Have you ever used foul language?

Does it help in reducing irritation or blood pressure?

@vandana7 lol.. no idea it just gets more free feeling from that NPC thinking we think is professional and decent to live in society.

Standing up for self is according to me a must, especially if you know that you are in right. Had I not used those stunning words, I could possibly have ended in hospital with broken arm or ribs or nose. Do you know what I did after taking that abuse? I sold my ear rings, (1 one them) went to eat ice cream, and then for a movie. I needed the money for paying rent and food, and while ice cream and movie were not planned and pinched my pocket back then, I still went for it, because I felt I owed it to me for fighting back. Yes, I called my cousin ugly black pock marked man and his drunkard father ugly man with sagging lip because of lack of discipline. Wow from where did I get that language? I was glad that I said it then rather than wish I did it afterwards and cuss me for not having said it. I think there is difference between those who choose not to fight back and others. I am glad I am at this end of the fence. I do not know if it is the right way or not. But I sure feel better for it.

@vandana7 You did what you thought was right. And I liked the way you treated your self. Very few will have that nerve after such abuses. Most will end up self pitying or depressed but you could see yourself as a fighter.

@anil02 Well, they are not "dear" for sure. LOL

The point is they are "near" only genetically, definitely not "dear".

@vandana7 If they are near no one knows when them became dear.

@Shavkat Yeah a control is necessary. Otherwise, even we do not get satisfaction of having used it.

Thank you. It helped to know that I am not alone and good behavior or not, sometimes others too resort to it.

@vandana7 For me, it only triggers when dealing with my evil relatives. I need to be a warrior for the sake of protecting my family.

Over the years, I noticed that if we do not retaliate some, we can get terribly depressed live through those moments again and again and keep crying. Crying over a situation uses up time and prevents progress. Instead a solution is needed. It is not necessary that solution will be perfect or offer perfect relief. But there will be some relief and that is enough. While the hurt at being physically abused does not go away, the fact that I fought back in whatever way I could instead of passively accepting the abuse makes me proud of me. It makes me feel wow, I actually defended the me instead of giving up. Winning or losing was secondary because we can never know the extent of damage at the other end. But at least I hit back.

@vandana7 That is good that you hit back.

I am not sure only Indian men treat women that way. I have not known foreigners in person. Some in India abuse mentally constantly nagging about small and big things, including monies. Many women are kind of terrified of their husbands. In comparison, brahmins treat their womenfolk with more respect than other communities. Other communities I noticed seem to have a good relationship with their spouses, in public. It is not easy to discern the physical or mental abuse. But the way that frustration manifests is enough to identify that everything is not is hunky dory. And I am glad you too would resort to it if pushed to an edge. That sort of exonerates my behavior and makes it seem like a normal thing. :)

You would have seen that most people in this post do use it and may be accept it as normal. I tend to reserve such usage for special occasions as I feel it has more brevity for me, and surprise element for the one on receiving end, getting them worked up and recalling it.

Sometimes it is not right to be putting up with nonsense. This was a battle I needed to stand up against because it was my money they were taking - whole year's rent and food charges. Not easy thing to let go. So I asked them to return it saying it does not belong to them, they laughed and asked me to ask my dad to remit some monies. Then I said you all are really bad like others said. That started beating, and bad words from me.

@vandana7 If you can let it go, then you will have peace of mind for sure. I think peace of mind is the best gift for us. I am telling it from my own experience. I have settled a big amount of debt, which used by some one through me. In the beginning I was also frustrated. Now I felt happy and peace as I did it myself without hurting any one. If I think on the other way, I would loss my peace and would be angry. Having patience and thinking in a different way, surely I have my peace. I took some time to pay off it, sacrificing my many needs, it was not easy either to make a huge amount, but at the end I am satisfied... money will come and go... being selfless means peace.

@Sreekala Money factor is no longer the issue. It is the insulting feeling that is left with you for being beaten up. I was told they are not good folks. They just proved themselves to be. You have to remember, I did not know them much as a child. I did not stay with them for longer than a couple of weeks every second year or so, that too while dad was financing their survival. I did not even know my mother tongue very well back then Sreekala. So I did not understand much of the conversation - just partly. I only spoke in English or Hindi. And if the value of what dad gave to them, and what they took from me is to be gauged in today's world, it would be well over 3 crores. Just to tell you how much has been our loss with that family. Dad completely financed their food and education and rent, was left with no retirement savings only to be beaten up by drunkard brother for monies to buy drinks. He should not have reconciled, but his sister reconciled the two brothers, and I got beaten up. This time I stood firm, and those who are trying to reconcile us again are declaring me to be bad. Like hell. The uncle who tried to reconcile me with the cousin said that time the cousin was young so he made a mistake. The guy was about 7 years older than I, had a daughter who was 3 years old. How can he be young Sreekala? The family accepts that what happened to me was wrong, but they believe I should be forgiving that beating treating as nothing and start moving with them, may be even leave whatever I have in their hands. Can you believe what sort of psychological trauma that would be?

Yes... and I see nothing wrong in using it, if the situation demands it.

@vandana7 You are right, and it is difficult to control it.

They had gotten habituated to taking monies from dad for survival. As things stood, dad lost his job and had to stop giving them. Then he got a job again, but this time he did not want to be found on wrong foot, so he had asked me to run the establishment for him, and since I was not yet earning enough, I was allowed to use some of his funds. I withdrew the funds, and they came to know of it, they came to my place just when the cash was out, and rest is history.

It was a moment of surprise as far as I was concerned. Cash snatched..you do not expect that your cousin and uncle would do that to you knowing fully well that it represents about an year's rent and meals. So yes, it was a surprise. Then I said it does not belong to you, return it, they said you have enough, ask your father to send some monies to you. I said you all are really bad! That began beating and then I started cussing. That is the sequence. I did use foul language of the worst kind.

@vandana7 I see, so it was not from "strangers" but from your own family. I think I would have used foul language too.

I guess I was too stunned when they started abusing me.. before I knew it I was buckling up to avoid their punches and slaps..

@wolfgirl569 Yes. Family that had been sustained for almost 20 years.

@vandana7 Being family would be more surprising.

Yes, deliberately hurting physically or mentally prompts me to don my rude hat. Normally I do not resort to rude language.

@vandana7 I agree with you.

We all do. I go to the extent of highlighting what I do not like, and giving my reasons. But still folks do not stop. It is always the last resort.

It does not make sense even to us if we use it more often than is needed. It should be used rarely then we feel we have used something powerful. And the person standing up against us should never expect us to use it.

LOL...yeah...I have to make up somewhere, right? LOL

This is the usual process. It does not help. It kind of accumulates with interest and after becoming a black goo it comes out. It should be issue based. I have kinda analyzed. If we stand up based on every issue, we are termed fighting type or non co-operative. If we adjust thinking let us not fight all the way, even though we are not happy with the situation, we are unhappy and the day we take firm stand, they will say today something is wrong with her, meaning I was expected to adjust forever to their shrewdness. If we keep on adjusting forever, whether because the situation does not allow us (presence of others being in others home, we being under obligation, etc.), we mull over it thinking I could have done this or that, next time I will do this...you know play the scenario and write script for future interactions. Invariably it goes wrong. The best is stand up for each situation. To hell with what another person thinks about us, at least we are happy as long as we are not in wrong.

For a specific reason or every time you are annoyed?