (763)
• Nairobi, Kenya
2 Aug 18
So sorry for her, just try to be there for her
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
7 Aug 18
I did some good "active horse listening" with her.
Toni
@toniganzon (72517)
• Philippines
26 Jun 18
Yeah I think I'm a good listener. I myself have been through too much so I know exactly how it feels to lose someone. Nothing we say could ever make someone feel better but our presence means a lot.
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
2 Aug 18
Yep. Our presence. And not too many words.
1 person likes this
Jabo
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
25 Jun 18
Can you not get her another companion? Horses like goats and sheep if another horse isn't an option'
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
2 Aug 18
I hope they do. At least she gets attention daily.
1 person likes this
James Higgins
@JamesHxstatic (29413)
• Eugene, Oregon
25 Jun 18
No ideas on the equine help, but it does seem she is grieving. Listening, watching, talking may be all you can do.
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
Yep, I tried to be gentle and give her reassurance. And treats.
1 person likes this
ARM
@responsiveme (22926)
• India
25 Jun 18
She must be glad of your presence
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
We spent some good quiet time together.
1 person likes this
Icydoll
@Icydoll (36717)
• India
25 Jun 18
Yes I'm a good listener..I fill up her thoughts with positivity by talking her and showing care
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
Just showing you care is important.
1 person likes this
PizzaS
@PizzaS (32)
•
25 Jun 18
Just be there for her. If you don't know what to say, just listen and give her hugs to comfort her. She knows you care, don't worry. I hope she'll be fine soon! :)
1 person likes this
The Horse
@TheHorse (220110)
• Walnut Creek, California
25 Jun 18
She seemed to be in better spirits the second day I visited her.