Help a mama out...
@BridgetThompson (252)
January 24, 2019 6:19pm CST
Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with all of the things my kids do. I of course love them dearly but am always looking for advice and tips on how to handle different things better. I have 6 children and they seem to have a hard time following simple directions and rules. For instance, tonight my 11 year old son was eating dinner. I made his plate and gave it to him, he had black-eye peas, steamed broccoli and carrots and a child sized chicken breast. This was a normal amount of food for him to eat, it wasn't much and he usually eats this amount with ease. Tonight he ate the chicken breast and then when I turned my back to pack the lunches he threw his plate containing all of his beans and steamed vegetables into the garbage. When I turned back around to see who was finished eating and to offer them a small dessert he had also taken a bite out of a fresh apple. When I asked him why he threw his plate away when he had not eaten any of it he looked at me with a straight face and said "I was full."
I let that process for a couple of minutes before replying.
Knowing I was upset and that I may respond rudely in that moment I decided not to say anything just yet. Once he had eaten about one half of the apple I decided that I would make him throw it away. I told him that he knows the rules of our home are that he should have finished his food or if he truly was full he should have followed the rules of showing me his plate and asking to be excused. This way I could decide weather or not he truly ate enough. The rules also are that if you throw your dinner away you do not get any more snacks or any dessert, if there is dessert that night you will not get any.
Anyway, all of that being said here is the issue. He broke several rules, and does so on a day to day basis. He tends to be quite disrespectful towards me but has no problems with behavior when his father is in the room. I have tried various punishments as well as having talks with him, nothing seems to work. He lied straight to my face by saying "I was full" when clearly he was not full because he would not have gone straight to get a sweet fruit. What can I do to make him be more respectful? Have you experienced anything like this in the past? I seriously need some words of encouragement today even if you do not have any advice to give. I just want to be respected. I do understand things happen and I am not overly strict if it is a slip up here or there but the thing is, he disrespects me, blatantly disobeys me or the rules I provide, disregards what I tell him to do or that he is not allowed to do, almost on a daily basis. I am getting very tired of this behavior he is exhibiting.
3 people like this
6 responses
@DianeBorg (785)
• Malta
25 Jan 19
Maybe you should talk to your husband (since he seems ok with him) and maybe he would have a talk with him and see why is he behaving like that.
1 person likes this
@BridgetThompson (252)
•
25 Jan 19
Well, that is good advice and actually this is what i did when the issue started. My son only says "I don't know" :(
1 person likes this
@DianeBorg (785)
• Malta
25 Jan 19
@BridgetThompson May try to talk to your other children, maybe he told them something or maybe they can discover what the problem is..
@ThreeTeddies (2038)
• United Kingdom
25 Jan 19
You are doing the hardest job in the world and nobody ever said it would be easy. Best advice I can give is to roll with the punches and don't take too much to heart
1 person likes this
@BridgetThompson (252)
•
25 Jan 19
Thank you! Yes, i think that is good advice actually. I know at this age they start to challenge their parents.
@pjmurphy (2499)
• United States
27 Jan 19
I was a single mom when my daughters were growing up, so it was sometimes difficult. I remember one morning as we were all getting ready to leave the house my younger daughter was being very grumpy. So I got grumpy too, and when we all left the house that day, I was feeling angry and resentful. Then I thought, I'm the grown up here. She was complaining about the clothes she had to wear. I did not have much money then, and her choices were very slim. She was wearing hand-me-downs and didn't like what she had. So I took my credit card and went out and bought her a couple of new outfits that day, something that I didn't usually do. It was a small thing to do, and she did really, really need them.
My point is, it's not easy being a mom, and I think women have it harder sometimes gaining respect. The rewards I think, and I'm sure you do too, are worth it. You're doing the right thing by reaching out to others for support. I think discussing these things with your husband would also be good, and I also think it's okay to tell your son that you don't like it when he's disrespectful, in a kindly way. Sometimes there may be things going on in their lives that you are not aware of that make them seem more difficult. And remember, they didn't ask to be born.
I just had a call earlier this evening from that daughter who was giving me a hard time when she was in 2nd grade. She was talking to me about problems she was having with her daughter. Those moments will be your rewards. Hang in there.
@Namelesss (3365)
• United States
25 Jan 19
Kids are not just kids they are miniature human beings, we sometimes forget that. Often the words "I was full" only means I didn't want that. Be careful with children especially when accusing them of lying. Often their 'lies' are not so much lies as just having no other idea how to express what they really mean or really want to say.
Another thing I see is the respect angle. I know you want respect, what parent doesn't. I know you likely aren't going to like what I say next but you do come across as someone who prides honesty. So being honest I have found the person demanding respect is often the same person who doesn't deserve it nearly as much as they think they do. Now this is coming solely from my own experiences.
For details I can only tell you what I have done when my own kids go off kilter. I change things up. For instance it might help all around if he and all the children got the apple first like an appetizer.
Anyway, parenting is hard work as you well know. Good luck , take a break and breathe, breathe, breathe. Kudos for biting your tongue. Believe me I know how hard that is sometimes.
@BridgetThompson (252)
•
25 Jan 19
They all had apples with peanut butter when they got home from school. This son of mine in particular eats many each day when I have them. Yesterday he had 5. FIVE apples. So they are his favorite. Which is fine. However him breaking the rules and going against what the rules are and have always been is what is not fine. As far as the person demanding respect being undeserving? I have not purchased myself a new clothing item in over five years. This child of mine (not to mention the others) gets EXPENSIVE clothing every single week. He gets all name brand, shirts usually range between $45-$80 and pants anywhere from $40-$150. I pay a phone bill for all of my children $60 per month each. I sacrifice eating nice meals during the day and have ramen noodles so that I can pack them very good and nutritious meals. I take him to his practices each day, and spend a lot of money on his education and on his extra curricular activities. I stay up until 11-12 at night so that I can iron their clothes and make sure they look great at school. I wake around 4 am. I speak to them respectfully and I get complemented daily by strangers, teachers, other parents etc on how involved I am and how much I do for all of my children. If that does not deserve simple respect...I dont know what does. Thank you for your input.
@BridgetThompson (252)
•
25 Jan 19
Also, it is not just this. The problem is ongoing. For instance last week I grounded him from his video games for the week due to him performing poorly on his homework, he was rushing each night on it so he could go play the video games. So I took them away as punishment. Three times I caught him on the video games after he knew he was told not to get on them for the next 7 days. The first time was 20 minutes after I told him he was grounded.
@debjani1 (7202)
•
25 Jan 19
I think you can talk to the councillor. How old is he? I am sure counselling will be a long term process, but this will be a great help for sure.
@BridgetThompson (252)
•
25 Jan 19
i do not thing counseling works. My mom put me in it when I was young and it did nothing but make me feel bad about myself like something was wrong with me.
