My girlfriend is grieving the loss of a friend. Any hints concerning what I can do to support her?

@TheHorse (218464)

Walnut Creek, California

June 24, 2018 9:23pm CST

This is a picture of my girlfriend's house. She is inside, avoiding the heat, but also grieving. Her pasture-mate was recently put down. I was able to coax her out and share snacks with her (apples, carrots, and alfalfa), but I could tell she was down. It was mostly in her eyes and her movements. Yesterday, we took a walk together, and she showed me the borders of her property. Today (the next day), her spirits were higher, and she came out of her house to greet me. How do you deal with grieving or depressed friends? Are you a good listener?

18 people like this

20 responses

Louise Crisologo

@mlgen1037 (29886)

• Manila, Philippines

25 Jun 18

Hi Colin. I am sorry. I hope your girlfriend is fine. I just make sure I am always there for her/him. I let them be. As long as I am alive, I will be there for them.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

That's pretty much my philosophy. I have a picture here somewhere of her in happier times.

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Louise Crisologo

@mlgen1037 (29886)

• Manila, Philippines

25 Jun 18

@TheHorse May I see the picture?

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

@mlgen1037 I tried to find it yesterday but couldn't. Let me try again.

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@rakski (121990)

• Philippines

25 Jun 18

A hug will do. If she lets you.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

She let me scratch her neck and slap her tush. Normal stuff. I think she could tell I cared.

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@infatuatedbby (94914)

• United States

25 Jun 18

I am sorry to hear. :( Does she have any friends nearby to play with :)

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@infatuatedbby (94914)

• United States

25 Jun 18

@TheHorse A Hopefully another play mate (pony or horse) will accompany your g/f :)

www.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

@infatuatedbby Her "mom" is looking. I'm glad I got to play with her some this weekend.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

My friend's girlfriend checked out a pony today, but it had back problems.

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@LadyDuck (471253)

• Switzerland

25 Jun 18

I suppose that your girlfriend is a horse, they are no humans, but they have sentiments. Scratch her neck, rub her forehead, makes she know that you know she is grieving.

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@LadyDuck (471253)

• Switzerland

25 Jun 18

@TheHorse Animals understand better than humans most of the time.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

2 Aug 18

@LadyDuck They are intuitive critters. I was jamming (music) with my buddy last night and their golden retriever came and lay (or is it laid? or layed?) with me. It made me feel like a "good person." @Maluse, HELP!

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

That's pretty much what I did. As with humans, I didn't try to "cheer her up." I just led her around but kept the rope loose so she could show me what she wanted to show me.

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Valerie J. Routhieaux

@just4him (317040)

• Green Bay, Wisconsin

25 Jun 18

It seems you did a good job to draw her out in the open so she could show you around.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

I think it was the best thing. She did seem in much better spirits the next day.

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Valerie J. Routhieaux

@just4him (317040)

• Green Bay, Wisconsin

25 Jun 18

@TheHorse That's great.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

@just4him I hope she's happy again when I see her in a month I wonder if animals go through the same (Kubler-Ross) stages of grieving that humans do.

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@andriaperry (116936)

• Anniston, Alabama

25 Jun 18

Yes I am, I would just pet her and hug her all the time.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

Yep I gave her love, scratches, gentle conversation and some carrots.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

@andriaperry Thank you!

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@andriaperry (116936)

• Anniston, Alabama

25 Jun 18

@TheHorse You`re a good horse.

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@vandana7 (100214)

• India

25 Jun 18

Usually, I am the one pouring out my grief, remember? You are forced to listen, if you want to be my friend...and even if you don't want to be. Kidding...I am a good listener to those whom I trust. Others can take a walk.

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@vandana7 (100214)

• India

25 Jun 18

@TheHorse Touche...you just told me you don't trust me...sigh.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

@vandana7 No, I've told you some pretty serious stuff.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

I tend to be a decent listener to anyone. But I'll only discuss my deepest thoughts and feelings with those I trust.

