Functional or Dysfunctional

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That is the question. If you have a family like mine, the answer is dysfunctional. Some of you have known me for years. Some of you don't know me at all. Let me give you a short backstory about my family life. I'm an introvert. Loner. Stay at home type. I prefer it that way. Growing up was hard. I received a lot of puncture wounds in my back from all the backstabbing. Hence my penchant for keeping to myself. I had two brothers and one sister. My brother closest in age passed a few years ago. I'm the oldest. They made fun of me a lot so I didn't put myself out for anyone. I still don't. I don't interfere in anyone's life. My late ex was good at making me feel worthless. It wasn't until after the divorce that I started seeing myself through God's eyes, not mine or someone else's. Still, life was difficult. With my husband's lack of respect for me, my children have no respect for me. I did my best to raise them. Heaven knows he wouldn't lift a finger to raise them or be the head of the house. That responsibility fell on my shoulders. So, I got the blame when anything went wrong. Today, I have no relationship with my older son who blames me for everything in his life. My daughter is almost a stranger. We had some difficulties in her younger days, which of course she holds against me. It has taken a lot of work on my part to get to the point where she admits she loves me. My younger son is the only one I spend any amount of time with, as most of you know. Still, I never know how they really feel about me. It didn't surprise me that I was the low man/woman on the totem pole when my daughter came back to Green Bay for a short visit. I didn't know if she would find time for me. I'm just glad she did. We had a very good visit for about an hour maybe more. I even got a hug or two from her. We've come a long way and still have a long way to go before our relationship is functional, not dysfunctional. I know some of you wonder about my car. As I said, I'm not high on my children's list of people to spend time with. My son will contact his friend next week. Nothing will be done this weekend as he's taking his sister to Chicago so she can visit her older son, and get her to the airport tomorrow to fly back to Austin, Texas. He'll also have a good visit with his nephew. I didn't ask to go along. I didn't want to embarrass myself with a negative response about why it wouldn't be good to go along. I know when I'm not wanted. I'm also certain he has a full car. He, his girlfriend, sister, and nephew are in the car. So, you know there isn't room for me. I'm not telling you this to make you feel sorry for me. Just so you will know me a little bit more and why things are the way they are. Do I wish I had a loving family? Yes. Do I wish my children would want to see me first before their friends? Yes. Do I want to hear from them more often? Yes. Maybe someday it will happen. Only God knows. My life and my family are in His hands. Thanks for reading. The image belongs to me.