Behave in public
By Faye
@FayeHazel (40243)
United States
November 4, 2018 3:26pm CST
Hi MyLot,
First, let me be clear. I'm no expert on kids. I don't have any and I don't want any. My own choice. However I'm also not close to any. Not my own choice. Extended family isn't very family like and I don't have friends with kids.
The kids that usually stand out the most in public are ones that are misbehaving unfortunately … so I don't have a lot of background on the topic.
Kids used to annoy me, for the reason above , the misbehaved ones stand out - but lately I'm putting the blame for my annoyance where it more likely belongs - on the parents.
Last week I treated myself to Chinese buffet. You know, the kind where there is a glass sneeze guard over the food. Well 2 little boys, much shorter than the sneeze guard were running in between the steam tables, giggling, laughing, rough housing. Now I sound like a real grinch to say this
but it was obnoxious. Restaurant isn't playground. Restaurant isn't home or bedroom. Running around people who are trying to carry plates of food could be hazardous. But the real clincher is when they started sneezing and coughing while running in between steam tables. The sneeze guards are for tall people. These little boys heads were directly at food height. Not protected from their coughs and sneezes.
However instead of being irritated at the boys (something that would have happened in the past) - I was irritated at the parents.
These are kids, they might not know any better. They probably just wanted to get some energy out. Where were the parents at to tell them that running around steam tables is dangerous and rude to others, and that if you cough and sneeze onto food it could get other people sick
And if mom and dad don't instill these values on to the kids, what kind of adults will the grow into? Can they respect others if they aren't taught ?
Kind of like the kid in this story. Now I do have a few issues with this story.... if you don't actually read it, its about a kid who destroyed a large amount of make up samples at an expensive store. At least, they think it's a kid. Though the samples destroyed were on a higher shelf... and I have never understood the samples myself - but just because I don't use them, doesn't mean that a lot of damage wasn't done.
But it does go to illustrate my point. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to speak poor of parents … I think it's probably one of the hardest things on earth, and that's part of why I don't want kids (that and about 100 other reasons but some of it starts getting personal, and it would take hours to write all of it) - and I actually do realize that sometimes the kid(s) will act up, mom and dad can't be there 1000 percent of the time, but I think that in most cases of poor behavior in public - the parents are at the root of it. Even if they can't prevent it, they can stop it or use it for teaching .
A Sephora shopper shared a Facebook post suggesting parents should leave their kids at home when makeup shopping, but she told INSIDER she isn't shaming moms.
33 people like this
33 responses
@GreatMartin (23672)
• Ft. Lauderdale, Florida
4 Nov 18
I decided in my teens that I was too selfish to have/want kids and it was one of the smartest decisions I ever made---yes, I made a few!
In any case in your example above I wouldn't hesitate to tell the manager to say something to the parents.
As a server for many years I had no problem telling parents to corral their kids in the restaurant if they got up from the table and I am sure some of my tips were affected by it BUT I do remember getting a round of loud applause when I did it once in a fairly upper scale I was working in!
7 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
5 Nov 18
And I think you are wise to do it. A lot of people seem to think it is a bad, or wrong thing to not have kids. I think it's a smart move , esp. if one knows that they wouldn't be the best match for raising a youngster.
Me? Well - since about the time I was 10, I've had to make my dad the top priority due to several conditions of his getting worse. Don't play too loud. Might offend dad. Can't go to your friends, dad needs you here. You want to stay at the fair? Well you can't, you need to leave because your dad is having a spell and you need to put his needs first …. etc. Those types things. I gave up my childhood and part of my adulthood so that he could be more comfortable. So it hit me early on, when I was a teen - uh, I've already had to do these "parent" like things (and continue to have to) - and I really don't want to have to do them again - even if it's for an actual child.
That's awesome. I actually didn't think of that. I thought on saying something to the kids. Or the folks (but I didn't even know who the belonged with) but not the staff. Wonderful Idea.
I would applaud you, too!
1 person likes this
@xander6464 (44387)
• Wapello, Iowa
6 Nov 18
@GreatMartin it was one of the smartest decisions I ever made---yes, I made a few!------I demand a recount!
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
7 Nov 18
@xander6464 Well, Martin does live in Florida, that was smart too. No winter. :-)
1 person likes this
@GardenGerty (160883)
• United States
4 Nov 18
Parenting has to start the day you bring the kids home from the hospital. To learn proper public behavior they need small exposures at a time to practice good behavior. In your situation, the restaurant hostess or manager should have spoken to the parents. I agree it is poor parenting. It is tiring to think of, even.
