What Can I Say to Our Dying Friend?
By Thelma
@thelme55 (77061)
Germany
December 7, 2021 11:54am CST
The day after yesterday evening, one of my best friends called and said that her husband is leaving her. I was a bit shocked as I have not expected that they will get a divorce.
My friend cried and said that her husband is dying. I was speechless for a few minutes. My friend , her husband and their kids are like family to us since we are friends for almost 40 years and our kids grew up together. They live in the South of Germany, 3 hours from us now and I can’t go there.
Her husband has liver cancer and my friend only told us when the time has come for us to say goodbye. She said we can call her husband. She said a palliative care will come this Thursday in their home.
We (my husband, our son and I) are so sad that we don’t know what to say when we will call our dying friend tomorrow. I am out of words. I could just hug our dying friend but he is far away. What should I say? Goodbye???
Our dying friend seldom drink alcohol, eat healthy food and a very active person but how come he has this awful illness? It is unfair! Life is unfair. I hope he can still celebrate Christmas with his family.
What would you say, if you are me?
Thank you for reading. I hope we all stay healthy and blessed.
The photo is my Advent candles.
19 people like this
17 responses
@DocAndersen (54402)
• United States
8 Dec 21
i am so sorry, that is a hard question both to ask and to answer.
I would give him, and her, a George Bailey moment (From the Movie Its a Wonderful Life) showing how good the world is because he was in it.
1 person likes this
@thelme55 (77061)
• Germany
16 Dec 21
Thank you @DocAndersen.
I have not seen this movie but I will check it online and watch it. It sounds a good movie to watch.
1 person likes this
@DocAndersen (54402)
• United States
17 Dec 21
@thelme55 it is my favorite holiday movie. It talks about the value of one life!
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (178568)
• United States
8 Dec 21
I am so, so sorry. You have a difficult call ahead of you. I would say that I'm sorry to hear about the cancer. See how he leads the conversation. Maybe he will keep it light. Tell him you are thinking about him. Good luck.
1 person likes this
@thelme55 (77061)
• Germany
16 Dec 21
He kept it light in our conversation through the phone. We talked about the good old days. It was a very sad conversation although we have not talked about his illness. Thank you @LindaOHio.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (178568)
• United States
17 Dec 21
@thelme55 I'm glad you were able to talk to him.
1 person likes this
@JudyEv (339930)
• Rockingham, Australia
8 Dec 21
Oh, this is so sad. I don't really have any suggestions except that maybe you could say something along the lines of 'We'll always remember spending time with you/Christmas with you/ the time we did this, that or the other'. Sort of reminiscing about the happy times you spent with each other and how you've missed that since they/you moved away.
1 person likes this
@nela13 (58667)
• Portugal
7 Dec 21
I am so sorry, this is so sad. It is difficult to know what to say, maybe you can start to have a casual conversation with him, tell him how important his friendship was in your life, that he is in your thoughts and will always be in your heart.
1 person likes this
@thelme55 (77061)
• Germany
16 Dec 21
Yes, it was difficult to talk to him as I was holding back my tears and trying not to break my voice while talking. Gladfully, the sick friend managed to talk with us casually although he was trying hard, too. We wished him and his family a memorable Christmas. Thank you @nela13.
1 person likes this
@snowy22315 (180660)
• United States
7 Dec 21
These things happen seemingly on a random basis. So sorry for your friend and at least you will get to say goodbye.
1 person likes this
@eileenleyva (27560)
• Philippines
7 Dec 21
In 2013, I had a friend dying with cancer. I visited her every morning and talked to her about everything. She was bed-ridden and could speak no longer. But she urged me to talk and she watched me and listened. She whispered thanks very softly and added that I was her mental exercise. Ha ha. Made me laugh.
When you call your friend, speak naturally. Tell about how you are now. Then listen to what he has to say. Take it from there. If he says good-bye, you can answer good-bye. You know your friend, he understands his condition but would be best if you could gather strength from you. Just be brave.
1 person likes this
@thelme55 (77061)
• Germany
7 Dec 21
That was good that you were able to visit your friend every morning @eileenleyva.
That was a good deed.
Thank you for your advice. That helps.
That was a good deed.
Thank you for your advice. That helps.
@RebeccasFarm (89882)
• Arvada, Colorado
7 Dec 21
This is extremely sad Thelma I am sorry
1 person likes this
@BelleStarr (61102)
• United States
8 Dec 21
I think you should reminisce about some of the good times you have together, share memories. That brings the most joy at these times.
1 person likes this
@thelme55 (77061)
• Germany
16 Dec 21
We have reminisced the good old days when we talked to them on the phone last week. It was hard though holding back our sadness while talking to them. Thank you @BelleStarr.
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (79833)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
8 Dec 21
Lovely Advent candles, Not much you can say just some comforting words and let him know he is loved and will always be remembered, I will put him in my prayers and hope he will still have Christmas with his family, Many blessings to them all,
1 person likes this
@thelme55 (77061)
• Germany
16 Dec 21
Thank you very much @RasmaSandra. We have talked to them on the phone though it was very hard to hold back our tears of sadness. We wished them to still have a Christmas together.
1 person likes this
@1creekgirl (41423)
• United States
7 Dec 21
I'm so sorry for your friend and his family and you, also. There's no way to know what to say. Maybe talk about the warm memories you all have together. Just knowing you love them may help.
1 person likes this
@thelme55 (77061)
• Germany
16 Dec 21
My husband and I talked to them on the phone. We tried to talk casually but it was hard holding back our sadness. Our sick friend already talk so weak. I hope he can still celebrate the Christmas with his family. Thank you @1creekgirl
1 person likes this
@CarolDM (203422)
• Nashville, Tennessee
7 Dec 21
I recently lost a close friend, actually like family to cancer. He was too far to visit. I did many face time videos and just told him I loved him and that he was always in my thoughts. That is all I would suggest to anyone. Just to let them know you are thinking of them. Of course this is a personal choice. Many times less is better. Sorry about your friend.
1 person likes this
@rebelann (112870)
• El Paso, Texas
19 Dec 21
I would imagine that the only thing you really could say is that you love him and hope he is not in pain. My condolences to his family and you for your loss.
@jobelbojel (35573)
• Philippines
7 Dec 21
Life indeed is unfair. I remember my uncle who just retired from PNP. He was not a drunkard. As far as I know he was eating good and healthy food.
You can tell your friend that you are praying for her husband, to be strong during this life battle.
1 person likes this
@thelme55 (77061)
• Germany
7 Dec 21
I have told my friend to be strong during their battle @jobelbojel. That God will help them to ease the pain that they are going through. Thank you for your advice.
1 person likes this
@aureliah (24316)
• Kenya
20 Dec 21
It is very difficult when you know someone is going. You cannot even tell them goodbye.
