Black Sunday - Fiction - Part 3 of about 5

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This is a monologue. You need to imagine an Aussie standing in front of you telling you a story. The photo has nothing to do with the story. Black Sunday - part 3 It’s pretty obvious this is a job for the vet so I grab Arnie’s collar and we head for the garage. It’s only when Ben next door looks up from clipping his hedge and gives me a wolf whistle that I realise I’m only wearing my jocks, the ones with 'who's a wanker' written on them. I go to shove the Great Dane into Karen’s Hyundai 'cause she’s taken my king cab ute and and I notice some dirty ba**ard has spewed behind the back wheel. I deter Arnie from his investigations and shove him into the back of the hatchback. Across the road Mrs Kafoops is watering her garden. Karen says I’ll call her that to her face one day. Mostly I don’t call her anything because I can’t say ‘Mrs Sankaranarayanan’ without cracking up. Karen says that’s rich coming from someone whose surname is Bueglehole… Anyway Mrs Kafoops spends a lot of time out the front, pretending to be watering or weeding but she’s really playing Neighbourhood Watchit. When I come back in my cleanest dirty shorts, Arnie has climbed through into the passenger seat and there he sits, drooling and grinning and bleeding quietly all over the white sheepskin covers. Arnie is really Karen’s dog but he’s got enough sense to know when he needs help so apart from a rumbling growl he’s not too much trouble to stitch up. The vet says when I get him home, I have to cut the bottom off a bucket and stick his head in it so he won’t tear the bandage off. And I’ve got to come back to pay the bill, because my credit card won’t work. It went into the washer and the drier with my jeans and now it doesn’t want to work. You’d think they’d make these things a bit tougher, wouldn’t you? I can’t be the only person who washes and dries his credit card. Luckily the vet knows us. Back home, rather than drive over the broken glass again, I leave the car out on the kerb. I’m thinking I might even get round to washing it. I’m also thinking I might need the brownie points.