4 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
5 Nov 18
Ah you are wise. That makes sense actually -- good sense. A little one might not understand rules in public, it's all new to them. So small exposures to kid friendly places... wisedom!
I didn't even think about speaking to the staff.
@DWDavis (25805)
• United States
4 Nov 18
I agree with you completely that bratty misbehaved children are the fault of their parents. Even the original 1971 movie Willie Wonka and the Chocolate Factory explained this. As the oompa loompas sang, "Who do blame when the child is a brat...The Mother and The Father."
3 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
5 Nov 18
Oh that's a great movie! And a great explanation
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
7 Nov 18
@playertwo Before my time too, but just by a little bit lol
1 person likes this
@amadeo (111938)
• United States
4 Nov 18
well said there Faye.Parents are at fault.They were problem talking on the cell phones and could care less.
I had rowdy children.They are loud and very rude.My kids were not like this.but that another story.
Mom and dad are the blame.They think it is cute not.
I recall a way back when one was very rude.No I did not touch him would not.but scowl at mom and day on the phone doing nothing.
No respect.You are right Faye.They do not teach or some to their children.
3 people like this
@andriaperry (117130)
• Anniston, Alabama
5 Nov 18
Yes that is the parents 100%. I don`t have kids but love them and have always been smothered with little ones, since I was 13. I taught kids not to play in stores and not to cry when they do not get stuff. I simply told them if they misbehaved I would not take them with me anymore, And the biggest thing was if I did not have much money I told them no treats this time.
3 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
5 Nov 18
Ah - that is good motivation. Thanks for being responsible with them
@snowy22315 (181942)
• United States
5 Nov 18
What gets me is when people are standing in line and parents (yes parents) decide it is playtime with the kids and start roughousing or playing around with them..oh please, just stand and wait like everybody else!
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
7 Nov 18
Oh yes, in that case the parent is modeling the bad behavior. I don't want to get socked in the face just because someone else is rough housing and cavorting around
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
5 Nov 18
Thank you for being a responsible parent and raise responsible kids.
I won't forget this one time - restaurant. The mom is following the toddler boy around. Would you like to sit here? Or here? How about this booth? This table. The kid made several laps around the restaurant with the mom in tow asking what place he might like to sit at.
I was amazed. Even I can figure out - hes a toddler. He doesn't know where he wants to sit. Find him a place to sit.
@gnatsmom (2560)
•
4 Nov 18
AMEN!! I have said for years that parents are to blame for poorly behaved kids. It is not the school's, church's, or society to rear decent, civilized human beings. That responsibility falls on the parent. Parents and children should be held responsible for bad behavior.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
5 Nov 18
Oh so true! I understand the rest - school, church, society …. are influences, but the main responsibility is the parents I agree
@Courage7 (19633)
• United States
4 Nov 18
It really is the parents thats mostly true and most likely in this case too Faye.
Did you still try to have a nice meal anyway?
I am sorry this happened to you.
A kid spat on me in Burger King once Faye..unreal I tell you he was only about 5 or 6 and parents did nothing.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
5 Nov 18
Oh yes, thank you, I tried to avoid where they were couhing though.
Why would a kid spit on you? That's so inexcusable! Worse the parents did nothing
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
7 Nov 18
@Courage7 I think I would have said something, or maybe spit back gr.
1 person likes this
@Courage7 (19633)
• United States
5 Nov 18
@FayeHazel I do not know it was really appalling what a rotten brat he was.
1 person likes this
@MommyOfEli2013 (84183)
• Rupert, Idaho
5 Nov 18
I'm just so glad my son doesn't behave like that out in public. He has thrown some fits, which is a whole other story....but in this case I think it's the parents fault too.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
5 Nov 18
Ah, yes, the occasional fit or tantrum is understandable, ….
since yours doesn't act like that, it means you are raising him well. Thank you for being a good parent
1 person likes this
@MommyOfEli2013 (84183)
• Rupert, Idaho
5 Nov 18
@FayeHazel His fits can be crazy though, lol.
Thank you though, we really try our best with him...I see other kids act that way and I always am thankful he's behaved besides those fits.
1 person likes this
@MommyOfEli2013 (84183)
• Rupert, Idaho
5 Nov 18
@playertwo That's true....my son is almost 5 and wears me out lol.
1 person likes this
@ledante (1086)
• Taipei, Taiwan
4 Nov 18
I am not a fan of children either, they're always running around obliviously and without regard for their own safety. That just means I have to be extra careful around them and I resent that. But you can make faces at them and that's totally cool, so do that and pretend you didn't...
