Blurting ...bad vanny

@vandana7 (100214)
India
December 31, 2020 2:49am CST
So my neighbor has been on my mind for quite a while. It started with her telling a tenant downstairs who came to invite me for her daughter's wedding. We Hindus apply vermillion dot on forehead of the lady asking her to come to the wedding. It is an honor to be invited. Traditionally, it was meant as such because it imposed a duty on the invitee to be witness of the marriage, and should either bride or bridegroom try to marry someone else, the person imposed with this duty would be bound to stand up for the aggrieved. Naturally, it implies that the person who is being invited in that manner, is of a high integrity. Some idjit decided widows cannot have that "integrity". And another idjit decided unmarried girls too cannot have that integrity. Get what I mean? I know, I know, with marriages being registered, and all that witness stuff being redundant, I should not feel bad if I am not invited and well, I am absolutely fine with that too. Who has time and energy to visit so many marriages, and take risk with food at this age. But what was annoying was my neighbor told this person inviting me that "she does not like it, I know", and then turned towards me, and gave a toothy smile saying "isn't it"? That lady was at my doorstep, inviting me, who is this female to try to cut down my social circle? I was brooding internally. Evil vanny. Then she sends her things over saying she will be painting her house. I allow her, because I am not the fighting type. Then she empties her fridge sends me a cake piece that was over 2 months old. Tears stream down my eyes, what is wrong with her. Then after her daughter in law takes away the fridge the MIL arrives again to clean up her house, and stays around for a week or so. She brings some eggs with her. When they expire, she gives them to me. Not knowing that they were expired eggs, I said give them to your servants who have accompanied you. She says they don't want it. Get the picture? What even servants don't want, is fit enough for vanny. Then she uses the services of my house help and tells my house help to take bedsheets and curtains and get them washed at my place. WITHOUT ASKING ME. As if my property is public property. And leaves her things at my place for almost an year, even when I told her take her things back twice. I had to approach her daughter in law through whatsapp to ask her to remove her things from my place. She also asks me to help her shift boxes in the house as if I was her servant. I am better off when compared to her, monetarily. Just that I am unmarried, and that is huge in this part of the world. The only times she ever called me during the last year and a half was when she needed some help from my househelp. In contrast, my other neighbor, they inquire about dad's health from the US, they join in to buy fish so that we get larger fish for dad with fewer bones, and many such things. I felt used, so this morning when the daughter in law arrived (they shifted about two years ago), she asked for vacuum cleaner (mind you they have 2 volkswagons and 1 audi but have frequently used my fridge, my mixer and occasionally my microwave and washing machine. They are rich enough to buy such things. ) I blurted saying I am not ok with her ma in law's attitude. I thought the girl who works in BofA as software engineer would support me, since her own mother is a widow. But she instead tried to justify her ma in law's actions saying may be she felt you were hesitant to tell that lady, because I prevent others from applying vermillion on my mother's forehead. I put my foot down. I am not a widow, and even if I was, I object to that form of treatment. My house, my door, my guests. Actually, I had put my foot down almost 2 months ago, saying, please do not enter my house to this neighbor. She called a meeting of all neighbors, saying we were so friendly using her things, but now she is not allowing me to enter her house...I tried to evade citing COVID as an excuse, then she said, I have not touched anything. She tries to enter our house every other day, and it is irritating as hell. She asks me to whom are you writing your monies, I say charities, so she says ok ok..but my mind is screaming none of your business and definitely not to your grandkids.
16 people like this
16 responses
• New Delhi, India
31 Dec 20
Well, ma’am, it is kinda Indian nature to overindulge in other's house. But from what you say that definitely sounds like they are crossing the line. And her daughter in law would of course support her mother in law because they she has to live with her. All I can say is you should just don’t mind, in fact put up a placard saying “All services stopped due to pandemic related reasons” . That might hold them in place for a while :P
4 people like this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
31 Dec 20
More than line. I did exactly that, pandemic, don't come. But still she comes. That is what is annoying. Even after saying so in plain language.
3 people like this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
31 Dec 20
@ShankyAmbasta Good idea! Excellent idea in fact. Thanks sweetie...
3 people like this
• New Delhi, India
31 Dec 20
@vandana7 Maybe try sneezing and coughing without mask in front of her XD
5 people like this
@LadyDuck (471253)
• Switzerland
31 Dec 20
This person is nosy, rude and ignorant. You expect that someone who is a software engineer should have a more open mind, this one has not. Do not let her come into your house.
