Did you ever ignore advice, follow your instinct, and get it right?

Hi Rufo! Thanks for your contribution. Yeah, I think, in the end, even when we ask advice from others, we still need to make a decision about which advice to follow. But how do you decide if you get different opinions about what to do?

@Borlotti I can sort them out on a piece of paper and weigh them down to get the final decision.

@Shavkat Cool! I do that a lot. I write down all the possibilities and then I give them a score on how helpful or possible or true or whatever they seem and then I add up the scores. I don't use that to make my decision but it helps me to figure out which ones are worth thinking about, if that makes sense. You obviously have very logical mind. Do you/have you studied math and science or are you just naturally like that?

Hi rhuenz! Thanks so much for sharing. In the end I guess even when we listen to advice we still need to make up our own minds, right?

@Borlotti It wasn't easy, because I have little confidence in myself, I am still working on it. I always tell myself that if I will not believe in myself, then who will? But there are lots of instances that I am glad I listened to others. Over the years we will develop relationships with people who really care about us and we will soon recognize which advices are borne out of concern. Like when I was dating this boy in college, everyone in school thought that I was so lucky to get the attention of this amazing guy. When I introduced him to my parents, my mom put her foot down and told me never to see him again. I really do not want to, but after 4 months I chose my mom, hoping the guy will understand or even fight for me to my parents. He never did and I hated my mom for a bit. Two years later, after we graduated, we found out that his live-in partner was rushed to the ER because he almost killed her when he hit her.

@Raine38 Oh my gosh, what a frightening story! I'm so glad you followed your mom's advice. Do you know what happened to him? I hope they called the police. It's great that over the years you've developed relationships you can trust. I've got a few, I guess, but sometimes they lose patience with me because I can get so worried about everything and then they maybe need a break and i don't hear for a while. I try to be good and I believe in being kind to others, but that's not always enough, is it? You know, like, you learned to have confidence and trust yourself - how? or did it just happen naturally over time?

That's really interesting, Raine38 - thank you for sharing. Yeah, I'm happy that worked out for you. One thing for me is that I've had some really bad relationships with men and always when I thought I was in love even when my friends maybe said I should not go with that guy. So in that case, following my instincts was wrong and I got hurt (not physically, just emotionally). So, I try to listen to others now. Have you always had the courage to "follow your gut" or did you have to teach yourself?

Hi Rakski! That's what I do, too. Getting advice is the easy part, it's weighing up the pros and cons where it get complicated, right? Do you have a special way you do that or is it different every time?

@Borlotti I usually right it done first. then I asked advice and I explained also the pros and cons to the person I asked advice to

@rakski That's really interesting! You're very logical, too, like @Shavkat. I think writing things down is a real help, right? Sometimes just trying to hold it all in your head can get so confusing! But in the end, do you just "work it out" like a math problem, or do you decide by instinct? That's the point I always get stuck!

@Borlotti Thank you for such kind words. I've always had very strong gut feelings. My parents also always encouraged going with the gut. You know how after you mess up you say I knew I should have ____. Well that was your gut and yes you should have. People are notoriously self-negative. We don't trust our self, believe in our self, love our self or even like our self. We are taught to trust the government, believe in God. love everybody else and like our situation. Ask yourself, what is the worst thing that could happen if I get it wrong. I will tell you what you get when you get it right - confidence. But no I had to 'learn' confidence. Here's a great mantra for you, I've used it myself throughout life. "Fake it till you Make it"

Hi Nameless! That's a cool contribution - thank you so much! I'm glad that following your instincts is the right way for you and I like that it's always worked out. That' really interesting! But the best thing for me in your comment is about learning to trust ourselves and doing that by making mistakes. I think that I often don't trust myself to get things right and that's why I don't follow my instincts. Did you always have this kind of self-confidence or was it something you had to learn?

@Namelesss Thank you for that advice! I like it, but parts of it make me feel a bit nervous, too. I guess ignoring God is one of them. Don't you believe in God? (Don't worry, I won't try and convert you -- it's up to you!) The other thing is "Fake it till you make it". Does that mean lie about myself until I find a way to be a better person? I'm sorry, I'm not very smart. I maybe didn't get it right...

@Borlotti it does make sense

Hi Teti, that's a really important point that whatever the opinions and ideas of other people, the only person who can truly know you is, well... you! On the other hand, I've heard it said that because we're "inside" ourselves, if you like, we need the perspective of other folk to really understand who we are. Does that make sense to you?

@Cheyee Thank you for mentioning me. I think it is the right thing for us to consider.

@Borlotti Yes, by taking our time we may miss opportunities but we may also avoid terrible disasters. So, personally I will continue to be cautious! There is a saying that my parents used to say that the one that goes slow, goes far!

@kanuck1 I like that, Ken! That's more-or-less where I'm at. Your parents were pretty smart, too, I think. Do you know the story of the hare and the turtle?