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
5 Nov 18
Ah thank goodness I'm not alone in my feelings on kids.
LOL I like your solution, too
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
7 Nov 18
@playertwo Oh yeah, I never meant to imply that all kids were bad, though the bad ones do seem to stand out more than the good ones, because they're causing a scene
@ledante (1086)
• Taipei, Taiwan
6 Nov 18
@FayeHazel some kids love it, others freak out but it is almost always worth doing
1 person likes this
@SophiaMorros (5044)
• Belews Creek, North Carolina
5 Nov 18
I have family that comes to visit with small children. I won't go out to eat with them anymore because they don't make the kids stay put at the table. I firmly believe that children who disturb other guests at a restaurant have no business being in a restaurant.
My oldest child was a bit of a monster when he was a toddler and there were many, many meals that I spent out in the car with him buckled in his car seat screaming his little head off while my husband and the friends we were with finished their meals.
That child is now 24 and knows how to behave in public.
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
5 Nov 18
Welcome to My Lot!
I don't blame you at all for not going out to eat with those relatives. I have often wondered what happens to kids like that as they grow up? Will they have manners and be polite? Or simply not know any better?
I commend you for being a responsible parent - and removing the child from the situation. Not many people do that I don't think. But then again, come to think on it a person wouldn't know that, because - the situation is being handled. Thank you for being a responsible parent and raised a responsible young adult.
@Leesandra (38)
• Romania
5 Nov 18
Hey!
I’m a mom of a 5 year old boy. Didn’t want children, it happened and I am grateful for it, because he’s the love of my life :).
So here is my perspective: I am doing my best to educate him. I, myself, am a person that always is paying attention not to disturb people around me. I don’t talk loud, I am polite and so on. But! With all my best intentions and education, my son sometimes acts out. And that’s because little children don’t handle well frustration. No matter how often you’ll explain to them, no matter how good the example you’re offering, they will sometime have tantrums. Sure, there are parents that don’t give a damn about annoying the rest of the “audience” when in a public space. But it’s not the case I am talking about. I’m just talking about the inevitable. Have a little mercy, us, parents, are doing our best! :)
2 people like this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
5 Nov 18
Thanks for your input. I was hoping I wasn't being too very harsh on the parents out there. I can totally understand the occasional outburst in public, it's bound to happen -- I was meaning more along the lines of - like the little boys who were running/playing/coughing on the food for an extended amount of time, or "that" parent who lets the child scream the entire (extended) amount of time that the parent is in the store.
By the way I have wondered - I know with small children they may be too young to understand when someone tries to reason with them. What do you do then?
Welcome to My Lot
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72183)
• United States
7 Nov 18
First off let me day it is 100% fine if you do not want and never have kids. I have friends who do not want kids and feel so judged by others who think there is something wrong with them. There isn't. It's fine to not want to have children. I have an aunt who never had kids and an uncle who never had kids. Siblings.
When my kids were small and I took them to restaurants I took things with them to keep them busy like books and activity sheets while waiting for our food. At a buffet we would go together and I would put what they wanted on a plate for them. If they were sick and coughing I wouldn't have taken them to a buffet to begin with.
Anytime I went to dinner with my parents and my sister and her kids I was always so embarrassed. They would tell and jump all over the seats and run around the restaurant and the adults just let them. I hated it. I would have to sit and discipline my kids who wanted to get down and run with their cousins.
1 person likes this
@shaggin (72183)
• United States
8 Nov 18
@FayeHazel Her son was 21 months when my daughter was born then her daughter followed 4 months later. So pretty close in age and wanting to run around together. Tough when her kids were allowed but I didn't let mine.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
7 Nov 18
Thanks for the validation, you are right ... some people say it is greedy to not have kids. I don't understand how. The earth has plenty of people on it. I think it's greedy when people who are not prepared to be responsible parents - have kids. (just the irresponsible parents, not the ones who put time, effort into raising good kids into good adults)
That was smart, something to keep the kids entertained and bless you for keeping them away for buffet style eating while sick.
Oh that must have been really uncomfortable with you sister and her kids, esp. if your kids were also young at that time.
Thank you for being a responsible parent
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
8 Nov 18
@shaggin Ah yes, similar ages, I can imagine it would stir up your , well behaved kids to see her kids galloping around like that
1 person likes this
@xander6464 (44387)
• Wapello, Iowa
7 Nov 18
I feel the same way about kids. I have never regretted the decision to not have any.
