How The Lion King saved my life.

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I have to say, it isn't everyday someone can say that a movie has saved your life. Well I can and I didn't see it until recently. I've been abused early in my life. I had been sexually abused by my oldest brother for nearly a year when I was visiting my dad. It was the worst time of my life and I HATED myself. I couldn't stand to think of anyone being good to me. I thought I was disgusting. I hated anything to do with sex, refused to say the word until i was 19. I had been mentally and physically abused my my brother and my father let it happen. So with that I've always had trust issues when it came to people. I did finally tell my mom after telling my sister, but it really didn't do much good. All my brother had to do was say "sorry" and my dad forgot entirely about it. Well I've had to live with it all my life and I was just barely hanging on. I was 7 when I was assaulted that year. And it was a terrible time, I blocked most of the memories out, but they will come raging back now and again, especially when i am triggered. It could be anything from a stuffed animal to a shower running... you get the point. So I lost all faith in human beings and I showed it. I was angry, loud terrible to people. I regret my actions but I was so young and no one helped me so the only way I saw how to help myself was to be loud. In 1994 we moved to New York, where I was really in no shape to make friends. I was 10 or 11 by then and I was in a spiral of a depression. I had no thoughts of suicide, though it came pretty close, but I don't think I ever would have committed suicide. My hold on life is, thankfully, too strong. Well how did the lion king save my life if I wasn't suicidal you ask? There's more ways to having a life than just living. When the Lion King first came out it was one of the movies my dad (yes he still got yearly custody of me, but thankfully my brother was in his mothers care *he is a half brother*) and we watched it. Back then I didn't know what clicked or what happened but I did become absolutely obsessed with this movie. I loved that it had nothing but animals in it. THERE WERE NO HUMANS! at that point I just wanted to be friends with nothing but animals. Though as a child I still CRAVED human interaction. So, with that I learned how to draw. I enjoyed it, it helped me ground myself. But it wasn't until 2019 when I had my enlightenment. That the morals in this movie, being betrayed by a family member, only to grow up stronger... .this was THE movie I needed. I was betrayed by family members, many of them. I think that's where I felt the connection. but in the scene where Rafiki hits SImba over the head and SImba asked what he did that for, the words that Rafiki gave him really hit hom "Oh the past can hurt. But the way I see it you can either run from it; or, learn from it" These few words may have impacted my life much more than I realized because with that I didn't miraculously gain friends, nor did I suddenly become popular. The opposite in fact. I was still shying away from people, but I was learning from my past, and soon learned from my near past and learned I can make a better future. It was not until I was 14 that I really actively tried to make that difference and I did make a friend on my own, without anyones help. It wasn't easy and to this day even at 38 years of age I still have trouble making friends, but with the lesson I learned in the lion king.... I am a thriving and joyful human being, even if it took me over a decade to find myself and learn from everything that happened. I'm still a hurt person. I still have PTSD, I still have depression and anxiety, I am still socially akward, but I am moving forward. I am not looking back unless I'm doing it to remind myself what I need to learn and remember.