3 people like this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
31 Dec 20
Thanks for understanding. At times I feel that I should not be sensitive about such things. But I am. And keeping things at our place for almost an year, offering expired stuff is not ok! When she gave those eggs, I had said let me pay for them. She had said no, because she knew they had expired. Then I said then give to your servants. To which she'd replied, they don't want it. That was very insulting kinda.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
31 Dec 20
@LadyDuck Exactly. Looking down on me is not right. Underlying factor is jealousy of course. But how long do you ignore it? Moreover, that set of expired eggs was supposed to be for obligation repaid, the obligation of having let her use my washing machine and soap for washing her sheets and curtains. LOL Did I tell you? After the clothes were washed, my househelp had left. So this woman was expecting me to dry her clothes. I coolly walked up to her, and told her, clothes are washed please arrange to dry them. She was crest fallen that I called her, her face showed disappointment. Then she called one of the other servants still around, asked her to dry the clothes. Yeah, that servant fate is what I am avoiding by avoiding her.
1 person likes this
@LadyDuck (471253)
• Switzerland
31 Dec 20
@vandana7 She is insulting you, she gives you something that even the servants refused. I get offended by people like that.
1 person likes this
• Pamplona, Spain
31 Dec 20
What a to do you have there. Reminds me right now when I had a certain Gypsy family living above me in the flats and she was always sending her daughter to me and saying "My Mom says to give her two lettuces and she will pay you tomorrow" and I said "I don´t have two lettuces to give to anyone let alone myself" and she looked at me with disdain. The way they went on you would think that we were related also and I kept saying no to every request but they still kept coming sometimes I gave her things just to get rid of her as I was bringing up my kids and did not have time to waste on silly stuff like that. She never once asked me she used to shout it out to the four winds "My Mom says this that and the other". One would think that I had a shop in my house too I shall not put here what I was thinking in English or Spanish which I am very fluent in. The Spanish are much like that they think everyone else´s house is to do with them not much difference really. Great for you to put a sign up if you do but then again I suppose not I totally get what you mean. Wishing you a very Happy New Year and for that lady to be far from your own door and property if that can be so.
2 people like this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
31 Dec 20
No they were not borrowing so much of regular eatables. Rarely some herbs, or eggs.
1 person likes this
@jstory07 (139508)
• Roseburg, Oregon
31 Dec 20
All I can say is what a very rude person to treat you that way. I would not allow her into your house ever again.
3 people like this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
31 Dec 20
I know. My house, my door, my guest, none of her business to be interfering that much. She is not related to me. And even if she were, it is not ok unless asked.
1 person likes this
@xFiacre (12966)
• Ireland
31 Dec 20
@vandana7 You get people like that who don’t respect normal boundaries. However a brazen, nosey, freeloading old crone like that will probably not be devastated if you enforce normal boundaries because I think she’s beyond embarrassment.
3 people like this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
31 Dec 20
I know. The day she held the meeting of three neighbors, she was preventing me entering my home and mentioning that the lady who is in the other building was saying that I wish I could have helped you but I am sick, indirectly suggesting cook for us feed us. But hey, I would never tell that, because that lady is at least 20 years older than this neighbor. So she was willing that a 20 year older woman almost 87 cook for her? I would be the one who would want to cook for that old a person. The daughter in law said she will try to convince her ma in law. But I said no. She was not taking no for no. I have this problem in my life. I don't know why people don't take no for no, even when told explicitly. I explained, now it will magnify because it would be walking on eggshells she would have some grouse, I already have. So lets let it go. She was not accepting that no. I hope it stops.
2 people like this
@Fleura (30330)
• United Kingdom
31 Dec 20
I can't believe you have put up with so much! You are obviously far too kind. They are not even your friends, just happen to be nearby and think they can take advantage. And of course there is absolutely no reason why any person should be treated worse just because they are a widow, or unmarried. First I would have a word with your house help, ask her please not to agree to anything unless she has checked with you first. If the woman asks her to take any laundry for example, she must say 'I will first check with my employer'. Then I would give them a taste of their own medicine. Next time they expect to use any of your things I would tell them something like 'Oh sure, but it isn't working just now, I need a new fuse and for that I need to go to the shops - can I borrow your car?' or some similar reciprocal arrangement. And when they ask what you plan to do with your money you can tell them you are going to give it to some long-lost relative who you have never met because you prefer people who don't bother you all the time LOL
2 people like this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
31 Dec 20
@Fleura It is with building secretary to tackle now. Let us see how he does it.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
31 Dec 20
I looked after their grandkids for real long. 8 years! This is not the treatment I expected from the family. Now, because I have not allowed them to place things in my house, they have placed one chair at the good neighbor's place, and a whole lot of things in the lobby so that movement becomes difficult for us. They are in kinda - talk to us, then we will be in a position to ask you to place these things in your house..mode. For now, we are putting up with the inconvenience. The good neighbor is also the building secretary. He said he will talk to them. So, I am not broaching the topic. We tried that - taste of their own medicine stuff. We asked for their ladder, even though we had one of our own. The lady accompanied and immediately took it back.
