Having children first and then getting married

I'm old school and have my personal beliefs about many things. One is marriage and then children, but the world is changing. I may not like it, but just as long as my family does what I think is right, then I'm okay.

I wonder too. Have you heard this song? I love it! Oh for the old days that I never experienced. Look for the tears on the face of the singer next to Jesse.

When my niece recently married, the man she married wasn't the father of either of her two children. My nephew has a child with a female friend because she thought his children would be very attractive and they have no plans of ever being married. The moral code I was raised on seems to have gone by the wayside even in my own extended family. My sons so far have heeded my warning about not bringing home a pregnant female companion until the "I do" has been done if they don't want to face the wrath of one very furious dad.

You would have to wonder which way is the best. There are plenty of divorces in either case.

Essentially it doesn't matter. Who is to say a married couple are in a more stable relationship than a non married couple? What matters is that they be good parents and you get parents who are married and good at parenting but equally you get unmarried parents who do just as good a job. Marriage is just a bit of paper and does nothing to make people better parents in my opinion.

Whatever anyone thinks, the changes will keep coming. Remember those bathing costumes from back in the day?

I don't like the trend at all. In my opinion the dissloution of the family has a lot to do with the problems in society today.

They are definitely going in the wrong direction s as far as I'm concerned. What protection is there for the children if there is a break-up? I guess, it depends on the laws of the land.

I think marriage in itself is an outdated institution. We are made to take vows in front of priests and society. The attendees to the wedding have obligation to see that there is no interference in holy matrimony nor any adulterous relationship that hurts any one of the partners. We have reduced that respect to going there, giving gift, having good meal and returning home talking about dresses who said what whom we met blah blah. I am for marry if you want a child. Otherwise, live in. That leaves people more liberty to walk out, less earnings for lawyers, less gossip mongers fodder, less emotional baggage, etc. Once the child is in picture, it is serious business, because he or she has to be made good and useful citizen for tomorrow's world. As simple as that. Partners would be at liberty to walk out even after completing the responsibility. But that is the only time they have to adjust and adjustment to that extent has an element of dishonesty.

The world is chaining and there are those who just want to have children but don't want to want a husband at all.

Same as @DianneN, I am old school and I have my own beliefs. I am not sure the world is going in the right direction.

Yes, it's all very different from when we were young, but as long as they are in a stable relationship I don't think it matters.

Personally I think today the world is much too free on many issues but then changes are inevitable.

Things change I guess.

I know so much seems so upside down. I am not sure it is any better and often I do worry that it is worse.

Ideally getting married first before having children is the norm. But I guess that is an acceptable arrangement nowadays since many get into making a baby before they get into married life. If you are the religious type then you should follow the traditional way while if your the modern type of guys then I guess this kind of arrangement might be practical.

I never agree and will ever support having a baby before marriage because there will be too many mitigating factors on how the marriage is decided. When a marriage is decided on the consequences other than being wanting each other for the rest of the life, then I belief the relationship will not have a strong foundation. Marriage should be for the sake of both people than anything else.

It has been also the norm in the Philippines. Some even just live together trying to find our if their relationship will work before they get married. I think they have a point because not all married people are successful with their relationship.

lots of things have changed from the old days

Oh boy I'm 28 and I remember this story so well. I even hear if you play too much with biys you might get pregnant LOL.