How I Wish I Could Turn Back Time

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When I was 8 years old, our Mom left us to be with her new man so my Father took care of us since then. He is in the politics as the head of our town and works as Technician at the same time. He's very hard-working and he loves celebrating every single occasion with the people in our town, but our relatives think he’s a spendthrift. He’s also know for his bad temper, he easily gets mad to other people when they did something wrong that's why they think he's ruthless. But he had never hurt me and my younger brother, what I see in him is a very lovely man. He had helped a lot of people, he gave home to some of our relatives, he once opened our house to the families of fire victims and he even sent our caretakers to school. But still, people think he's crude. After my Mom left us, my Father's businesses tumbled. He didn't ran during the upcoming election that time to focus being an Electrician, but most people are already shifting to modern appliances so there's not much repair services needed. But still, he never let us felt what we're actually going through. He would still prepare our breakfast before going to work, left us money to buy snacks in case he would come home late, bought us pets to accompany us while we’re left at home. He consistently brought us to the church every Sunday (and sometimes even on Wednesdays, a devotion in the church we're visiting when we’re still whole as a family) and occasionally dropping us at the mall because he thought we look sad because we miss our Mom. But honestly, we never really felt empty after Mom left, maybe because he was able to fill everything for her part? Sometimes he would bring us to exclusive villages where he does home-service and drive us around the playgrounds, there were times his clients would gave us chocolates and toys. We grew up happy and contented not aware of his situation. During special occasions like Birthdays, Christmas and New Years, he would let us celebrate with our cousins, he’s aware that our Mom will be there and during those times I thought he just doesn’t care and had moved on. We’ll just went back home after, and there he is still busy with work. But after he passed away, I kept reminiscing what he was doing all those times when me and my brother were not at home. The last Christmas and New Year he had, I texted him and he said he’s cleaning the house. How come it never struck me that he is alone, that his wife left him but he still let his children celebrate with her during the most special occasions? I keep wondering if he cries and just avoiding judging eyes because he’s known as a though man. Or maybe I don't really want to know, I just want to go back, to comfort him and celebrate with him instead, to pat his back and let him know how much I admire him. How I wish I could turn back time, how I wish…