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@ramapo17 (30441)

• Melbourne, Florida

27 Jun 18

I am sure when the days go by she will realize it was the best thing for her animal. I have had to do that to some of my very large Newfoundlands and my 16 year old Sheltie. In her heart she knows it was better than seeing it suffering. This is part of life for an animal lover. Just you being with her has to make her feel comforting.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

2 Aug 18

It's a difficult decision to make. But it's the right decision in most cases.

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@ramapo17 (30441)

• Melbourne, Florida

3 Aug 18

@TheHorse Just looking in the eyes of the animals that know they are suffering should make the decision easier.

@Hannihar (130218)

• Israel

25 Jun 18

@TheHorse Be there for her and let her grieve the way she needs to and she will appreciate that.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

Yep. Alas, I won't see her for another month, but her "mom" is good to her. She does get attention.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

@Hannihar Her "horse mom" (a human), my buddy's girlfriend. Yes, she lives about 150 miles from me.

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@Hannihar (130218)

• Israel

25 Jun 18

@TheHorse Does she live far away that you will not see her for another month? I am glad she has her mother to be there for her too.

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@aureliah (24316)

• Kenya

25 Jun 18

Please allow her to grieve. She will manage it better that way

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

It seemed to help. She was in a better space the next day.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

2 Aug 18

@aureliah I visited her again a few weeks later and she seemed less depressed.

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@aureliah (24316)

• Kenya

2 Jul 18

@TheHorse Thats great

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@Daelii (5619)

• United States

25 Jun 18

Its best to be a good listener. Sometimes grief isn't really about words, but just knowing someone is still there!

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

I tried to listen, and attend to her nonverbal cues, as best as I could.

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@andriaperry (116936)

• Anniston, Alabama

25 Jun 18

She is a horse.

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@Daelii (5619)

• United States

25 Jun 18

@andriaperry I know, but animals do have feelings too. Humans are also an animal.

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@Starmaiden (9311)

• Canada

25 Jun 18

She just needs some time to adjust. You can help take her mind off of it by brushing her mane, giving her a good body massage with the curry brush then ride her till the cows come home!

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

I wanted to ride her but never got the chance.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

2 Aug 18

I did do the other things, though.

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@Jessabuma (31700)

• Baguio, Philippines

25 Jun 18

Hello! Sorry to hear about your girlfriend's loss , I hope she will be fine soon..

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

My hunch is that the grieving process is shorter for horses than for humans.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

2 Aug 18

@Jessabuma I actually visited her again recently and she seemed much happier, though a little "rebellious."

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@Jessabuma (31700)

• Baguio, Philippines

25 Jun 18

@TheHorse hehe!!! Yes I think so too..

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@Fliafaith (763)

• Nairobi, Kenya

2 Aug 18

So sorry for her, just try to be there for her

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

7 Aug 18

I did some good "active horse listening" with her.

@toniganzon (72281)

• Philippines

26 Jun 18

Yeah I think I'm a good listener. I myself have been through too much so I know exactly how it feels to lose someone. Nothing we say could ever make someone feel better but our presence means a lot.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

2 Aug 18

Yep. Our presence. And not too many words.

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@jaboUK (64354)

• United Kingdom

25 Jun 18

Can you not get her another companion? Horses like goats and sheep if another horse isn't an option'

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

2 Aug 18

I hope they do. At least she gets attention daily.

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@JamesHxstatic (29413)

• Eugene, Oregon

25 Jun 18

No ideas on the equine help, but it does seem she is grieving. Listening, watching, talking may be all you can do.

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

Yep, I tried to be gentle and give her reassurance. And treats.

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@responsiveme (22926)

• India

25 Jun 18

She must be glad of your presence

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

We spent some good quiet time together.

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@Icydoll (36717)

• India

25 Jun 18

Yes I'm a good listener..I fill up her thoughts with positivity by talking her and showing care

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

Just showing you care is important.

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25 Jun 18

Just be there for her. If you don't know what to say, just listen and give her hugs to comfort her. She knows you care, don't worry. I hope she'll be fine soon! :)

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@TheHorse (218464)

• Walnut Creek, California

25 Jun 18

She seemed to be in better spirits the second day I visited her.