Hi Ken, we're "birds of a feather" I reckon! That's how I go about it. The problem is that sometimes it takes so long, and other times I just can't make up my mind. Do you ever feel that you've maybe missed out on opportunities because you spent too long working out what to do?

Hi Marlina! Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I agree that getting the facts is always a good place to start. But I wonder if it's always so easy to figure out what the facts are, especially when people have totally different ideas? What do you think?

@Borlotti I follow my first idea... my mother in law always told me that the first idea is all the time the best.

@LadyDuck You see, Anna, that's exactly what I never do! Or at least I might in the end, but not before I've made mistakes along the way. Maybe I question my instincts too much and that makes me doubt? I guess that your mother must have learned to follow her first instincts somehow. Has she ever told you her story?

Hi Anna, thanks so much for your response! That sound to me like a balanced and sensible way of doing things. What do you do if you get conflicting advice?

@Borlotti Yes, it has always worked for me.

Hi Thelma! Thanks for sharing. So, you have a sort of balance between listening to advice and following your own instinct. That's cool. I'm going to think about that! Does it ALWAYS work for you?

@thelme55 Wow! That's amazing! I guess you're doing something right. Thank you so much for sharing. Did someone teach you this way or did you have to learn it for yourself?

@Borlotti Thank you very much. You are not timid. You are cautious and have every right to be. I have taken advice and I know the person meant well, but, I have to listen to me in certain circumstances. I do not consider myself brave. I just have to do what I feel is best for me. It was not how I was brought up. My grandfather was the only one there for me. The rest of my family knew understood or knew me. I have been led astray when I first came to live here and it is late to undo things that others have told me I should do. Now, on certain things I have to decide for myself and stick to what I feel is why I do what I feel is best for me.

@Hannihar Thank you so much for your kind words and for sharing. But I am actually timid, you know! It sounds like your family wasn't so good when you were younger and so you had to learn to trust yourself. But your grandfather must have been special. I'm glad he was there for you. You must have fond memories of him. Or maybe he's still around?

Hi Hanni, so cool to hear from you! I think you're very brave to go by your instincts. And I understand that often we might take advice that turns out to be bad advice. I wonder why some people like me are timid and cautious about listening to their "instincts" and others, like you, are brave and feel confident with that. Is that how you were brought up or is it something you learned on your own?

@Borlotti Both my wife and I work. I am a salesman for a concrete mixer truck and batch plant parts seller, and my wife is a pharmacy tech at a major hospital in St. Louis. We make pretty good money with the jobs, but also make a lot of money from the stock market and other ventures.

Hi Jim! Thanks for sharing. I'm glad you're doing well for money. I wish I was! I mean, I'm not going hungry or anything and I have a roof over my head, but sometimes I wish I had a little more. Do you work for someone or are you self-employed, or what? I do cleaning work via an agency (or I did before Covid). Any advice would be VERY welcome, especially from someone who is successful.

@Borlotti i have always been this way

Hi sophie! Thanks for sharing your thoughts, that's interesting. I guess that self-reliance, or self-trust is something I don't have so easily. I admire you for that. Have you always been that way or did you have some experience that taught you to trust yourself more?

@Borlotti its okay, it was a long time ago haha, my friends were proud that i was in a relationship hence why they didnt want me to make a rash decision to give up. Also, they didnt know (nor did they read the signs) that our relationship was toxic until after i broke up.

@nigelkoay Thanks. I think I've been in a few toxic relationships. But sometimes it's hard to know, because all relationships need some commitment and work, don't they? How do you think you can tell when you're in a toxic relationship?

Hi Nigel. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I'm sorry you were in that toxic relationship. But I'm glad you got out of it despite your friends telling you to stay. But why would your friends want you to be in a toxic relationship, that's what I don't get?

Hi! You make a great point about getting advice to pick up on ideas you might not have had yourself. That's one reason I always ask around. Thank you so much for sharing!

Hi Hate2Iron! I hate ironing, too, lol! Thanks for your response, though. You're the first person on here to admit that you follow your judgement after you take advice but that you don't always get it right. Thank you so much for being so honest. I guess that that may be one reason why sometimes we don't get good advice from others, because we haven't actually been honest with them about what the problem maybe really is. What do you think? Are you always honest with other people?

@Borlotti Yes, to both questions.

Hi Valerie. Thank you so much. So, in a way, for you, your instinct is like "God's voice" inside you, telling you what's the right thing to do? Do you ever turn to the Bible to get specific advice with a specific problem or do you always trust God to speak to you directly?

Hi Christie! Thanks for sharing your story. It seems like you've changed the way you make decisions since before and that now you're older you're more independent in the way you think things through. Is that just from "growing up" d you think, or was there some special thing that happened, or you realized, that made you change like that?

Hi Simone! Thanks for your ideas. Does the advice your friends give you ever change your gut instincts? And do you find you always, or almost always, make the right decisions like that?