2 people like this
@Fleura (30330)
• United Kingdom
31 Dec 20
@vandana7 I think you just have to keep going with the 'treat them as they treat you' thing. Obviously since you looked after the children they now think you are some sort of 'mother's help'. Huh! Can you take the stuff from the lobby and just stack it up or put in some sort of store-room somewhere? Or outside?
1 person likes this
@jaboUK (64354)
• United Kingdom
31 Dec 20
What an awful situation. Here we have a saying - 'an Englishman's home is his castle' and that's how it should be. No-one comes in uninvited.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
31 Dec 20
Mine is hardly a castle. Dad is a hoarder. So he keeps the house in mess. I cannot invite anybody over. Mine is the only room that is somewhat presentable. She kept her things in my room.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (105820)
• Marion, Ohio
31 Dec 20
It sounds like you need to put a full stop to it with all of them.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
31 Dec 20
Today the daughter in law was a surprise. She was never like that with me. You are right.
1 person likes this
• United States
31 Dec 20
i've not a firm understandin' 'f the cultures where ya reside. i fear i'd need bail funds's such'd not continue - one way'r 'nother.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
1 Jan 21
I understand. :) Happy New Year. :)
1 person likes this
• Midland, Michigan
31 Dec 20
I think you need a special lock to keep her out and maybe some bells and whistles to scare her away. She is totally rude and it sounds like she feels entitled.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
1 Jan 21
Yeah, she held a building meeting, 3 members attended. She was kinda telling them we used to share everything and now she is not allowing me in. They were kinda blocking my passage to my door so I had to kinda listen to all that instead of getting in. Very shrewd and clever. But I did not relent back then. The message was loud and clear for anybody who would have been sensitive enough. Not to her. She kept on entering the house. Yesterday ..I could hold back no longer. While it was no brawl or filthy verbiage, it certainly was a few degrees harsher than the previous ways of communication. I think the message might be in. Only time will tell. Happy New Year Marsha. :)
1 person likes this
@DianneN (247186)
• United States
2 Jan 21
Wow! I would not allow such behavior in my own home. She is a very rude and spiteful woman. I hope you can prevent her from entering your house, storing her belongings in it, giving you expired food, and using you.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
2 Jan 21
That is what I told her daughter in law. I feel used and looked down upon, attempt to make me feel inferior, which I am not. This person even held a meeting in the lobby preventing me from entering my home on her supposed rights to enter my home.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
2 Jan 21
@DianneN Actually, that was the final straw I think. I was being so adjusting till then. That I think was the moment I decided enough is enough.
1 person likes this
@DianneN (247186)
• United States
2 Jan 21
@vandana7 I read that. What an attitude she has!
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (339431)
• Rockingham, Australia
5 Jan 21
What a rude, ignorant woman this person is. I don't know what I'd do in your situation. I'm not good at being assertive either.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
5 Jan 21
Being assertive immediately is tough. It can lead to arguments, and fights, which is definitely off agenda. In fact, my reactions are first of internal shock, how should I react to such an insult, then hope that may be she made a mistake and has realized it, and then convincing self, that I am being too sensitive. But then other actions too start getting that hue. Instances, I would not have thought much about start looking wrong. This is the reason I told the daughter in law and insisted that it is a permanent cut off. It is not necessary to move with such disparity in thinking and pick fights at a later date recalling all the past. She is welcome to her thinking within the boundaries of her home, and I am welcome to my thinking, within the boundaries of my home. Right?
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
5 Jan 21
@JudyEv Thanks for understanding. :)
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (339431)
• Rockingham, Australia
5 Jan 21
@vandana7 Yes. You are absolutely and totally right.
1 person likes this
@paigea (36317)
• Canada
31 Dec 20
Oh, that all sounds so frustrating!
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
31 Dec 20
It is. But I blurted today. So results may be visible sometime next year. Happy New Year.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
31 Dec 20
@paigea No...it is about 35 minutes away. But no issues.
1 person likes this
@paigea (36317)
• Canada
31 Dec 20
@vandana7 Happy New Year to you. It is the new year for already, I think?
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (177809)
• United States
31 Dec 20
People like that are so annoying! Just remember that they will have Karma to deal with. Have a safe and Happy New Year's Eve and New Year. Hang in there.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
31 Dec 20
Thank you so much, and same to you. :)
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (177809)
• United States
31 Dec 20
@vandana7 Thank you!
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
31 Dec 20
1 person likes this
@prinzcy (32305)
• Malaysia
31 Dec 20
What a rude person! I can totally understand why you don't want her in your house. I would definitely feel the same way.
1 person likes this
@Namelesss (3365)
• United States
31 Dec 20
When someone is clearly dissing you and treating you like an underclass citizen then you have no obligation to kowtow (bow down) to them. Tell her how it IS, that she is not welcome them sneeze in her direction.
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100214)
• India
31 Dec 20
LOL...I quite like the suggestion. LOL. She is like that.
1 person likes this