How do you support a friend with mental illness? At what point to do you back off?
By The Horse
@TheHorse (220488)
Walnut Creek, California
January 6, 2022 9:08pm CST
I went to high school and college with many bright people. But there were also a lot of people "on the edge" at both my high school and college.
Research suggests that being really smart and being "crazy" are NOT positively correlated, but I do remember feeling like a disproportionate number of people I knew were a bit nutty.
I'm not talking about the anxiety and depression that many of us experience at some point in out lives. I'm talking about the kind of nutty that makes it hard to function in normal society.
Right now I'm dealing with a very old friend who seems to have gone over the edge. She "retired" early and has been recently sending be weird videos that make so sense to me.
She says she is Christian, and that God is going to something big in January 2022. One of her obsessions is child trafficking. Another is Hollywood. But beyond that, I can't really understand what she is saying.
For how long would you be supportive of someone who was struggling in a big way? At what point would you "let go"?
16 people like this
20 responses
@DaddyEvil (137802)
• United States
7 Jan 22
Honestly, I don't know... I've only experienced someone with mental problems on myLot... and I don't think @xander6464 can help it... I've been jollying him along, hoping you'd notice his problems, too, and take over from me. I've also noticed @vandana7 has lately been exhibiting symptoms of mental instability, as well.
(She was trying to convince me yesterday that she's the "sweet and innocent" person on myLot. I'm very worried about both of them.)
(She was trying to convince me yesterday that she's the "sweet and innocent" person on myLot. I'm very worried about both of them.)4 people like this
@vandana7 (100648)
• India
7 Jan 22
If you are the standard of sanity, Greg, Pony, and I will gladly accept being labeled as mentally instable. (Logic copied from George Bernard Shaw).
Mental instability incidentally is something I feel, everybody faces. Mental illness is different. It is kinda the valve that lets the spike into insanity zone, not reopening to let the person return to normalcy. A bit of insanity is actually healthy. But prolonged stay in that zone dangerous. It is a liberty to think anything, do anything, say anything basically. Bringing the person back to normal zone ... requires a lot of patience, which I admit, I lack.
4 people like this
@DaddyEvil (137802)
• United States
7 Jan 22
@TheHorse That's probably best all around. When do you think it's time to actually call someone and suggest a person have a mental health check? (I know that can be done but have only seen it when the case reached the court. I don't know when someone instigated the mental health checks but the person obviously needed help.)
4 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (47727)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
7 Jan 22
We're all a bit crazy. Some of us hide it very well, others, not so much.
2 people like this
@BarBaraPrz (47727)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
7 Jan 22
@TheHorse That is true, too.
1 person likes this
@crossbones27 (49745)
• Mojave, California
7 Jan 22
I am pretty sure I am mentally off. I have been told so many times in my life.
Yet at the same time had so many people look out for me. They say mine is likable for the most part but some are dangerous, and guess all of it is when your mental disorder gets the best of you. I always say.
I kind of know what that guy means even if do not understand totally. Some correlates and I take it down a notch on them and then when my friends say they have had enough with so and so. I just say leave them alone. I told you they not right in the head, but this is why I always handled them a bit softer than people that deserved to be punched in the face.
Yet at the same time had so many people look out for me. They say mine is likable for the most part but some are dangerous, and guess all of it is when your mental disorder gets the best of you. I always say.
I kind of know what that guy means even if do not understand totally. Some correlates and I take it down a notch on them and then when my friends say they have had enough with so and so. I just say leave them alone. I told you they not right in the head, but this is why I always handled them a bit softer than people that deserved to be punched in the face.4 people like this
@crossbones27 (49745)
• Mojave, California
7 Jan 22
@TheHorse All you can do really and maybe insert a bit of help if get what they are trying t say to help them out.
4 people like this
@TheHorse (220488)
• Walnut Creek, California
7 Jan 22
@crossbones27 For me, that means listening. But I don't want to become co-dependent.
3 people like this
@Fleura (30541)
• United Kingdom
7 Jan 22
There's not a lot you can do anyway, even if you think someone needs help you can't normally force it on them so you just have to wait until they realise they have a problem. All you can really do is be there to listen. I guess that doesn't have to extend to watching weird videos. When the situation starts to get to you and affect your mental health, that's when you back off.
3 people like this
@DocAndersen (54402)
• United States
7 Jan 22
helping a friend in that scenario is really hard. there has to be limits, and measures and ultimately you have to protect you.
2 people like this
@TheHorse (220488)
• Walnut Creek, California
7 Jan 22
@DocAndersen Boundaries are critical.
2 people like this
@DocAndersen (54402)
• United States
7 Jan 22
@TheHorse that is a tough situation, i have a person that used to be in my life that I had to finally say no. it was painful but boundaries are critical.