That's really sad what happened because your meal was ruined and you were essentially trapped there...Well, you could have stopped eating but that would be a waste. But at least you kept calm so you get Karma points for it.
1 person likes this
@xander6464 (44387)
• Wapello, Iowa
7 Nov 18
@FayeHazel A lot of people just don't understand not wanting to have kids. I find that very strange.
Some people seem to enjoy confrontation...But I just don't see how getting into a shouting match with a bunch of strangers in a public place...which is what these things often turn into...is any fun. Even if you win, it still seems like everyone loses. And there was no way to undo the damage the kids did by sneezing and coughing on the food...I guess further damage could be prevented but that's only a maybe cause it'd still be up to the parents.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
7 Nov 18
Ah thank goodness. It seems like most people have or want kids. It can feel a little strange to be in the minority there. :-)
Thanks! Actually, as much as I would like to take credit - I didn't say anything because I hate confrontation. Ha. Actually thought on saying something to the kids - then thought on saying something to the adults instead, but I couldn't even figure what table they belonged with.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
7 Nov 18
@xander6464 I know , right? Some people seem to think not having kids is greedy. How is it greedy, exactly? I'm unsure. I think it's greedy when people who are not prepared to be responsible parents - have kids.
I know. To be honest my dad is one of those people who enjoys confrontation. He loves it. Thrives on it. Tried to get a shouting match going at his own Dr's appointment yesterday. Made a big scene in front of other patients who were waiting to be seen. I tried to keep him calm.... when he whispered to me that he just wanted to upset the other people who were in the waiting room. Why would you want to do that? I wanted to ask him, but, it's better he's trying to irritate other people, who can get away from him, than me and my mom. Though when I think about it - they say in little kids - that kids act up sometimes because it gets them attention, even if it's negative attention. Maybe that's it with him.
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67081)
• United States
6 Nov 18
To me, kids over 5 should always be blamed for their actions as they should know better. But the parents should of course be blamed too. Especially at a resturant!
1 person likes this
@Courtlynn (67081)
• United States
7 Nov 18
@FayeHazel well yes, all kids should know manners. But. More times than not little kids don't listen, whether you try to teach them or not. Which is why most the time, the blame should be on both the child and the parents.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
7 Nov 18
Hm. Interesting. I suppose as the child gets older they know more.
(this is from someone, me, who until recently thought that 2 year olds were like little bitty babies.... nope!)
Parents should have taught them manners before they got to 5
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
7 Nov 18
@Courtlynn I agree with that. I also wonder how adults get things across to kids who may not be able to understand certain of concepts
@Hannihar (130213)
• Israel
5 Nov 18
@FayeHazel
Faye, I understand completely what you are saying. I will give you an example of something that happened to me. I worked in a bookstore and this mother and son came in. She was very rude and so was the son.She did not say anything to apologize. These were people that left Israel and maybe come back for visits and think they can act like they own things. Now, there are parents that are very good people and sometimes their children are not so I wonder.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130213)
• Israel
6 Nov 18
@FayeHazel
Some people are like that. We have recycling here. A boy once was stuffing something in the paper recycling that did not fit and I kept telling him it does not belong there but I think he said his parents said he can put it there. That was wrong and they did not understand what was suppose to be put where for recycling so they passed the wrong information on to him That happens.
1 person likes this
@Hannihar (130213)
• Israel
6 Nov 18
@playertwo
Some people I think show their true colors in the beginning and keep showing them.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
5 Nov 18
Wow, how rude. No wonder the son was also rude. Sounds like he has a poor example.
She makes a bad impression for everyone else, too that way
1 person likes this
@nela13 (58720)
• Portugal
5 Nov 18
That is parents fault, they dont educate their children as they should. I have too kids and when we go out and are with friends they always say that my kids' behaviour is fantastic. They are kids just like all the others, they play, laugh... But they also ask please, say Thank you, stop If tell them to stop and never act like If they are at Home because they aren't.
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
7 Nov 18
Thank you for being a responsible parent and raising well mannered, polite kids :-)
1 person likes this
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
7 Nov 18
Yes I've wondered at that. When I was a kid all it took was a sharp glance, or a word or 2. Scolding left me in tears. Today - I've seen parents screaming and yelling at kids and it doesn't even phase them, they continue to misbehave. Not that I think screaming and yelling are necessarily good things... it has made me wonder at the change.
@FayeHazel (40243)
• United States
8 Nov 18
@debjani1 No, I would love to know what the reason is. One guess is - 1) parent's don't follow through with punishments another guess maybe there is something in the media that these kids see that encourages this ?
