My Toxic Friend
By Marie Coyle
@MarieCoyle (40105)
November 14, 2021 7:33pm CST
So, I have a friend I've known for years. She is a bit older than me, but we used to be a lot closer than we are now, in miles, she is about 30 minutes away from me. She has changed so much.
Everything she says is negative. If you give her a compliment, she brushes it aside and says, oh, no, it doesn't look good, her hair is awful, she hates her life, her dog died, her cat died, it goes on and on. Her dog died years ago. She wanted another one but didn't want to train one. She finally got another cat, and she complains it is not like her cat that died--it won't cuddle with her and scratches things constantly. She complains that her son doesn't visit her enough.
I can't fix any of those things. She finds negativity in literally everything. She gets mad about grocery trips, going to the library, her neighbors, (who are very nice) the fact that her dog died, and basically everything in life. She often calls or texts and asks me about something, then she doesn't like what I told her, and always says so. Is it wrong that I want to cut her off and give up? I have never done that. Not to anyone. But all the constant negativity and her moaning and groaning are really hard to take. I feel sort of guilty for wanting to just give up on her, but.....
14 people like this
15 responses
@rakski (129869)
• Philippines
15 Nov 21
@MarieCoyle that is really sad. Her negativity affects her relationships with others
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (40105)
•
15 Nov 21
@rakski
She has just about run out of any people to have relationships with.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (40105)
•
15 Nov 21
Her husband left her years and years ago, and she raised her son by herself. She just can't seem to move forward, she has never had another relationship. She has no money worries,owns a nice home and a new car. She doesn't have many friends, as most of them have disappeared due to all of the negativity. It's sad.
4 people like this
@MarieCoyle (40105)
•
15 Nov 21
One of the few remaining friends tried that about 3 or 4 months ago. She was promptly told to go away, that she didn't want a friend like her to help her and she wasn't negative. HA!
2 people like this
@sallypup (62441)
• Centralia, Washington
15 Nov 21
@MarieCoyle If I were you I guess I'd move on then. If she contacted you and asked you why you weren't palling around anymore, it would be hard but I guess it would be time to tell her.
2 people like this
@snowy22315 (184252)
• United States
15 Nov 21
She sounds very hard to deal with. I honestly think a true friend would tell her how she is making you feel. She may have no idea in actualty how she comes off, and probably is very unhappy honestly. Tell her you are her friend but you don't want to be "dumped on" everytime you talk to her.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (40105)
•
15 Nov 21
Yes, she doesn't want to know or doesn't see that others have needs. Just herself, she is drowning in her own misery. In my entire life, I don't think I have ever met a more negative woman.
1 person likes this
@Nawsheen (28643)
• Mauritius
16 Nov 21
@MarieCoyle That's so bad. If she doesn't want help then not much can be done. She must fight her way out and can't keep on complaining
1 person likes this
@Nawsheen (28643)
• Mauritius
16 Nov 21
@MarieCoyle If she is not willing to change her attitude, eventually she will have no support
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (40105)
•
15 Nov 21
If I suggested that, she would totally flip out and go wild. Don't you know, SHE isn't crazy or depressed, ALL the rest of us are!!! Her son tried to take her and she didn't speak to him for over a year.
1 person likes this
@JamesHxstatic (29413)
• Eugene, Oregon
15 Nov 21
That is a difficult situation. Hard to know what to do. If you drop her, how much worse could it get? Are you her last friend?
3 people like this
@MarieCoyle (40105)
•
15 Nov 21
Not the last, there are a very few of us left. We have discussed without her knowing, how to try to help her. Honestly, we really do try.
2 people like this
@RubyHawk (99404)
• Atlanta, Georgia
15 Nov 21
@MarieCoyle You have a good attitude. I hope you can remain friends. That’s exactly what I do on Mylot. I bring my troubles to Mylot instead of dumping on my friends and family. You guys can turn me off when you get tired of hearing it.
2 people like this
@MarieCoyle (40105)
•
15 Nov 21
@RubyHawk
I think I wrote about this because it's bothering me. Plus right now I am dealing with some other problems and I just don't need this one. If I remain her friend, I am going to have to learn to deal with all of her negativity, without actually snapping. I can't remember ever snapping, but I've come close with her.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (40105)
•
15 Nov 21
I am going to give it a bit longer, I hate to give up on her. It's just very difficult. Most people have problems of some type, but she only sees her own and blows them way out of proportion.
2 people like this
@wilsongoddard (7291)
• United States
19 Nov 21
Perhaps, she would benefit from taking an improv class It might help her channel some of her feelings into a more positive direction.
You could suggest it as a fun thing to do together. It might be the outlet that she needs.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (40105)
•
20 Nov 21
Oh, honey....the fun things I have suggested we do would literally fill a book. Like I said, she moans about not going, not doing, we ask her what she would like to do, she can't think of anything, so when we make suggestions of things we know she previously liked, we always get a no, she doesn't feel like doing that, and on and on it goes. I have suggested classes. Others have also. But I thank you for the suggestions.
1 person likes this
@allknowing (139580)
• India
15 Nov 21
There are a few people who never look at their blessings.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (40105)
•
16 Nov 21
She is definitely one of them. She moans about what she doesn't have, and she has all she needs, it's paid for, she paid cash for a new car last year. She used to travel some but now she says she doesn't want to.
@crossbones27 (49957)
• Mojave, California
15 Nov 21
I think maybe some one needs to resurrect her dog.Times are sad right now but I do not know think you are right no reason to be that negative. I am not sure what she needs but that does sound good at all. Hard to help a person even when the good things in her life are bad such as a friend like you.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (40105)
•
15 Nov 21
Negativity is depressing. I try so hard to always look to the positive side of life. I wish I knew something to wake her up, but I don't.
1 person likes this
@wolfgirl569 (110443)
• Marion, Ohio
15 Nov 21
Sometimes you just have to give up for your own happiness. I dont have much contact with some of my own family for those reasons.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (40105)
•
15 Nov 21
I am going to do the best I can until I can't anymore. I always try to give things my best, but everyone has a limit.
1 person likes this
@RonElFran (1214)
• Mechanicsburg, Pennsylvania
16 Nov 21
That kind of person can be extremely draining to be around. And the sad thing is she's probably lost friends because of her constant complaining, which only adds to her woes.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (40105)
•
16 Nov 21
Yes, she has.
The old saying of ''To have a friend, you have to be one'' is more than true here. Friendship doesn't work if it's one-sided. When it's all about ONE person and the other is a doormat.
@Courtlynn (67082)
• United States
15 Nov 21
Something is wrong in her life for her to be that way. Be a true friend and stick by her.
1 person likes this
@MarieCoyle (40105)
•
16 Nov 21
That's called, taking care of yourself, nothing wrong with that at all.
1 person likes this
@Scrapper88 (5983)
• United States
15 Nov 21
Don't give up on your friend. You might be the only positive thing in her life.
1 person likes this