2 people like this
@Torunn (8607)
• Norway
8 Jan 22
Maybe being smart and being "crazy" are not positively correlated because if you're smart enough, you're better at hiding the craziness?
As a child of the university (my father started working there some years before I was born) who is working there myself now, I know where those people are fairly safe ...
On a more serious note, I've got some close family on the edge to something. I've backed a bit away the last years, because it just never gets better and there's a point where it is just going to make you tired and not help the other person.
1 person likes this
@xander6464 (44450)
• Wapello, Iowa
7 Jan 22
I'm always very patient and understanding with the mentally struggling. I always say things like, "Yes, Sir, you will be reinstated soon. And Obama, Hillary and all the other mean child molesting Democrats are going to jail. Now be good and take your pills and everything will be fine. And if you're really good, we'll go to that live streaming event in Moscow that you've been talking about."
WARNING: Kids, do not try this at home. I am a highly trained, professional Saint. You're not. So stay away from crazy people!
1 person likes this
@xander6464 (44450)
• Wapello, Iowa
26 Jan 22
@TheHorse I've been considering joining the Democrats. They have a much better dental plan.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (220488)
• Walnut Creek, California
26 Jan 22
@xander6464 You still have teeth?
1 person likes this
@xander6464 (44450)
• Wapello, Iowa
7 Jan 22
I hope God does something big in 2022. The last six years have been so dull and predictable.
1 person likes this
@xander6464 (44450)
• Wapello, Iowa
26 Jan 22
@TheHorse I think you will, You have a good track record.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (220488)
• Walnut Creek, California
26 Jan 22
@xander6464 We shall see.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (182341)
• United States
7 Jan 22
This person needs help. Without knowing all of the details, I would be reluctant to make any suggestions.
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (220488)
• Walnut Creek, California
8 Jan 22
@LindaOHio I do not. She has told me that to them she's the "crazy Aunt," and we've laughed about that. But I'm not laughing about it right now.
1 person likes this
@LindaOHio (182341)
• United States
8 Jan 22
@TheHorse Do you know any of her close relatives?
1 person likes this
@mildredtabitha (16147)
• Nairobi, Kenya
8 Jan 22
I think such a person should be in a psychiatrist care
1 person likes this
@TheHorse (220488)
• Walnut Creek, California
11 Jan 22
@mildredtabitha In this case, I have to put myself first.
1 person likes this
@mildredtabitha (16147)
• Nairobi, Kenya
9 Jan 22
@TheHorse that's a good decision
1 person likes this
@vandana7 (100648)
• India
7 Jan 22
I feel rather ill-equipped to handle a friend or loved one with mental illness. For starters, I wouldn't know. If the person reacts illogically, I give him or her a few chances thinking, ok...he or she had a bad day, I might have reacted nastily too, or may be I sounded harsh or aloof, which led to such reactions. But if it is a continuous meanness towards me and others, I will slowly start backing out. I would still not label it as mental illness because I don't know what it really means. But I will tell me, well, god made so many, do you have to suffer something? That is a situation I cannot repair so I need to move on. That is how I am. You may think I dump helpless friend. But there is only so much I can handle. After all, I am just a human, and I have enough on my plate.
1 person likes this
@divalounger (6118)
• United States
14 Jan 22
Always a tough question with no good answers--I find for me, that I have a fair amount of leeway in my response up to a point--and then I either have to withdraw or create some new boundaries that serve me better--good luck
1 person likes this
@ShyBear88 (59347)
• Sterling, Virginia
7 Jan 22
It depends if it’s a friend but we are not clothes I ignored them someone that might be a bit crazy but ain’t harmful isn’t something I would spend my energy on. As a wife who does have a husband that is bipolar he has his moments where things might not be logical for him. I’m the sound of reason and I’d he seems off I’ll ask question as long as he takes his meds we are good doesn’t mean he doesn’t have those days because he can.
1 person likes this
@ShyBear88 (59347)
• Sterling, Virginia
7 Jan 22
@TheHorse all mental illness are treatable. For my husband it’s a life time one.
@wolfgirl569 (108509)
• Marion, Ohio
7 Jan 22
Only you can make that call. How much does she get to you? If its a lot it may be time to stop
1 person likes this
@RasmaSandra (80925)
• Daytona Beach, Florida
7 Jan 22
That is a tough call to make. It kind of depends on how close they consider you to be to them and if turning your back on them does not spiral out of all proportion. Way back when I was still in NYC and there was a guy who was odd to say the least but I got along with him so I sort of kept him as a friend, It was not easy listening to some of the things he had to say but hey other times we had some fun and went place together, I did not care that others looked at us rather oddly especially when he acted out. Then one day I noticed he really seemed wacked out and I could not handle it anymore so I told him we have to go our own ways. Did he understand? For a while he kept calling but when I did not agree to see him again he left me alone, I often wonder what happened to the poor guy, I hope you find a way to deal with your friend,
1 person likes this
